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December 12, 2008 at 3:25 am #23446AlbeeTenshi219
Hey, I posted on one of the forums a few weeks ago. I was afraid I might be pregnant because my period (which is usually regular) was 6 days late. I’m 18 years old and in college for the first time, btw. I’ve been on birth control since about april and have been pretty good at taking it. Until this past october. I pretty much missed about 3 weeks (nearly) worth of pills. I totally and completely forgot with all the stress and drama of schoool, being away from home for the first time, and boy frirnd issues. Although I was having sex still (unprotected) with my boyfriend of 10 months. I really love him, by the way, and he’s the only man I’ve ever been with sexually or romantically.
Well that week I took three seperate tests (2 home tests and one at my school’s clinic) all within like 24 hours of each other. All three were negative. I really dodged a bullet there, huh? Not quite.
I had started my next pack as usual after the week I was supposed to get my period and continued to take them like normal in hopes that my period was being thrown off by the missed pills. But 3 weeks later and still no period. So I started worrying that maybe something else might be wrong with me. I got scared, I talked to my mom but she said it probably wasnt that. She also said to be sure I should get ttested again for pregnancy. my boyfriend thought that a good idea too.
I was like 99% sure i was still negative. I had taken 3 tests, I had to be right? Nope. I just went today and had another test (my first in the last 3 weeks) and the doctor told me “it’s positive”. I was stunned. Seriosuly, I had completely erased that possibility from my mind at that point. And those two words simply shattered my world.
According to her I’m about 5 weeks along maybe. So if I want an abortion I have to act fast to still be eligible for the medical one (I’m pretty much against the surgical abortion completely). And I know this would be the rational and practical option. And also the one I know my mother would prefer, and my boyfriend too. Although they both said before that they would support me no matter what and that it was ultimately up to me.
I just dont want to ruin their lives, or mine, or this potential baby. I dont realy think I want an abortion but I dont know if I can raise a kid either. I wouldnt want to ruin it’s life. I’m barely an adult. I’m still dependent on my parents, how can I protect and provide for a whole nother living creature soley dependent on me?
I’m so confused. I havent told my boyfriend yet, he knows I went to the health center today. I havent told him though. I just told my mom… she guessed it. I know my dad will be furious. I fear having to face them Tuesday when I go home for winter break. I’m so lost right now though. I’m scared and I hate myself for doing this to myself and to all of them. I dont know what to do. Where do I go from here?December 13, 2008 at 4:31 am #23450Meg11
Hey there, My name is Meg. I wanted to first start off with telling you that you have an amazing mom, I really wish that I still had my mom let alone one like yours who is so supportive and genuine, do not ever take her for granted!! I no longer have a mom, she has been dead for 7 years now, she committed suicide and I found her body. The next day I attempted myself, I was in her closet with a belt around my neck and I silently cried out with no words to a God I didn’t know and simply said, “If there is really a God out there take me to be with my mom or get me out of this house and out of this situation and fix my life.” What situation? Well obviously the issue with my moms death but also I was 3 1/2 months pregnant and I had a restraining order on the dad. I was 19 and all I had was my mom, I had no career or desire for one, I had no college dreams or the ability to go if I had wanted to and I was single and “ruined”. Obviously my prayer was answered otherwise I would not be typing this, literally moments after that cry for help a friend of mine who had heard about my mom and come to my house walked into the closet where I was, picked me up and took me out of the house. WOW!! Ok I was taken out of the house but that was only part of the prayer right? Well I only added to the mess in my life before it began to get better. My friend who had taken me out of the house became my boyfriend a couple years later and what do ya know…I got pregnant again. Even though he had been my “knight in shining armor” in the past suddenly he became the one to run off and leave me pregnant and alone, a single mom of two. Still no real job, living small paycheck to paycheck, no family in the area, still lost and grieving over my painful past. Well that was almost 5 years ago now and my life is so wonderful. I have bad days and I also carry consequences but I have life, joy and I have my children. I am also married now and have had a third and last child along with gaining a stepson. My life has not been ruined by my kids even though I was the “ideal” candidate for abortion. I am so glad that I stuck it out and raised my kids and that now that my life is good I do not have that haunting regret of abortion in my memory. Now I shared what happened with me and I was in a lot worse shape than you are. You have a mom and boyfriend who have told you that they are with you no matter what. You are against a surgical abortion but in all honesty the ru486 way is no better for you or the baby. There are many times that a woman will still have to have surgery because the pill did not do its “job”, there are women and girls who have died from the side effects of the pill also. In fact a friend of mine took it and the emotional consequences are just as risky as the physical ones if not worse. Here is a link to her story here on the site
You have a beating heart in your womb, your own flesh and blood, part of you that will come out and become his or her own self with wants, needs, favorite colors, a unique laugh and smile. Now sure maybe this was not the best timing but you know what you can do this and unlike me you don’t have to do this alone. If I could make it and survive and come out with so much joy and life then you will do that and more. You have a support group here online, when you are home during break we are still right here, no matter how your dad responds. Your mom will be there, no matter how your dad responds, that little life will still be there no matter how your dad responds. Here is a link to see what your baby looks like at 6 weeks,
this image was taken by the mother who had a miscarriage but isn’t that amazing? Look close at the fingers and how even though the skin is nearly see though you can see all the developed organs inside? This is 6 weeks along! This is what your baby will look like next week….even though you are not looking at a surgical abortion it will still take the life of your precious baby and it will leave a lifetime of regret in your heart….I really hope that you will find the strength and courage to Stand Up, you and this baby are so worth the obstacles that will come along with this new and sudden adventure…I am here to talk anytime along with many others here who have been right where you are….Please let me know what you decide…Love Meg, email@example.com
also Rachel is currently in college and she became a mom at 16 and has made a good life for herself, she would be glad to give you advise too… Rachel@standupgirl.comDecember 13, 2008 at 8:13 am #23458insubordinateximpx09
Hey hun. I would advise not getting an abortion. I’ve heard from many girls that you will regret it for the rest of your life. I wouldn’t know from experience, but I do know what you’re going through right now. I am 17 and I am pregnant with my second baby. I skipped one month of birth control because of a pharmacy error and I ended up pregnant. If you ever want to talk, i’m here.December 14, 2008 at 5:32 am #23484RaElMa
I understand what you are going through. But, I haven’t told my parents yet, because I know what the outcome will be and it wont be pretty. You have already told your Mom and you know how she feels. You are lucky to have that already. Your boyfriend said that he would be there for you. My boyfriend is very supportive, but can’t be here for me due to extenuating circumstances. So, you also have that going for you too! You have to put yourself and the baby first. You will not be ruining your moms life or your boyfriend. It is YOUR life and you make the decision. No one should have the deciding factor to this, “your” choice. Plus, you can still attend college, I happen to know a few girls that are able to attend and are 8 months pregnant. And you can also get grants for childcare after the baby is born, if that is what you decide to do.
You have to remember that you may feel things aren’t going right for you, but there are people out there that are much worse off. You already have so many things, that I do not, and you should be thankful for them. Most importantly, don’t make your decision on what people around you are saying, you have to make the choice yourself. You know what is right for you, and you are 18, which means you are an adult, so you know in your heart what is best.
Good luck. And best wishes.January 5, 2009 at 5:54 pm #23672_chelleanne
WOW! MEG, THANK YOU FOR SHARRING THAT. I DON’T KNOW IF IT HELPED THAT GIRL, BUT IT HELPED ME! I’M OLDER WITH CHILDREN FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE. VERY ABUSIVE ONE. THEN MY CURRENT HUBBY WAS MY “KNIGHT IN SHINNING ARMOUR”. BUT MY KNIGHT TURNED OUT TO BE THE DARK KNIGHT. HIS FAMILY HATES ME BECAUSE OF THINGS HE HAS DONE, BUT I GET MADE OUT TO BE THE BAD GUY. WE HAVE A CHILD TOGETHER ALREADY. HE HAS ANOTHER CHILD THAT HE HASN’T SEEN FOR YEARS AND I JUST FOUND OUT I’M PREGNANT (2 + HPT). WE DO NOT GET ALONG. OUR HOUSE IS ALREADY MORE THAN WE CAN AFFORD AND TOO SMALL. HE WASN’T SUPPORTIVE AT ALL WITH OUR OTHER CHILD. HAVING THIS BABY DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE, BUT THE THOUGHT OF TERMINATING IT IS HORRIFYING TO ME. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. MY FAMILY DISOWNED ME SEVERAL YEARS AGO. MY OTHER CHLDREN’S FATHER IS ALWAS CREATING PROBLEMS. SOMEONE I THOUGHT WAS MY BFF BETRAYED ME- SO HERE I AM. ALONE….January 6, 2009 at 3:42 am #23675Roosemax
Wow… it sounds like you are going through some really tough, scary stuff. I hope you’re doing alright. There’s so many complex feelings that go through your head when you’re facing a pregnancy you didn’t expect.
Have you had the chance to talk to someone you trust about this? I think it really helps to talk to someone older/wiser than me when I go through yucky stuff, so I don’t make quick decisions.
How would you feel about doing some web research on abortion before you make a decision? You can learn a lot by Google-ing stuff like “abortion procedures”, “abortion risks” or “Post Abortion Stress Syndrome”… you have a right to know what will happen during your surgery/procedure and what the risks (physical and mental) are.
I can tell from your letter that you are a smart STRONG girl and I know you’ll make the right decision! Don’t let anyone else keep you from making the choice that’s right for you and your baby… you’ve gotten this far, haven’t you? If you need anything, I’m here to talk and so are lots of other girls who’d love to share their stories.
-KelseyJanuary 8, 2009 at 2:38 am #23702liquidsunshine13
ok i think abortion crosses everyones minds at least once when an unplanned pregnancy comes along..what you have to think about though is what a serious decision you’re making.. no matter what though, if you keep your baby you will cope because you will have to for the sake of your baby and also consider that having an abortion may have a more negative impact on your life than keeping it would. it is of course you’re decision and my main advice is to do whats best for YOU not your mom or your boyfriend.thats all 🙂 good luck let us know how things turn out xxxx
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