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August 21, 2009 at 12:18 am #25634sundaymorningcall
its been 7months since i had my abortion and each day i hate myself more and more!
i regret it so much 🙁
me and my boyfriend at the time found out i was pregnant about a month into our relationship…we were shocked to say the least but he assured me he would be there for me no matter what…but that soon changed!
when i found out about the pregancy we found out that we were losing our jobs and that we had only started to go out officaly and that maybe it was best to have an abortion….but the thing is he wouldnt tell mehow he was feeling or what he wanted to do.he would just tell me ill stand by you no matter what…but all i wanted him to do was to say what he wanted but he just kept saying whatever i wanted he would be there!
so i had to make the desicion on my own…and he wanted me….so for the sake of us i had a termination.
that night after it…things suddenly changed and when he said hed be there for me…he wasnt and i had to go thru the pain physically and mentally on my own….but i carried on for th sake of us.
fewmonths later he split up with me saying that he had been in a realtionship since he was 19 and wanted to be single.
then weeks later i found out that he had another gf….and then he started bad mouthing me and how he wanted to keep the baby….when he never told me what he wanted and that he was never there for me!
ive been so low past months and it kills me even more the fact he has moved on so quickly and left me to dealwith this all on my own.
i did it for us and he left me when i needed him the most!!!
i just dont know how to forgive myself or how to let it go
please can someone help me 🙁August 21, 2009 at 5:55 pm #25637Nicolette
I read your post in the forums and I can’t even begin to tell you how sad it made me, and I cannot even begint o imaginethe pain that you’re going through, because of the decision to terminate and because of the lack of support from your boyfriend and now with these rumors unjustly being spread by this guy. the first thing I think you should know is that- there is hope, beyond this, there are so many girls out there who have struggled with the same issue and have overcome the pain of it all. It does get better, look at Becky, she came through it all and you can.
The first step to healing is to know that God can forgive you, that he is longing to forgive you for this, sometimes the things that stops us from forgiving ourselves, is that we are the highest point, hating ourselves is like the highest point of hatred that we can experience, but when we realize that there is someone higher than us, the one who created the child that was lost and that God doesn’t hate us, that he accepts us even though we make wrong decisions can help us move on. because he is the highest point of forgiveness and all you have to do is reach out to hima nd pour out your heart. I know you feel abandoned by everyone, but God hasn’t abandoned you and he never will, no matter what choices you make… what doy ou have to lose by trying him, but asking him to forgive you and knowing that when you have- that he has forgiven and he will help you forgive yourself. He’s the only one to go to when there is no one else around, just speak to him, tell him about your pain- open up to him, you don’t need to say a fancy prayer or anything- just talk to him as you would talk to a close friend… because he cares, he counts your tears, he stores them in a bottle, he knows when you’re hurting… turn to him… he won’t turn you away. NickiAugust 21, 2009 at 7:26 pm #25638GangY
hei there, im Monika..
my heart really aches for you, i know how it feels to be in your skin…i was there, i had mine done back at 06…its going to be 3 years in october, but sometimes it feels like it was yesterday..
i think the best thing to do…firs just leave that guy behind, hes just not worth even a micro second of thinkin about him. it may feel hard, but eventually youll see that moving on helped you.
for my experience,youll see with time, that you are stronger than you thought,and with time, you will move on from the abortion. no you wont forget it, (im talking from my own experience),you will think about it every single day, one day more, some days less, but you will.. but the important thing is, you will LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT, i still have some depressive mood swings, but hey i am here, that means i grew inside,emotional & mental, and so will you.
it may seem impossible right now, but with time your heart will heal…with time and with alot of talking, thats what helped me, talking, writting… have you thought about writting…”letters”? to your baby or to a no-name person, just so that you get those feelings which are pressuring you out, cause as long you will keep them inside, and not let them out when theyll want to, you wont be able to make the irst, the importanst step to healing.
whenever you need to talk, just write to me!
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