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August 22, 2006 at 2:19 pm #11587Shana
Man “God, when will you send us the people who will cure AIDS and Cancer?”
God “ I sent them, you aborted them”
I was 18 years old when I found out that I was pregnant. I was dating a guy for 2 years at the time. It was a text book abusive relationship that everyone swears will never happen to them. I wasn’t allowed to talk to or see any of my friends. I was limited to discussions with my family. I had broken apart from all that I knew but him. If I didn’t do what I told, I was punished. If I didn’t check in with him 4X a day as to where I was and what I was doing I was punished. This is how I lived my life. I was miserable and physically ill. Standing at 5’7 and barely 98lbs with bones protruding from my face and hips, I was anything but healthy. But he said he loved me and whether I believed him or not I stayed none the less.
I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day lighting one off the other, until one day they made me feel sick so I started to cut down. I sat down at a table one day and I drew a picture of a sleeping baby and it was then I knew that I was pregnant. I called a friend and they took me to the medi-center and it was there that my thoughts became a reality. I lived in a small apartment with my brother at the time and when I got home I called my boyfriend at work to tell him I was pregnant. Immediately he came over with 5 different at home pregnancy tests, and he stood and watched me take them in front of him (humiliating) All 5 came out positive. The next day he came over and I was home alone. He talked to me about having an abortion saying that my body was too sick to handle a pregnancy and if I had one he would stay with me. “ It’s me or that” I told him that he would have to leave. At that moment he had decided that if I wouldn’t have an abortion that he would give me one. I remember him holding me down by the throat on the bed ready to punch me in the stomach when I kicked him and ran. I ran and screamed for what seemed like an hour until finally he caught me and threw me into the door. It was then that my brother came home and took care of the situation and kicked him out.
I have never seen or heard from him since. I had a restraining order implemented and didn’t put his name on the birth certificate. I have never asked for child support because to be honest, you couldn’t pay me enough to deal with him.
. My pregnancy was a nightmare with ultra sounds every 2 weeks. The Doctor’s suspected my daughter to be very malnourished, apparently her legs were not growing, she may have some physical deformations and she might be mentally slow. The recommendation was to terminate my “fetus”
I gave birth to a very intelligent, perfectly sculpted baby girl, who is tall and is nothing but legs. Am I ever glad I didn’t listen to technology.
My daughter has just turned 5 recently and believe me; being a Mom is my life. Sometimes I look back to the days when I first had her and laugh at the times I had to put her to bed in a snow suit because I couldn’t pay the heating bill. I used to buy KFC every Tuesday and stock up on their $2.00 special. When we started we had nothing but each other. No TV to watch, no car to drive in, no couch to sit on. Just us; cuddled in blankets and winter jackets to keep warm. I now hold a reputable job at a reputable company. Together we have replaced all that we have, and bought a new car. By the time I reach 25 I will own my own home. To all the girls out there who want to give up, DON’T. I stood strong on my own two feet and I have beaten the odds. My daughter was the greatest gift I ever could have received. Being pro life to me is not about saving a child’s life as much as it is about saving your own. She is my Angel and she saved my life. Where would I be now without my daughter? When you save a baby you save yourself, and open yourself up to great possibilities and rewards you never thought existed. The meaning of her names is “ Clear Morning Warrior” and at night my heart breaks when she prays:
Thank You for coming back from dieing,
Please one day will you send me a good Daddy?
But we go on, and we’re happy. One day she will have her prayers answered and have a real Daddy…August 25, 2006 at 6:56 am #11611CIN
Wow your story brought tears to my eyes!!! I really think you are stroung, and I’m so happy that you did that all. I wish you all the luck in the future!!!
I’m 31wks pregnant and even though I don’t have alot, I’m going to work hard so my baby can have it all one day. Thanks for righting your story, it really made me take a second look at things in my life.
Honestly best of luck, God bless and I wish you all the best!!!December 9, 2006 at 4:55 am #13795Anonymous
:dry: I am 19 wks and scared out of my mind. I don’t have a relationship with my mother and my father is a new release from prison but still the best father I know of. The biggest problem is he might go back to prison and I have no one else. I don’t know what to do and I am petrified of being a bad mom. I have made the choice to not include the father because I know he is not ready. He just turned 18 and is trying to stay out of trouble long enough to get the money raised for college. I have been repeatedly ridiculed for my choice by my class mates and friends, but i know there is no other way, He would not be the best father i’ve known him since he was ten. But just the same I am 19 going on 20 and in job corps for now. I will be getting my GED soon but thats about all I am getting from this program. My pregnancy has been diffuclt to say the least, and I have been going at it alone so far with only books to guide me. My ob is useless and there is no one who can really help me, at least thats how it feels. my heart breaks for my unborn son and even more for his future. I want more than anything for it to be brighter than my own
:dry: Yet all at the same time I want my body back and to be selfish again. I hate that I am so very selfish but I can’t seem to help it. What should I do? I am so lost and confused.
:dry: Caty :dry:December 9, 2006 at 9:57 am #13806Shana
Remember that the time to be selfish does come back again..but with time. I never dieted and my body was back to 120lbs within 7 mos. Our biggest regrets are the chances we don’t take. You have been given this baby for a reason although it may not be known to you yet, but maybe your son will lead you to the path you are looking for. If I didnt have my daughter I would NOT be the person I am today and I wouldnt have been where I was when I met my bf now. He gave me my daughter for a lot of reasons and only some of them have come to light. If she never cures world hunger of finds the cure for AIDS she saved my life and that is an accomplishment and well worth the while.
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