I can’t make everyone happy…

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  • #22231
    Avataramberk10

    :unsure: I always felt I had my life all perfectly planned out. Graduate Highschool. Get a college degree. Marry the man I love. Have 2 or 3 kids by the time im 35. Well Ive quickly figured out life doesnt always work out the way you plan it.

    I will be twenty in November and I just started attending college. Im pursuing nursing and I absolutely love it. I found out a couple days ago that I am pregnant with my boyfriend of 9 months. Weve been living together for as long as we have been dating and it has been great. Yes sometimes I want to shake him really hard but thats normal in any relationship and we both know we absolutely love eachother.

    I was with my mother at the time that I found out I was pregnant. She was very calm about it, but she pushed abortion. She is already trying to set up an appointment this week. My mother had me when she was 17 and she has been the most amazing mother I could ask for. Shes always been there and she has been my true best friend. I really would not have gotten where I am without her. She has a Doctorate degree and she says that she was very lucky to have gotten as far as she had being a young mother. (my stepfather is pretty well off and he helped her out tremendously) She had 2 abortions (by my stepfather) and during the second one she had her tubes burned. She says she does not regret any of her abortions. I am my mothers daughter, and I have always been pro-choice. Ive always been a strong beleiver in waiting to have children until you are really ready to support another life. I have always said that if I ever got pregnant before I graduated college I would have an abortion. But its easier said then done. My mother can be very controling over my life, Im her only child and she still sees me as her “baby”. When I had moved out of her house and in with my boyfriend in December of 2007 she was quite pissed. But my mother eventually got over it and she was happy for me until I got pregnant. Now she wants me to move back in with her, abort the baby, and then in the future transfer to a four year university so i can party and pursue my degree. She says she knows whats best for me, I used to think she did but now I feel as if shes trying to make me live the life she never had the chance to.

    Now my boyfriend will be 26 in December. (our birthdays are 6 days apart.) He does not beleive in abortion and he really wants me to keep the baby. When I had told him about the pregnancy his face lit up and he wanted to tell everyone. Hes even talking about maybe getting married and I feel like Im way too young. What aggrivates me the most is that my boyfriend had an abortion when he was 19 with another girl he had a one night stand with. A few months ago when he told me about it he said he wasnt ready at the time and hes happy she had it done. He felt that if he had that child at 19 he wouldnt be able to give the child what he/she deserved. And yet, hes telling me that if i get an abortion he will be very angry and he will not want to see me for a while. He claims the reason why he has a different perspective with me is because he actually loves me and Im not just a one night stand. (obviously) Ive told him that IM 19 right now and hes at a completely different stage in his life. Hes had his chance to hang out with whoever he wants, do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and however he wants at a younger age. Im just now getting started. I told him that if I was his age then I wouldnt even think about having an abortion and I would have the baby but since Im not its a different situation.

    I want to make them both happy but i know thats not possible and in the end its really something that I will have to live with, Not them. I feel that college will be alot harder and I will miss out on some of the things I would want to do but yet I do have some of the giddy feelings a woman has when she knows shes expecting. I absolutely LOVE children and I know I will try to be the best mother I could be to any child I have, But I dont know if I could be the mother I want to be at this moment. My goal when I have kids is to give them all the oppurtunities I had and more. Thats going to be a hard thing to accomplish at this time of my life, both financially and emotionally. I feel pressured from both my mother and my boyfriend. Both of them have great points. My mother worries that Im way too young to be settling down and starting a family. she says that I can have a baby anytime I want to and what I need to do now is focus on myself and get my degree and get my life started.

    Then theres my boyfriend who I absolutely love and adore, he says he will be there for the baby no matter what and he loves me and thinks its a sign and everything happens for a reason. (We break up due to arguments (hence the preggo signs & neither one of us was happy about it) on the day of our nine month anniversary and the next day we find out im pregnant.)

    Im sittin on the fence… and I know I have to make the choice soon. Im just scared to make that leap.

    #22268
    AvatarMb18Dd

    I must say your story is an interesting one. I am eighteen years old and seven months pregnant and my boyfriend is almost twenty one. We live with my family and neither of us are in school. I’m getting my GED very soon and he is going to start online college next fall. We had a plan too. Graduate high school get married start college and by the time we were forty we were going to be the perfect family with three kids and two nice cars and live in one of those gated communities. But reality hit us pretty hard in the face. But God always led us threw it. We never planned on having a baby right now, obiviously we aren’t ready yet either. But the day I found out I was pregnant, I was seventeen then, I knew in my heart God done this for a reason. I may not see the reason now but I know in my heart its his plan. I don’t knwo how religion is with you, but this is just my point of view. I live with my boyfriend and I’m pregnant so I’m not the “perfect” christian. BUt I honestly believe God done this for a reason.

    I am seven months pregnant(today!) and being pregnant is so awesome. Feeling this little one moving inside of you its so amazing. Ill never ever forget how it feels. And when David, my boyfriend, how his face gets when he gets to see my stomach move or feel her(her name is taylor grace) move inside of me its so neat.

    I’m against abortion and even though I was only seventeen and living with an older guy and got pregnant the thought never hit my mind, or any one else in my family. I just wanted to tell you that I believe God placed this little one in your life for a reason. From reading your story I get the feeling you would be a great and loving mother no matter the age. Sure, I kinda miss hanging out with friends and stuff but I know that in jsut a few short weeks I’ll have a little one that will bring me more joy then anything else possibly could.

    Please. Email me back and talk to me. I’m not trying to be pushy or bitchy or anything. I just read your story and wanted to share my opinion. But please email me back and let me know how things are going. I hope you have a good day, and I hope you dont have morning sickness it’s horrible lol 🙂

    Maribeth Ross*

    #22269
    AvatarChild_of_God

    Girl, your story put me on an emotional roller coaster..:(
    You have alot that you’re striving for.. You sound like you’re really intelligent and responsible.. and I wish you the best. I only pray you chose to give this baby life. This child deserves the oportunities (I hate that word, I always spell it wrong) that you have. Imagine the huge things your child could do with your genes passed on???
    Hey, if they babys daddy wants it, why don’t you keep it and give custody to the father?? Never mind.. my heart got ahead of my brain.. you plan on staying together…
    Well, I’ll be praying for this whole situation.. I don’t have much advice for you.. sorry..but I can give you love and support..

    #22270
    Avatarjessey223

    You certainly are on the fence. Unfortunately you are not going to please both parties but that is part of being an adult. Making the decision that you see best fits you. I believe you could be the best mom to your child as could any other mother that puts their mind to it. Or you could go thru with the abortion but what if it doesn’t go as easy as your mom makes it out to be. I would say 90% of women regret having an abortion and suffer emotionally with it. I have been on both sides so im not trying to say to do one thing or the next just trying to tell you either choice may turn out different then you are planning. I do wish you the best of luck and my advice would be to follow your heart. Jessica

    #22281
    AvatarKylieAUS

    There is a saying:

    ‘If you try to please everybody, somebody won’t like it’

    At the core of this is you. Please yourself first. Do what you want, what your heart tells you. Whatever decision you make, other people dont deal with it the way you will.

    #22283
    AvatarCh3y_IS_BACK

    Don’t abort. You will pay for it with your life and nothing achieved or accomplished after that will be joyous because you WILL have a black hole in your soul. Its not about making anyone happy but you have a life inside of you not an inconvenient blob. God knows what he’s doing…Maybe it is a sign. You have no idea of the things you could do with a baby. This may force your life into a different direction but an abortion only leads to a life of darkness regardless of the amount of certificates you have and parties you went to.You can never predict how an abortion will effect you. Why risk so much? You have someone behind you who will support you and your mum is most likely saying that because she is worried for you. But you are not her and she is not you. The strength you have could be so much greater. And just because she says she doesn’t regret her abortions doesn’t mean that a) She’s being truthful and b) That you wont regret them niether. Be wise. Choose Life. x

    #22302
    Avataramberk10

    Thanks so much for all your advice! 🙂 Im a newbie so its taking me a while to figure some of this stuff out and to reply….and i dont even know if im writing in the right spot right now….haha

    #22639
    AvatarAnonymous

    I’ve read all the girls advice on here and I can say that they did an amazing job. 🙂 But I would definately have to agree with Ch3y. Read the poem that another girl posted in the first forum and what abortion is. It’s so sad… each time I read it I cry bittersweet tears. I’m only 15 and I’m so happy that I kept my little boy and am going to raise him.

    Update us! 🙂

    #22914
    Avatarsunnyislandgirl

    The choice is yours. If I knew back then what I know now I would’nt have aborted my own at 21 yes 21, chasing independence. A child does not set you back in life you still can have a career after having a child, your own mother did it and lots more women are doing it. Now Im a 26yrs old successful businesswoman that has terrible nightmare and regrets about what I did 6 yrs ago. It darn on me the day i graduated from university that I could have graudated the following year or any other year but I will never ever experience that pregnancy or meet that particualr baby or personality. It may be the easiest way now u maybe want to pretending like it didnt even happen but ur heart will never make u forget.

    #24176
    Avatarlianamutombu

    Wow you have a great boyfriend! You are an amazing women, you have to do whats right for you and your baby…then think about the rest they have to slot into whats right for the two of you, whether they like it or not, both your mom and your boyfriend seem to love you very much…dont be scared, stand up girl your not alone.

    #24214
    Avatarpumpkin21

    At the end of the day it is your decission, and you will have to live with the choices that you make.

    I had my first child at 17, it wasn’t always easy, your lucky to have the support of baby’s father, I never had that just my mother who has since passed.

    You do have a lot going for you right now, but just because you have a baby it doesn’t mean you have to put your life on hold, I still studdied and had my daughter in daycare, where she learnt some awsome learning and social skills.

    No one can make the choice for you, you need to decide and then own it, I know how hard it can be, I’m sort of in a similar position.

    Hope it all goes well either way…
    Let me know how you get on!!

    Best of luck
    xoxoxox

    #24655
    AvatarAshley0912

    Did you keep your baby?

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