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November 4, 2009 at 9:05 am #26067Dolly_91
I am 18 years old and found out last night that I am pregnant. I’m scared knowing that I have a little life growing inside of me and I know I can barely look after myself let alone a kid.
I suffer bad depression and have mild bi-polar meaning having a child at this point of my life would be a bad decision. But the thing that is hurting me the most is, my boyfriend is forcing me to get a abortion. Its not what I want at all, I rather give the child a life and give it to a foster home/adoption family. But my boyfriend says if I went through with the pregnancy that he would NOT stick around as he is too young to be a dad. And if I wanted to keep the kid and become a parent he would not be a part of its life and would deny its his child. I don’t want to lose either my baby or my boyfriend and I’m way too scared to get a abortion as I know it would set my depression off.
Can you please give me advice..?November 4, 2009 at 9:36 am #26069Meg11
Hey there, first of all I wanted to comment on your profile picture, girl…you are too cute!! I LOVE your hair…ok, now to be serious for a few moments, You are 18, you are a legal adult, this is your body, your baby, he cannot force you to have an abortion, he can make threats and pull your heart strings but he cannot shove you into a clinic and demand that you have an abortion…this will have to be your decision and NO ONE can make it for you no matter how much they would want to, including me….I think that adoption is a very loving alternative to abortion, they have open adoptions and I know several people who have placed their children through this type of adoption and have a wonderful ongoing consistent relationship with their kids and the families…You know, I have not been “diagnosed” but I have bi-polar tendencies, it can be hard somedays just to keep my eyes open and get out of bed and then other days I cannot find enough things to accomplish, it is a hit and miss things often times, I ended up with pretty bad post partum depression after I had my last child and I was put on medication for it, it has changed my life and I think I do better with it than I did before I had the post partum depression….I also take vitamin D3 and that helps too because I live in a place where sunlight is rare…LOL…it is usually cloudy and overcast and I don’t get a lot of natural vitamin D…so with that said, I think you make it very clear that you do not want an abortion, you do not agree with the concept and action of abortion yet you have these very valid fears…when I got pregnant the first time at 19 the dad told me he would leave me if I didn’t get an abortion, I ended up keeping my baby and we broke up, we got back together and then broke up again about a month later, then got back together when my daughter was 3 weeks old and stayed together for over a year, I remember it was the first and only time we ever got family pictures done, she was searing the cutest pink fuzzy outfit with a matching head band, we argued the whole way home and as we pulled into the driveway he yelled at me right in front of her 13 months old, and told me he wished I would have had the f*ing abortion….it was not much longer after that when I finally left him, he was abusive and controlling and that is saying it nicely in a nutshell, I saw his heart and it was ugly, how could he look at her after spending a year with her watching her walk, talk, smile, etc….see right now he is scared, just like you are but he doesn’t have the attachment that you do, he cannot feel the life running through his veins that you can, he does not have a protective feeling surging through his body like you do…even though you just found out last night I bet you feel that, you know what is inside of you, you can feel this precious little part of you, small and fragile yes, but there and alive….it usually takes a guy seeing and holding his baby to become a daddy…and as I shared with my story, he left anyways, if he is going to leave you he will leave whether you have the abortion or not, but ultimately you will be the one left with the responsibility whether you have an abortion or not…you will live with the guilt and the empty aching arms, not him, and if you keep the baby and he leaves you can file for child support, he will HAVE to pay, no choice on his part…he can make empty threats all he wants but it is the law…he says he is way too young to be a dad, he IS a dad, he HAS fathered a child, this IS HIS BABY, nothing will change that, same for you, you ARE a mom, ALWAYS will be and nothing will change that, abortion does not erase the life, it just ends it while in YOUR body, You will be left with the consequences, those consequences vary, some girls do it and claim to be ok, most of the time their lives and future decisions prove them wrong, others end up suicidal, more depressed than they were being pregnant and turn to drugs and alcohol and promiscuity….I don’t want that for you, what can you loose by carrying this baby to term and if nothing else place him/her with a loving family of YOUR CHOICE? you can loose a boyfriend who obviously does not love you as he claims if he will not man up and STAND by your side? You can lose some freedom temporarily, but those things are not what life is about, your baby needs you, you are his/her life source, can you sacrifice for a few months and use that time to make up your mind about parenting versus adoption? I mean the risks there are much less painful than the life long regret of abortion…..go ahead and call this number for me, 1-800-395-HELP, they can give you the number and location to the closest Pregnancy Resource Center to you where you can have your pregnancy confirmed, have an ultrasound and get some counseling on all of your options….all of their services are FREE and CONFIDENTIAL and your boyfriend would be welcomed to be a part of all of it if you chose to have him with you….I hope this helps a bit, I am here for you along with so many other girls who have been in your shoes, they may feel awkward at first but once you break them in you will be able to Stand comfortably on your own….please write back and let me know what you are thinking and don’t hesitate to ask any more questions…it shows that you are mature and much more adult like than you give yourself credit for to be seeking a “second opinion”…you are not alone….take care and lots of love….MegNovember 4, 2009 at 10:08 pm #26071Anonymous
Hey chica! My name is Angel n I too am 18 n prego. First of all I would like to say congrats because even though the circumstances are not as you would of hoped for…you are going to be briging a beautiful new life into this world. But I am sorry for the sitation your in. Girl I think that if you DONT want to go through with an abortion than DONT. It IS your body and YOUR baby. You can do whatever the hell you like lol And there are a few alternatives if you decide not to get an abortion. Like adoption n all…and it sounds like you’d much rather do that then follow through with abortion. Hun your boyfriend is being sooooo immature n im super sorry for you! He ovbiously doesnt love you if he wants to murderer your unborn child. Okay n there was soooooo much more I was going to say but I totally just lost it..OMG lol So anywho hit me up if ya wanna chat sometime. N take care chica! I know I dont know you but it feels like we’re all in the same boat here on this site….
~Angel~November 6, 2009 at 4:26 am #26075LettyC
You know what it sound as if wether you get an abortion or not your boyfriend is not gonna stick around much longer … Your baby will be forever your true love…Please keep your baby! Be strong for him/her. Once you see your baby it will all be much better maybe not perfect but I can guarantee that much better. It will be perfect when you hear your baby tell you “mommy I love you so much”November 6, 2009 at 12:15 pm #26077ddwalsh2009
i was once where u are now but i was younger 17years old.it just didnt work out between us my son is 16 years old in high school now and doing really good.the best thing i ever did was
give brith to him.u have to do whats good for u no one else.what can u live with what caant u live with doing.no one has to live ur life but u and take sometime to think this all the way out.there is always open adoption.has that crossed ur mind yet??u can pick the family that can help u raise this child.cause the baby will always be yours but they will hopefully allow u to see how things are going for ur baby well if u want to talk im here for uDecember 26, 2009 at 11:43 pm #26276iswaggaliciious
I’ve had depression and all that on me for a long time and its something that you actually CAN control and get over you just gotta be strong. Good Luck
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