This topic contains 18 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by angie .
- December 31, 2005 at 3:14 pm #10139
I just found out yesterday that I am pregnent to my partner of 8months and have decided witgh him that we cannot support a child and give it the life that a child deserves so I am making an appointment as soon as possible to abort the feotus.January 2, 2006 at 12:32 pm #10153
Brinny – my name is Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand Up Girl with some of her e-mails and when I saw your e-mail I thought "Ohh this poor girl. She must feel so alone. Brinny – can I share with you that I also chose abortion years ago and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t regret my decision? You truly can never really undertand that broken feeling of deep grief until you have gone through this experience, but I am here to tell you that abortion will not make it all better. It changes your life, but not for the better. There are days that I sit and wonder "What would my baby look like today?" "What would it feel like to hear ‘mommy’?". "What would I have today?" "What would it feel like to nuzzle my face into the freshly powdered tummy of my baby boy or my sweet little baby girl?" I will never know the answer to any of those questions nor will I ever hear the pitter pat of those little feet running to me to welcome me home. Because my baby(s) are gone.
Brinny – tears fill my eyes every Mother’s Day and even on some Christmas mornings when so many children are anxiously opening their gifts … yet I have no children to call my own. You see – when I had an abortion that was my last opportunity to have a baby. The abortion that I had ruined any chances of my having a baby again. So I sit here with empty arms with no baby to hold begging and pleading with you … please let your baby live. You can never know the pain and the agony of hearing a tiny cry of a baby … and to know it’s not yours.
Brinny – at 6 weeks gestation your baby has a heartbeat and all his/her little fingers and toes. Those little thubs that he or she have are even big enough for your baby to already be sucking. Yep! Babys at 6 weeks can suck their thumbs. Did you know that it is pleasurable for a baby to suck their thumb? So … if a baby knows pleasure – they also know pain. Abortion is the most horrible and painful way for a baby to die. THen you will live on for the rest of your life wondering. Please Brinny – there are places that can help you and we would love to stand by your side and encourage you through this pregnancy. I will give you a website where you can go and input a zip code in your area and a list of centers that are free and confidential will list on your screen. Please call them before you choose to have your baby destroyed Brinny. THere are a lot of people out there that would love to help you.
Please let me know if you change your mind. I’m praying you will.
Luv LisaJanuary 2, 2006 at 1:48 pm #10155
Brinny, I hope you truely think about what your doing. There is no doubt in my mind that you wouldnt be able to raise and support a child, but if you and the father think that you cant then go the adoption route. Even if you dont keep it, you gave that child a life. I am 15 and pregnant and im giving my baby up for adoption, and i really feel its the best thing i can be doing. Just think it through and dont make any "rash" choices. Let me know how things go. You’ll be in my prayers.January 2, 2006 at 2:14 pm #10157
Im 22 with 3 kids and one on the way. I had an abortion when i was 15, i was devestated. I wake up with night mares. Its a really hard thing to do and not regret doing. I think you should sit and think about your options first before you go ahead and get it aborted.
I will be here for you if you need to talk.
StephanieJanuary 3, 2006 at 2:18 am #10162
Dear Brinny…Don’t give up the sweetest love you’ll ever experience in your life. When your baby is born, your voice, your smell, and your face calm and comfort her (him). When you look into each other’s eyes for the first time, you will know each other. That baby already loves you! She knows who you are, and she is happy in her little home inside you. Brinny, abortion can’t fix anything. It makes things worse. Having a baby can be tough, but nothing is worth the trauma of an abortion.January 3, 2006 at 5:12 am #10167
I was reading your post and wow! You know, you may feel like you can’t give your baby the life it deserves, but at least you can give him or her life. Life is the most wonderful thing and you have capacity right now to either choose to give your child that chance or not. You may feel like your child will not have a "good" life, but what is a good life? As long as your child is loved isn’t that all that matters for a "good" life? If you can supply this for your child, what else do you need to give him or her? There are so many children in the world that go unloved, but I know you have the ability to love your child. I can tell you are concerned for your child, why else would you have posted here? That very fact tells my that you already love him or her and you already have the one thing that your child requires to have a good life.
There is all kinds of help available for women who choose to have their baby. Here is a link to a website that can provide you with almost all of your needs or your baby’s needs for free http://www.optionline.org/advantage.asp or you can call 1-800-395-HELP. At the website all you have to do is type in your zip code and a list of centers will appear. Just call the center and tell them what you need or ask them what they offer. They will be happy to help you. They can also talk to you about making an adoption plan too!January 3, 2006 at 3:33 pm #10179
[b] Reading this message broke my heart. I am a 23yr old mother of 4, and I have also experienced 3 miscarriages. I can completely understand the utter feeling of being overwhelmed by an unplanned pregnancy because I’ve had several. I’m one of the "special" girls that gets pregnant even while using birth control. When I conceived my second child, the thought of abortion did cross my mind, but of course, I could not go through with it. Having lost 3 babies to miscarriages, it breaks my heart to know people feel this is the only choice. I grieved the loss of all my children, and still mourn their deaths to this day. There are so many more options out there besides abortion. And unless you have lost a child, you cant understand the significant heart wrenching emotions you experience. Although I am so grateful for the four living children I have with my husband, my heart still aches every mothers day and christmas and my due dates for my angels that did not make it to this world. I would never wish it upon another mother to experience the death of her child, especially if she knows she deliberately caused it. I thank God for places now like Safe Havens where mothers can safely abandon their child with no reprocussions. I know some people find this system heartless, but to me, its very heart felt; to choose to let your child live even when you know you cant mother him or her.
ChristinaJanuary 3, 2006 at 11:18 pm #10188
Dear Brinny and Amy,
This is the first time I’m visiting this site and after reading your posts I can feel your hurt. I could sense the fear, helplessness, agitation. Even though I’m not going through the same experience you are, I can only imagine how tough it must be.
Amy: your take on being treated as a "murdering naive girl" should be re-evaluated. "Standing Up" simply means facing the pressure that’s around you and going through all the little annoyances related to whatever hard situation we’re faced with and considering things so carefully as not to let anything blind you of what is trully going on. In your case, it’d be understanding that financial obligations, career choices, family pressure, lack of patience or whatever else is bombarding your mind right now cannot blind the fact that a child is already being formed. The idea that you don’t have a baby yet is an illusion, it already exists. Life will never "go back to normal" after you leave the abortion clinic, it’s something that’s happened and can’t be undone, your mind and sense of self may react in a completely different way through feelings of guilt, inadequacy, etc. Know that this is not about you anymore, it’s more than you.
You should consider visiting http://www.americanadoptions.com/
You won’t have any financial obligations, they offer scholarships for women who adopt their children so they can reajust themselves, and many other options. Pleaser look it up.. Just see it with an open mind.. and if you don’t like them there are many other adoption centers.
It’ll take a lot of courage and selflessness to let this kid be adopted and maybe you think that if you do then the problem will never go away because you’ll always think about the kid, etc. But really, would it be any different if you choose abortion? Will your thoughts about this kid disappear forever?January 4, 2006 at 6:21 am #10189
I can too relate to "everything" that Lisa shared with you. I had an abortion years ago and can say that decision has brought nothing but pain and regret, especially around holidays, birthdays and my anniversary day of aborting my little one. We only want to you to be informed and understand, abortion truly does not cure anything, but create more issues than you can imagine. Understand, abortion is not a good choice for your future or your baby’s.
I understand how scared you are and if you and your boyfriend are not able to support a child etc, I encourage you however to take a deep breath and if your truly not ready or equipped to check into adoption. Adoption is such as loving choice. By choosing adoption, you will have given your baby the gift of life and not have to endure the agonizing regret of a lifetime, but also a couple that likely cannot have children but who long to will be blessed.
You, your baby, boyfriend and situation are in my thoughts and prayers.
MistyJanuary 4, 2006 at 9:49 am #10190
I know you wrote your messgae a few days ago, but I hope that you are still checking people’s responses and haven’t gone in for your abortion appointment yet.
I noticed in your note that you said it was a mutual decision with the baby’s father. First of all, you and he should know that something called "Post abortion Stress Syndrome" also affects males. There are many men out there who live with the guilt and regret of a past abortion as well. Also, it sounds like you care about your boyfriend and are serious about each other. Did you know that most relationships end after an abortion? You are more likely to stay together if you have the baby (whether you give it up for adoption or keep it).
We are all praying for you and your boyfriend to make the best and right decision for your child! Hang in there… Take some TIME, talk to someone at a clinic recommended, have an ultrasound, and then listen to what your heart tells you to do!
AJanuary 5, 2006 at 5:57 am #10194
I am 30 years old and may be pregnant. I understand exactly what you and yur boyfreind are feeling. I have 3 children right now. i had my 1st at 15 my 2nd at 20 and my 3rd at 25. Seems like a serious pattern for me every 5 years i get pregnant.
well each child has a different father and i thought that with each four year relationship it would last and we would be together forever. That was just wishful thinking on my part . Each man didn’t stay and care for there child I did and have all by my self. Now that I might be in this scary situation again I don’t think that I can go through it. I can’t afford another child. This child if there is one was not concieved out of love.
MOst people might say that It’s my fault. Yes to a certain point it is. because I layed down with each of these men. so i take my blame.
But at this point i can’t have another baby. I finally started my career and am able to take care of the 3 i have without so much struggle. I just need to be able to go on without looking back. I might just burn in hell for this type of decision. But i have to deal with that.
So you do whats best for u and yours.January 5, 2006 at 7:25 pm #10196
i just want to let you know that i understand your position as i am in the very same position myself. i am 22 indian and belong to a very conservative family. i am about twenty weeks pregnant. My appointment is this saturday and i am so scared. I love my baby so much but know that if he is born he will never be accepted by my family or community. I have also just started a new job after receiving my honours in accounting, and i am so afraid that having my baby will cause me to loose my job.
i hope you find your way, i will pray for usJanuary 6, 2006 at 4:10 am #10200
i dont think you have completely made up your mind. or else you wouldnt have written in here. you must have known we would all try to talk you out of it. its really scary, i know. im 20 and my daughter just turned 3 months yesterday. i never considered abortion…for no reason it just never occured to me. i love her sweet little self so much. shes just starting to chuckle. and loves to cuddle.
so far, it hasnt been that bad. i had to ask for help which im not good at doing but i needed it and now i know its not as hard as everyone says. its hard, but the smiles and the sighs and the sweet little chubby hands that hold onto my shirt when shes going to sleep make up for anything bad.
also, i have two brothers who are adopted. after me my mom had secondary infertility. we all love those two and i remember the first time i realized they were adopted. (i was 9 and 12 when they came over to america from korea). they were at least 5 and 8 before it occured to anyone in our family that they were adopted. i know that sounds dumb but we dont view them as sdopted children, theyre just there.
my point is whether you keep your baby or giving her (him) up for adoption, that baby will know love. and while its not everything, its more than lots of money.January 6, 2006 at 6:51 am #10202
hiya brinny, plz plz think about abortion again,do u rly want to get rid of ur baby or are u scared of having it? Evry girl is scared wen they find out and that can acause us to think irrationally,I know i did, i had an abortion a yr and a half ago n rly regret it.I think about my baby every day, its so true what lisa said u are always asking yourself questions about what he/she would look like or what life would be like, how would it feel to be called mommy.It rly is the hard way out.You feel so empty after and it takes a long time for it to get easier.PLz think again about abortion and what u want. HOpe this helps, take care luv jenna xxJanuary 7, 2006 at 1:06 am #10206
First, I’d just like to say that you are capable of giving your child the life that he/she needs and deserves. This is possible either through you and your boyfriend pulling together and giving your baby a fair chance in the world, or through adoption. I personally believe that abortion is a very selfish and painful option. It’s not at all fair to your baby, or the happiness that he/she would bring you & your bf or another couple.. There are sooo many people out there who are unable to have children, and for you to care for a child for 9months and then give it to another family to care for for the rest of it’s life is one of the best things you can do if you’re totally convinced that you can’ care for it. Please give your unborn child a fair and fighting chance. It’s the right thing to do. My prayers are with you. Love, LauraJanuary 17, 2006 at 9:45 am #10270
Please do not kill your babies! I had my first baby at 15 second at 19 third at 20 and fourth at 23. If you cant accept this baby then please give it up for adoption. There are so many couples out there that want a baby so badly. I could not imagine my life without my daughters. My father almost forced abortion on my first baby but I was too far along for the clinic to kill her and I am so grateful for that. I could never forgive myself if I had killed her. I dont think I could have gone on with life myself. My children are a mirror image of me and their fathers, there are 2 fathers. One for the first and my ex husband is father of the other three. Please consider adoption. Please. At least with adoption you can think of the child and what it looks like not what it could have been with abortion. The child has a heartbeat, a brain, feelings and LIFE. Dont take that away.January 18, 2006 at 3:15 am #10280
I know the last thing you want to hear is someone preaching to you about your decision, but I think that you wanted input just by coming here. So, here’s mine, from experience…
I had an abortion when I was only 17. I was young and scared and just knew I couldn’t raise a child. I had no one to talk with me about my alternatives. I went to a clinic in the next state, with my boyfriend, so my parents wouldn’t find out.
In my case, they told me the pregnancy test was positive, had me sign some paper work and took me back to the room. They hardly spoke to me. No one told me what to expect, or what I might feel afterward. It was a suction abortion. I was laying there on that cold table, exposed, nervous and so vulnerable. I glanced over and saw through the clear tube coming out of my body, what I knew was that innocent little baby and immediately felt a surge of grief and regret. But it was too late.
I forgave myself a long time ago, but the regret has never left me. I now have five beautiful children ranging in age from 16 to 22, I had my first at age 20. There hasn’t been a year that goes by, or an important event in one of their lives that I don’t think about what he or she might be doing now or what kind of big brother or sister they would have been.
Even if you’re making a responsible decision not to have a child right now, think very hard about considering adoption. My sister tried for years to have a child and was unable to because she had Endometriosis and had to have a complete Hysterectomy. Then they were on a waiting list to adopt. Finally, they got the prettiest baby girl with the thickest jet black head of hair! Who by the way has Cerebral Palsy. My sis is just the best mom, but by this time, they were too old to be approved for another adoption.
My oldest brother didn’t find "Mrs. Right" until he was in his forties. They found out they couldn’t have children. Adoption agencies here in the States said they were too old to adopt, but that didn’t stop them. They adopted a sweet baby girl from Belarus.
My point is Brinny, there are so many wonderful people out there who are just aching to have a child to love and raise. It would be the most beautiful and selfless thing you have ever done. What an amazing gift to give a young couple…the gift of a brand new life to have and hold and cherish all their lives. And when people say to you, "Are you sure you’re ready to have a kid?" you can say, "I’m giving this precious life to someone who IS ready."
Please think about it!
Best of Luck,
TrishJanuary 18, 2006 at 9:29 am #10281
Let me just tell you a little about my experience. I am 8 weeks right now and I had the same thoughts you are having…..I always said I would never consider abortion but when faced with this situation I was so scared. I just went back to college I am supposed to start a new job ….not to mention my BF of 2 years proposed to me on new years eve!!!…..we were not expecting this at all. We had so many plans. His first reaction was abortion! Which i was so angry i never expected this especially from my fiance. (He already has 2 kids too from 2 different women)…. Finally he came around and wants to keep the baby……I was so relieved but at the same time I dont feel the happiness i should of expecting a new baby…..he is also very depressed mainly because we had so many goals. But for the first time last night he put his hand on my belly and smiled and that was the best feeling. Trust me I am so glad i didnt make that decision to abort because i know friends who have and they more money on couseling now than they would taking care of the baby……and the love of a baby is so wonderful …..Even though I am dissapointed with myself and scared……I cant wait till i start to grow and ultimately meet my little one. Please reconsider your decision you will live with it for the rest of your life. Whatever you decide though…know that people are not here to judge you ….they are here to comfort you and support you. Good luck and good bless.January 18, 2006 at 12:50 pm #10284
Think very deeply! People only call it a fetus because it is not born yet. That "fetus" has a heart beat by the time you know you are even pregnant.Your baby has the same right to live, the same as you do.I am sure you’ll make the right choice.
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