How do you ever forgive yourself?

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  • #23461
    AvatarEvangeline


    Hi, I’m Eva, I’m 19 years old and 16 months ago I had an abortion. Physically I’ve recovered but emotionally I don’t think it’ll ever get any better:( I don’t know where to turn to anymore. Therepy was the biggest load of nonesense I’ve ever tried, the old quack upset me more than she helped… I think hearing “It’ll be ok”; “You’ll get over it” and for me, the worst of all, “You’ll have another baby”. I DON’T WANT ANOTHER BABY!!! I want the one I lost, the one I never held and loved and comforted.

    I suffer from major depression, everyday is a struggle to keep up appearances and stop myself suffering another breakdown. It’s like I’m an empty shell of my former being, I have no interset in doing the things I once found entertaining, all I think about, day in and day out, is falling pregnant again… But my boyfreind doesn’t want to hear a thing about it. When I mentioned it to him, he asked if that was all that would make me happy… and yes, from where I’m standing, I think that is all thats going to help.

    I think this is more of a rant than a post but I’m desperate to find a coping mechanism, hear from other girls who are also trying to heal and those who have learned to forgive themselves.

    #23500
    Avatarjessey223

    Hi Eva, my name is Jessica and I know where you are coming from. I had an abortion over 8 years ago and I was devastated day in and day out I thought about having a baby. I prayed that the abortion was not successful and I was still pregnant. I like you got over it physically no problem and emotionally could not overcome and forgive myself. I went to counseling and resented myself and my parents for the abortion. Over the years I learned to cope with it and grow from it. I know that makes no sense right now but it’s very true. At some point you will not condone what you did but learn to live with your actions. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and this is one of those things. This will help to mold you as a person and make you appreciate even more when you have children in the future. However I strongly advise not having children until you are marred. Getting pregnant is not going to make the pain go away. And babies can not be replaced. Wait until you are married and be unselfish. I had my abortion at 16 and then had another baby at 18. Well long story short im no longer with my daughters father and my daughter suffers daily because I was selfish. I wish you the best no matter what you decide to do. Jessica

    #23508
    Avatardingdong

    Hi, I am sorry to ask you something on your own post…but i can really use your feedback and advice. I am pregnent..found that out late last week and i dont know what to do…i am wanted to ask your personal experience regarding abortion sinc eyou went through it…can you pleeas advice?

    #23522
    AvatarAnonymous

    Hi Eva. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. The truth is that you will never completely get over your abortion. You CANNOT forgive yourself. But you know what? You can be free from the guilt of the abortion. But the only One who can set you truly free is Jesus Christ. Only once you really accept His forgiveness will you be able to go on with your life.
    I’m sorry that you are having such a hard time, I wish that I could help you!
    Hugs!

    #23786
    Avatarsexysimz

    hi there im simone and well nearly 4 weeks ago i had an abortion and im feeling rely guilty everyday for the choice i made the thing is im still wayting to take a test to see if the termination has passd throu since i took the abortion pills,and ive not yet got ova it im even fraid to go outside as im so paranoyd that i will get lookd at funny and feels like evryone no.s and im being judged

    #23800
    AvatarAnonymous

    Hi Simone! I’m sorry for your loss.
    I would say that probably no one would be able to tell that you had an abortion. But if they can tell, who cares what they think?! I’ve lived my life being different and being judged, but in the end those people who judge don’t matter. It’s my life. So, hunny, this is your life. Don’t live afraid of what people think!

    #23857
    Avatarpinkchik6

    hey, i too had an abortion almost a year ago. you never forget them. i understand what u mean about u only want that baby. not another one i feel the same.

    i break down and cry all the time. it doesnt ever get easier. i think the key is to let the baby go. but yet i still havent been able to either. i hold on to the ultra sound photo and my abortion info. its all ive got, without it it would be like my baby never existed.

    i’m living my life now for my baby in heaven. im doing things like going back to school for my baby. to prove that i wouldve done it if they were here with me. i think all we can do is know that no matter what that child will always be our first. i like to believe i have an angel with me wherever i go.

    Dont forget its ok to cry. we’ve suffered a loss no one could no about unless it happened so dont listen to people when they say it was the right thing, cause only you know what the right thing was.

    x x feel free to mesage me anytime.

    #23868
    Avatartpsw123

    hi, I too had an abortion nearly 11 years ago and your right you may never truly forgive yourself. I know I havent.
    I have had 2 children since but that doesnt stop me thinking about my 1st baby in heaven.

    You need to follow your own feelings and make peace with yourself. I tried to block out my actions as i thought i didnt have the right to cry as it was my choice etc…
    still now there are certain events in my life which make me think even more about it & the guilt is just as strong…

    remember everyone deals with things differently and whats right for them maybe not right for you…

    stay strong xxxx

    #24187
    Avatarsophia roses mummy

    hi hunni
    i know what you’re going thru and im really sorry what you’ve been thru and you never do get over whats happend but we need to stay strong and try to move fwd with our lives and think posotive that your baby is now in heaven and safe.

    loads of hugs gabby xxxx

    stay strong eva 🙂

    im here if you ever wana talk about it bcoz i now how it feels to have an abortion and loose your baby 🙁

    xxxxx

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