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October 9, 2006 at 1:13 pm #12141Saphirestarlet
I just found out I was pregnant. I am 24 years old and live with a very abusive boyfriend. He is an alcoholic, and won’t leave my house no matter how many times I ask him to move out. He has been convicted of domestic violence and is on probation, and if he doesn’t follow probation he will be sentenced to 9 months in jail. Drinking goes against probation. My apartment complex will kick me out if he is arrested there, so I cannot call the police when he is acting erratic
My family lives in Boston and I live in Flagstaff Arizona. They think he’s moved out because he called them once when he was drunk and started telling them that I was drunk and that I wouldn’t come home with him. The reason I wouldn’t come home was that he was being verbal abusive towards me and got kicked out of the bar by the manager, They think we are working on our relationship and that we only see each other once in a while.
I am miserable. I have had two abortions, one from rape and another from being on the patch. The patch wasn’t strong enough to prevent pregnancy because I gained weight from being on crutches for almost a year, My boyfriend constantly brings it up, and calls me a baby killer and tells me I should just go kill myself or he will kill me.
I said if I ever got pregnant again I would keep it and raise it. My boyfriend told me he got tested and couldn’t have kids. He used to be an amature bull rider and hurt himself when he was riding. I believed him and I didn’t for a year that we were together. I refuse to have an abortion because I haven’t forgiven myself for the one 2 years ago, and the one 3 years ago.
I am really depressed. I feel like everyone including my family would be better off without me. I am at my last ropes. I have a college education, but I live in a town that has hardly any opportunity to make a living. I am barely making enough money to pay my bills. I cry almost everyday, while my boyfriend tells me to shut the f*** up. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am feeling horrible about myself, and that isn’t the right environment to bring a child up in, I want to have this baby, but I don’t know how to surive with a boyfriend who is so selfish,
Post edited by: acas, at: 2006/10/09 19:18October 10, 2006 at 11:31 am #12162hurtandconfused
I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. and you are right. Bringing a child up in that environment would be horrible. You need to get out of there before things get worse. I am telling you right now, that if i was in your situation I would tell my family the truth about what is happening. It doesn’t matter what they "think" is going on between you and your bf. They need to know so they can help you! You don’t need a guy like that in your life. No one does. You are beautiful and don’t deserve this. Get out of there now and raise your beautiful baby! You won’t be sorry!! 🙂 Please let us all here know how you are doing!October 11, 2006 at 1:28 am #12172Anonymous
Is there any way you could move and get away from your boyfriend? It sounds like you need support and he does not provide any. You also need to forgive yourself for the abortions you had. Look online, there are websites and programs to help you recover. I’ll be praying for you.
TeresaOctober 11, 2006 at 7:20 am #12183jjs mom
honey i’am telling you right now if you are going to keep that baby you need to get out of there, pregnany is suppose to be a beautiful happy thing not for you to be misarable all the time, go home to your family, and if you can’t do that there are plenty of places that will help you just look it up, i know it sounds scarey starting over and raising your kid on your own but in the end you will realize it’s the best thing you caould do for your baby cause things will only get worst the further along in your pregancy you get, you will need more and you will want more attention. so think about your baby and go far away from that man, when your gone he might realize that he wants his family and change mine was the same way when i left, he realized what he lost, we are still married and happily, he is the best father in the world and now he knows what life is like without me and his son and he dosen’t want that he nneds us as much as we need him, so go babe give him time to think, you are bringing something so beautiful beyond words into this world and you need to enjoy that.. i you need to talk i’m here keep me posted. (don’t let him put his hands on you!!) if he does call the police hopefully your landlord will understandOctober 31, 2006 at 4:09 am #12693Anonymous
i think you should definately tell your family whats going on. they will probably help, or else you should immediately start looking for another apartment. whatever you do you need to get away from this man and out of this environment right away. you dont deserve to be treated that way, you’re worht so much more than that. plus putting that much stress on yourself is not good for the baby. honey please take my advice and get out of there as soon as possible, do it for you’re baby, but more importantly do it for yourself because you are a beautiful woman who deserves so much better than that.
best of luck, my prayers go out to you.
gina lynnNovember 1, 2006 at 2:42 am #12725Anonymous
I know it isnt as easy as it sounds, but you really do need to get away from him. My sister was in an abusive relationship (my nephews father) and it took her three years to get away. She is a manic depressant and it was very bad for her. If he wont leave, you need to. Pack your stuff up and go someday when he isnt there! If he has told you to kill yourself or he will then it is time for you to get away! Go stay with a friend or a relative until you can get a place. Or move back to where your family lives! When your baby is born you dont want him/her to be around a person like that! Whos to say that if he is that cruel to you he wont be to your baby???? Men like that can abuse a child as well as the mother! You need to think of the life that you have in you and get away from that all! You are smart and I bet your a wonderful person. Dont let a man get you down and make you feel this way! And dont let a man like that be around your precious child! Your child could turn out like him if the child is raised around it! You can make a better life for your baby and yourself! No woman deserves to be treated the way you do! Its sickening tha he can treat you like that! Please Please for the sake of that fragile life leave that terrible man. And just because you had an abortion doesn’t make you what he called you!
Post edited by: acas, at: 2006/10/31 14:48November 1, 2006 at 3:39 am #12728haley
girl you need to get away from him… and I know what you mean when you say thta Flaggstaff doesnt have much… i live in Az also so i have been there but girl if there is anyway possible move to phoenix… it may seem impossible but phoenix has so many opportunities for you… and you will be away from your boyfriend and all…. if you need any help with anything i can help im here…..November 1, 2006 at 7:04 am #12732Anonymous
I just want u to know I know…. I am going through the same thing. My boyfriend occasionally would push or slap me and then it got worse. He would punch me slap me, puh me so hard I would fly. I got so fed up I jumped off a third storey balcony when I was 4 months pregnant. My baby lived but he left me in the hospital all alone in a city where I had nobody for weeks. He was my only way of support and he knew it. He is a huge alcoholic and drug-abuser. I got out of hospital and treid to get away buthe always suckered me to come back… money…. love…etc He would always go back to the way he was though. I got so scared and sick of everything I tried to hng myself but he found me and then the next day beat me up…t old me he wanted to kill me called me all sorts of names… so I called 911 and he still hurt me but they have all recorded and the cops broke down the door when he was trying to brake my arm. I now have a restraining order and he is being charged. Cops phone all the time and even come here to make sure he is not here. I honestly still love the guy … I know sick hey…. but now that I am away I know its the right decision… I’m still unsure of everything but one thing… I WILL NOT let him hurt me again… please try… please… u don’t deserve this…. I am not the kind of person to get away like this and I did it…. so I know u can… there is so much support places… such as Birthright which is international… try please….:(November 2, 2006 at 3:45 am #12751persianprincess
Hey, I am so very sorry for what you are going through, put I hope that you don’t decide that it’s a part of life, and accept it. I know alot of women in abusive relationships, and I don’t believe anyone but them, can help to change that fact. Remember that no matter how good therapy is on the part of the government or any organization, it takes time and that it would make him angrier for a while because he’s attending it for you. What I would probably do in your situation is to look for another place, in the same city, and give your landlord a notice without your boyfriend knowing, ofcourse that would be impossible if his name was to be on the lease for your apartment. You can then, I’m sure call the cops if you thought that was the best option. But move, and time will heal things for you. By the sounds of it, you are a strong woman and you will overcome this situation. Remeber that your life and thelife of your child is more important than money, and material things. If you have to, just move to where your family is and start over there. Don’t think of this as a setback, think of it as a way Good luck, and take care of yourselfNovember 3, 2006 at 9:05 am #12781teachermom
You sound very depresed and you need to get AWAY from him
IT DOES NOT have to be like this. There are MANY kind and decent men in this world – I cringe when I see so many of you trying to force bad men int oyour vision of what you want your life to be. YOU have to leave him if you have this child. YOU CANNOT SUBJECT A CHILD TO THIS MAN!
I wish you would all THINK about the "daddy" you are providing for innocent children. EVERY child deserves to be LOVED and CHERISHED and WANTED – not jus twhen they are cuddly and itty bitty – but when they are 3, and 6 and 12 and 15.
PLEASE do not let this sperm donro be daddy. You have new obligations now – wither to get away and raise this child in a safe & loviong environm,ent or to allow a capable family to do that.
I feel bad for you and I’m sorry to be harsh but it’s not about YOU anymore.
Please think about the life you wan to create for your child.
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