Help please! don’t know what to say to her?

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  • #10901
    Avatarscottybigheart

    Hi everyone i am 27 years of age i already have a little boy who is 4 my recently ex girlfriend has just fallen pregnant and she doesn’t know what to do?

    She say’s that i am a nice guy and know i would do the right thing by her and the baby but she has this image in her head of meeting the love of her life ,getting married then having kids. She say’s that half of her family don’t like me but i don’t care. She want’s to pursue her career in science , i said that she could and i would look after the child. I really want this baby and i know the baby will have 2 parent’s who will be very good for the child.
    She has had one late abortion before and she still thinks of that all the time.She believes that God is punishing her for her last abortion. She has told me that she even tried to drown herself on one occation.

    I feel so sorry for her but what ever i say to make her try and feel better does not work. I don’t want her to have an abortion then kill herself after all i do still love her very much. She hasn’t got any friends to talk to (female friends) So she feels all alone. I just don’t know what to do could someone please help with some suggestions. :unsure:

    #10906
    AvatarDiMpleZz726

    hey…

    Ya know im not 27 yrs old, but i do feel alot like ur ex girl…I just think that you should just be by her side and help her im whatever, talk to her let her know that youll alwayz be there let her tell you what she feels what she really wants to do and just make her feel special…ya know? I dont know how your with her but i know that when i feel like dat i just need someone to talk to to listen to me and just be there…well look i hope whatever you do things work out for you…

    B) DiMpleZZ B)

    #10913
    AvatarAnonymous

    Hi, I don’t really know to much about what a guy should do in that situation. But I do know one thing. God isn’t punishing her for having an abortion. Infact, He isn’t even mad at her. He was crying for her when she made that choice and will forgive her for it. Has she gotten any post abortion counceling? I know that that has helped me out alot. You two should try to find a good Christian councelor and see if they can help her through the greiving process. And as for the education situation, I think that that is great that you have offered to watch the kids. That takes a good man to do that. And as for trying to help her, don’t tell her that you understand what she is going through, because every person grieves loss differently. But, try to be comforting and just listen to what she has to say, be her shoulder to cry on. Be supportive and loving and most of all keep praying.

    Hope that this helps you both our.
    I will keep you in my prayers.
    Britnie 😉

    Post edited by: Julie, at: 2006/05/02 00:44

    #10929
    AvatarKit

    Scotty,

    You said that this is your recently ex-girlfriend. Perhaps it is none of my business but I was curious as to why you broke up? Did the pregnancy contribute to the break-up? Did you break up before or after you found out about the pregnancy? You said that she has had an abortion in the past – were you involved as the father in that pregnancy?

    I would be there for her as much as possible and reinforce to her that you do care about her well being and you do care about this child and want to be a part of its life – both emotionally and financially.

    It sounds like she is really struggling emotionally from her past abortion. Encourage her to seek out counseling from a group like project rachel or other post abortion support and counseling. If she does not feel like she is ready for parenthood yet then she should consider adoption as a good alternative.

    Having another abortion will likely only add to the hurt and pain that it sounds like hse is already dealing with. It is too bad that fathers do not have more power to speak up in making life affirming decisions about their unborn children.

    Too often we hear stories where the boyfriend advises for abortion and push their girlfriends into having abortion. I am glad that you want to give life to this child. If she is your ex now it may be more difficult to persuade her, but be supportive and encouraging.

    Kate

    #11605
    AvatarDany84

    Hey scotty!

    I would like to congrate you on this major step that you took: realising that your lady needs help, and also realising that maybe you do not feel equiped enough to give her the essential advice that she so desperately needs now.
    It just goes to show how much you care and how deeply this lady is loved by you.

    The only thing I can recommend now, is that you tell her about this website, and let her subscribe and visit the chatrooms. Just knowing and being aware of other people, from all over, being in your exact shoes, or worse, can make the worlds difference in how you perceive and deal with your situation.

    Good luck……

    #11699
    AvatarAnonymous

    im only 16 but im 5 months pregnant. i have some advice. one of the things you can do is print out some of the articles of girls on here who regret abortion everyday. i bawled my eyes out to some of the columns. Another thing you can do is go to a pregnancy counsiler. They will talk to you and help you through it. I dont have any female or male friends anymore due to my pregnancy. I have no one to talk to. She could get an account on http://www.clubmom.com. its a whole bunch of expectent mothers and mothers who talk about their problems. and babycenter.com has a lot of information also. All you can do is tell her its going to be ok and comfort her. thats what she needs right now is comfort. i hope i helped. if you need anything my email is lissy012207@yahoo.com

    -liss :dry:

    #14236
    Avatarmuah

    ok…. i dont think that killing herself wouldnt solve anything and i think u should let her know that. tell her that god isnt punishing her for getting an abortion, he’s giving her another chance to make the right choice. if u want the kid and u will support and help her and she chooses to keep it, then the baby will have a good life with loving parents no matter if u two get back together or not. tell her ur there no matter what and that if she wants to have a career and a kid its possible. take her places and help her have fun so she wont feel alone and if anything im here to talk to her too =]

    #14247
    Avatargoodluckyall

    You mention she wants to meet Mr. Right and get married, have kids, etc, but have you mentioned she can still do that and have the baby? If you want the baby, then she should consider allowing you the chance to raise the baby yourself. She can have as much or as little to do with the child as you and she deem agreeable. If she really is against having any sort of involvement, she could terminate her parental rights legally. Everyone talks about the woman’s right to abort, but what about the guy’s rights? Good luck to you.

    #14252
    AvatarRainagrace7

    Plwase encourage her that God does not punish us for our sins by creating another life! Life is a blessing and a gift from God. Maybe this is God’s way of giving her a second chance to make a decision that will be better for her, for the father and the baby! Either way, this baby deserves to live and she does not deserve to go through what she experienced the first time with the abortion.

    Your support is probably very important at this time but be sure that you are encouraging her to make a choice that she can live with this time.

    God Bless and we will be praying for you, momma and the baby!

    #14552
    Avatardarlene

    …She is suffering from her consequences of her choice and I wish I could take her pain away. Just love her and support her and know the facts. It will make a huge difference. Many women do not know that life begins at conception and the heart is beating at about 8 weeks. I will pray for you. God Bless!!

    #15506
    AvatarMeg11

    If she is feeling guilty about the abortion and thinks that God is punishing her for it I would strongly recommend both of you to read through the bible. The God I know does not punish people for making wrong choices. He allows us to suffer reprocussions I suffer many from my past but He is so full of forgiveness. Please find a church in your area that is a bible teaching non denominational or christian and call or go in together. I wouldexplain your situation to the pastor and ask him to tell you more about Gods grace ifyou havent experienced it much. My heart goes out to both of you and thank you for standing up for what is right and for being willing to take responsibility. Jesus loves you both ….. God Bless

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