sunday 20th december 2009.
my daughthers first birthday.
only she wasnt here to see it.
me and her dad have spilt up again.
so i had to celebrate it on my own, and i just couldnt do it.
ten o’clock, pm.
i opened the big bottle of tablets.
ten past eleven, i was in the back of an ambulance.
i had overdosed.
i was in hospital for 13 hours.
my baby’s dad came when i rang him,
2 o’clock in the morning.
i cant handle this anymore,
i just dont know what to do.
i wake up every morning and hope to see little lexie-mai and ryan there with me.
but neither of them are.
ry is still obviously here, but i cant call him mine anymore.
now everyone treats me differently.
silly things make it worse.
i want to cancel christmas.
my mum has made me come up to hers to look after me,
shes asking if im ok every ten minutes.
and if i havent got a smile on my face she gets all panicy.
the only time im left in a room on my own is when im asleep, going to toilet or in the bath.
someone please help me,
i cant do it anymore!
i just want to be with my daughter,
no matter what it takes.