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June 8, 2007 at 3:51 am #17681taryn7685
I am 22 years old and am now 10 weeks along in my pregnancy. I am very confused about whether keeping my baby is the right thing to do. I was the victim of rape and wound up pregnant..but, it could also be my ex-boyfriends. It is very hard to make my decision not knowing who the father of my child is. I would really appreciate some advice and guidance on whether or not I am doing the right thing…Not only that, but my parents are not taking any of the news the way I expected. They dont want me to have the baby-and I really feel that it is because it will ruin their self image and I am ruining their "perfect" family. I am alone and I am not sure how much support I am going to get from my parents if I end up having the baby. They feel that this is all their fault and they didn’t raise me well, that this happened to me. The worst part is: my family and friends are in a different state-because I moved away with my now ex-boyfriend a few years ago. I need help….before its too late!June 8, 2007 at 8:58 am #17684Meg11
Hello there..My name is Meagan and I am with Stand Up Girl, I am so glad that you found this site and that you are seeking advice on your situation….you came to the right place. I am sorry that your family is not standing by your side right now while you are in such a tough spot. I could imagine the fear and confusion that surrounds you right now but I want to let you know that you are not alone. There are many girls on this site who have had or are in the midst of an unexpected pregnancy…myself included. I also know of others who have babies as a result of rape. Please don’t make any sudden moves right now as you are in a state of panic and what ifs. You will never regret being a mommy but you will regret abortion. Right now your baby’s heart is beating and your baby is 100% dependent on you for food and nourishment and life itself. Not knowing if this baby was conceived by your ex or by the rapist has got to be a very difficult question to have floating around in your mind but what ever the answer is it does not downplay the fact that this baby is YOUR baby…you know that for sure..no questions about it. Don’t let anyone convince you that YOUR baby will ruin your life, don’t let anyone convince you that YOUR baby was a mistake, don’t let anyone convince you that you won’t love YOUR baby the same as anyone else loves their baby. Right now you are 22…I was 19 when I got pregnant with my first. You are way further ahead in life than I was and probably alot more mature and responsible as well. I didn’t have my parents either to stand by me…actually my mom killed herself when I was 3 1/2 months along and I found her body. I know how hard it is to take care of a child by myself without anyone else’s support but my daughter is happy and she has never failed to bring a smile to my face when those around me cause me to frown. I was a single mom for 4 1/2 years and 2 of those years I had 2 on my own. It is not an easy job but it has so many rewards. I hope you make the choice to be a Stand Up Girl….you can do it and don’t let anyone tell you other wise…please let us all know if you have more questions and let us know if we can help you find resources available in your area….We love you and care about you and your baby…With all my heart…MeaganJune 8, 2007 at 9:30 am #17687goodluckyall
To be honest, I don’t think you can base your decision on how your baby was conceived. The only reason I say this is because DNA can’t be done until after the birth, and by then you’ll likely be in love already. Can you live with a child born of rape? I’m not judging you by asking. It’s just something you have to ask yourself. You shouldn’t make any decision based on your parents’ self images either. Ask yourself if you’re able and willing to do what it takes to care for this baby financially and otherwise. I would never suggest abortion in either case, but you may choose adoption if you feel you can’t handle this alone. I’m sorry you’re in this position of making such a hard decision. Please think long and hard about all aspects of this and choose life for your baby. Even if you are unable to do this alone, which may not even be the case with all the help nowadays, someone will be glad to parent your child. There are many programs to help you financially, but I’m concerned about how you’ll handle the emotional aspect in the case of the baby not being your ex-boyfriend’s. It might be a good idea to seek counseling from a nonbiased party.June 8, 2007 at 1:09 pm #17691MrsTWalsh
First off, we have the same name, yay! Your parents first reaction may change and it may not. My parents didn’t take the news of either one of my pregnancies very well. By the time I got to being about three months they had accepted the idea and grew more and more excited and involved as my pregnancy progressed. It seems that since you are questioning this you already feel that abortion is not for you. I encourage you to have this baby, it is not as impossible as it seems and once you meet your child you will wonder how you ever survived without them. I am so sorry that you have had to experience rape. I have been through that myself (by a person I knew nonetheless) and it is still difficult for me to process that I went through that, that I was raped… This baby is yours. Your baby will be the only person who ever knows what your heart sounds like from the inside. It is ok for you to be excited about this and it’s ok for you to cherish the little person growing inside of you, even if it wasn’t what you had planned. I think that you would regret making a decision you didn’t agree with based on your parents feelings. You are a 22 year old woman 🙂 and if you want to raise a baby you are more then capable. I promise. Explain to your parents that this is your decision and you need their love and support right now more than ever. You can do this lady!!!!June 9, 2007 at 3:18 am #17696lisaJune 9, 2007 at 3:18 am #17697lisa
Dearest Taryn -hi! I’m Lisa and I help Becky here at the Stand Up Girl with some of her e-mails.
Taryn firstly can I say how so very very sorry I am that you had to experience rape and then on top of your distress, pregnancy and unmarried – not sure as to who the father is … and then of all things a lack of support from your parents for life.
Taryn – I have to say that I am so so proud of you! You have come here, let your hair down and expressed your heart to us and I think the reason is … you have the heart of a mother reaching out for help and encouragenemt … and love for you and your baby. Taryn, I truly believe that you ARE a Stand Up Girl. That the life of your baby … your very own flesh and blood … is a life worth saving. I know that you know that … and read every word of each girl that lovingly responds to you here. We all want to Stand with you.
I wish that I could go back and change what I have done and the choices that I have made. But I can’t. You see … I did choose abortion for my babies and there is NOT a day that goes by that I don’t regret it. I wish I could have another chance. Because if I could … I would choose life. I wouldn’t care about any other opinions around me. You know why? It’s my baby and not their baby. I have to live with the choice that I make … not them.
Please do know Taryn, that your parents do love you. They think that this is what is right in protecting you … but unfortunately society lies and says that abortion is good and safe. But it’s emotionally crippline and a scar that only the mother of her aborted child will carry with her.
I see, time and time again, moms and dads coming around. I mean … this little baby that you are carrying is their grandbaby.
Imagine this … Holding a 7 pound, warm bundle in your arms. You look down and you can hear little girgles and that little bundle smells just like a sweet baby powder smell. That little bundle looks up at you and all of a sudden … you get the biggest gumless smile you’ve ever seen! Your heart melts!
Taryn – that will happen. And a baby can be so healing … even in the case of rape. Life given even in the face of pain like you have experienced. And you know what? We are right here to help you walk though this experience.
I also have a link to help you locate a nearby free and confidential center and a toll free 800# in case you’d like to talk to someone who can give you some good direction too. And please, will you come here and let us know how you are and I WOULD LOVE to see a response from you that says:
I AM GOING TO STAND FOR THE LIFE OF MY BABY. I’M GOING TO BE A STAND UP GIRL.
Taryn – you can do this! I have total and complete belief in you!
Please let us know how you are.
Luv LisaJune 12, 2007 at 4:39 am #17722Mommieofchris
well this isnt about your parents.. or your family.. this is about you and your child. so it could be your ex’s or it could be your rapists? either way its a living being.. it has your blood and flesh also. i know what its like to loose a baby even when you think you dont want it, or think you cant do it, and its the worst feeling ever. i personally think you should carry to term, and either give it up for adoption, or be a mother. but if you look at this as a mistake, im one to beleive that some of the biggests mistakes in this world, turned out to be a better thing then expected… i think this child deserves a chance. and i beleive you can do it… here i am almost seventeen with a almost two year old… you just have to follow what your heart tells you. good luck, i hope you make a good deision
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