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March 4, 2006 at 10:19 pm #10506eloqa
I’m not sure if i really belong on this site…i may be a bit old but i feel incredibly lost and lonely at this moment. A week ago i found out i was pregnant. My immediate reaction was to book a termination. My grounds for doing so at that time were mainly feeling my partner and i wouldn’t have enough money to support it and feeling incredibly overwhelmed by the thought of such a life changing decision. Through the week i’ve thought of nothing else and am experiencing nausea (how do you spell that?) all day and all night making it a very real feeling that pregnancy is in fall swing. I’ve spoken to good friends about my decision..some who’ve had kids and some who’ve had abortions. Everyone i’ve spoken to feels i should go ahead with it…and have said "you never do have enough money"…and " you never really are prepared emotionally"…they feel i would be a good mother and that this could be a beautiful opportunity. I’m 32 and in a way a worry that i’m getting older etc..that i’m probably in my prime to have a child. I feel terrified though. I feel terrified about having an abortion and the emotional consequences of this and i feel terrified about imagining myself as a mother. My partner is supportive of my decision either way. I feel very confused. Sorry for waffling on.March 5, 2006 at 3:25 am #10507Anonymous
Hello. I know how you feel. I was 27 when I found out I was pregnant. I had never dreamed I would ever have children. I just didn’t see me as a Mother. Some how I thought that just was not for me. Once I found out for sure, I never thought of abortion. I just knew that I could not live with myself if I did that. My partner was all for having an abortion. Fortuantely I did not listen to him. I have a beautiful 19 year old daughter now. I would’nt trade the experience of having her for anything in the world. It was not always easy, but some how I made it through. I would say that everything happens for a reason and maybe this is what you need in your life and you just don’t realize it right now.
My stepdaughter is 26 and just gave birth to our first grandchild (a girl) this past Weds. She thought about having an abortion because she just didn’t think she could do it. She will be raising her alone with help from family and friends. She made the decision to give her life. She was holding her and looking at her the day she was born and said I can’t believe that I ever that about not having her. There is just something about holding that child in your arms and knowing that she is a part of you. There is no other feeling like it.
I would say that you have been blessed with a gift.
Good luck to you.
Happy GrandmaMarch 5, 2006 at 7:09 pm #10511eloqa
Thanks Happy grandma for sharing your experience…what a great one it is too.
Last night was definately the peak of all the emotion i’ve felt about being pregnant so far. Today i feel as nauseus (still can’t spell it) as yesterday but much clearer about my decision. I’ve explored with my heart and mind all the possibilities of having this child…i’ve minused the fear, the financial struggle and job responsibilities, i’ve looked at what a wonderful experience it could be…what it could add to my life, how lucky i am to even have the chance, how maybe i’m playing with fate by not having it. But even still i ended up feeling i am not emotionally ready for this child and i feel i have to trust this feeling and stay strong. This is without a doubt the biggest decision i’ve made in my life so far but i feel its right for me at this time. I felt very lonely last night and i am most greatful for your feedback. What a great space this is for women to get together and find such wonderful support.
Thanks again 🙂March 8, 2006 at 5:20 am #10524Anonymous
I just wanted to add my 2cents. I remember when I was pregnant with my first child. I was 25 and I was actuallly really excited but I was worried because I never "bonded" with the baby like some people say you do. I was even really upset when I found out I was having a girl. ( I thought I wanted a boy for some reason.) Anyways, I felt guilty for even thinking about not having the baby. However, I just gritted my teeth and held on. I am soooooooo glad now that I did! I never did bond with my baby until the day I gave birth. It is the weirdest thing, but as soon as I saw my baby and held her in my arms, I have never felt as much love as I did at the moment. Having a baby is like a miracle.
Also, I noticed that you are 32. I have a friend that is 33 and she can’t get pregnant no matter how hard she has tried. She has spent over 30 thousand dollars on fertility treatments too. The older you get, the harder it can be to even have a baby so it might be a blessing in the long run.
Hope this helps a little.March 8, 2006 at 9:26 am #10526Anonymous
Dearest Eloqua – my name is Lisa and I am from the Stand Up Girl website. When I read your e-mail I just had to respond and tell you from a different perspective. My story is also on this website and it is from the perspective that you are waffling back and forth on. Abortion.
Eloqua – there is absolutely nothing that is worse than the regret of abortion. To this very day … I do not have any babies. The only baby I could have ever had, I aborted. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t regret my choosing not to allow my baby to be born.
You know what Eloqua? Even girls that are married and snug in a perfect setting are scared when they get pregnant. Trust me … it is not only a scary experience, but the most wonderful experience that anyone could imagine. That’s all I can do is … imagine. Please Eloqua – once you get past your first trimester you more than likely will be finished with your morning sickness. Then all it takes is waiting to see when you feel that first movement. The first movement you feel, I’ve been told feels like little gassy bubbles. Isn’t that exciting? Hey – did you know that at 6 weeks, your baby can already suck his or her thumb?
So Eloqua – tonight before you go to bed. If you begin to feel those ‘scared’ feelings. Remember this. This is YOUR little precious baby. The most important thing that you can ever give this child is LOVE. Yes – it will change your life. But for the better. So when you are holding your little baby in your arms – just remember – there will NEVER come a day that you will regret the choice to let your baby live.
Please Eloqua – just Stand Up Girl! You are surrounded with girls that will Stand with you. I for one will!
Luv LisaMarch 13, 2006 at 5:31 am #10579Anonymous
Hi. I just wanted to drop you a note on your posting. I know sometimes all of the advice and suggestions and stories can make your own personal battle with feelings, fears and hopes that much more stressful. I had many different stories and beliefs put onto me when I was pregnant for the first time. Mainly because I was 14 when I got pregnant with my son. Very unexpectedly , obviously. I wanted to share with you my experience not only because I struggled with many of the same feelings but also because my boys (yes 2) are now 9 and 6 and I have had the experience of seeing the outcome of my decisions of having my children at such a young age. I’ve experienced a huge uphill battle and I am an amazingly strong person because of the battle. Not only did I have to raise 2 boys on a limited education (I never went to college) but I had all eyes on me waiting for me to screw everything up. I had been told repeatedly that my life would be over and I wouldn’t have a way to raise them etc..etc… Well… to date, I have had an amazing experience being a mother to my boys. Everything I have done to date has been with them in the center. I don’t ever say it has been for them because in reality, it has been for me. But they are there grounding me , anchoring me and loving me no matter what. It has been worth the emotional and financial struggle. I am me. I am a mom. And I can overcome anything life throws my way because of them. Being someones mother is the hardest job in the world, but totally and completely the most rewarding. Picture going to your job everyday and being praised by your boss for just being there. The rewards of being someones mother are 100 million times more gratifying and exactly that. You are constantly rewarded..on a daily basis for doing something that simply comes from your heart..loving . The rest follows. It is only as hard as you’ll let it be. But worth everything in the world. Good luck on your decision. Whatever you may choose. Always know yourself and what is in your heart. Just thought I would give a view.March 13, 2006 at 10:51 am #10587bernie2s
Hi jst wanted to share my ezperiance. I am 28 years old, I will be 29 in a month so we’ll just round up I guess. Anyway off base, pregnancy definatley makes you loony. I am 13 weeks pregnant and scared more tha you can believe. My mother travels Im sure my step father will help out here and there but otherwise it will be just me. I will tell you I had an abortion 2 years ago, at the time since I was a drug addict and a borderline alchoholic(is there such a thing?) it seemed like the best thing at the time but I can never forgive my self. I am now clean, so it is a blessing. I woss you lots of luck and if you need anything post Ill be around, my personal life has kinda not around anymore!
Post edited by: Julie, at: 2006/03/15 01:23
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