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September 10, 2005 at 9:18 am #9230Anonymous
im so confused its driving me crazy. i have a 4yr old that doesnt live with me, she lives with her dad. i want her so bad but i cant provide for her yet. i just broke my neck and im 22 i have no car no job and no home im staying with my sisiter. i have a bf 2 hrs away and weve been together almost a year and he has a son also. i am 10wks pregnant. i dont know what to do. we have decided to get an abortion because neither one of us feel we can give this baby a good life considering we’re doing so poorly with the children we have already brought into this world. we dont want to get married or sacrafice anymore of our future we want to finish school and develope meaningful relationships with our children. we messed up and repeated out mistakes and now i dont know what to do. i dont want to have an abortion, but i feel its whats best. if we have this baby it will force us to get married and rush into something we;re not ready for and our relationship will never be good and we will end up getting divorced and what kind of life would that be for a child? someone just tell me what to do before i go insaneSeptember 10, 2005 at 2:49 pm #9232BigAlsMom02
First of all, I hope everything gets easier for you. And second of all I really think you should consider adoption. You wouldn’t have to raise the child then and you could also stay in touch with the family through open adoption. And there are many people out there that want children but are unable to have them. Sorry this is so short. God Bless You, and good luck with your decision.
~Katie~September 11, 2005 at 1:48 am #9233Kit
It sounds like you are in a difficult situation. Don’t rush into any decision quickly and rashly. Take a good look and pray about the options.
1. While it is true that it is ideal for children to be raised in a family with a loving relationship between a mom and dad it is not best for you, your children or your boyfriend if you rush into marriage just because of a pregnancy. Marriage can be wonderful, but you must both be ready and willing to make that committment. Even if you are not married your bf can still be involved both emotionally and financially in your child’s life. This might be another chance to prove that you can be a good mom and to get custody of your son back.
2. Abortion may seem like an easy solution, but it is more complicated than it seems on the surface. I have never had an abortion, but I have met women who have strong regrets and pain from past abortions. Before you go through with an abortion please read the stories from other girls who have gone through the same experiences in the forums and Dear Becky letters. Also please look and see how developed your baby already is. I hope and pray that this may change your mind.
3. In your case it sounds like adoption may be the best option. Some agencies will cover the costs of pregnancy and delivery. You could look for an open or closed adoption situation and could possibly even choose your baby’s adoptive parents. I can’t guarantee this route will be easy. I can tell how much you miss your son, since your ex-bf has custody. However at least you can still (I’m assuming) see him from time to time and know that he is alive, healthy and happy. You can still show him that you love him.
If you choose abortion you will ALWAYS miss the child that you will NEVER get to see or share love with. I won’t judge you for the decision you make, but I hope and pray that you think very seriously before having an abortion. I will pray for you and your children.
KateSeptember 11, 2005 at 4:51 am #9238Anonymous
I’m not sure if any one can tell you what to do, but we can give you the facts, options, and resources available to you. Depending on where you live, Im sure there is a crisis pregnancy center near by that can help you through this huge decision. There are also resources online that can give you useful information. There is thinkaboutitonline.com that has a 15 minute video you can watch that will help you see the truth about abortions. No matter what you decide, there will be residual effects. You seem to already know some of the effects of keeping the baby, but have you thought about what might happen if you abort the child? There are physical, and more importantly emotional effects that will haunt you. You do have other options besides abortion. There’s adoption. I know plenty of people just in m y sphere of influence that are unable to conceive and want to adopt a child. There are also places you can go that can help you work with the situation you are in, should you choose the keep the baby. You can find out more about these are your local crisis pregnancy center. i highly suggest you check out all these avenues before you decide to end the life that is growing inside of you. I know that feeling…I have a 5 week old. I remember seeing my first sonogram at 8 weeks. He looked like a little peanut, but there was this flutter going on inside that peanut. When I asked the doc what it was, she said it was the heartbeat. My husband and I both teared up. That was our child. Now granted, Owen was a wanted child, but a child is a child. good luck with your journey and you are in my prayers.
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