- This topic has 8 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated by .
May 9, 2008 at 1:25 am #21172jennyandtrouble
Hey, im not pregnant but i have a 5month old son and im thinking of giving him up for adoption because i want him to have alot more than i can give and i want more of my life before i settle down for a family if i ever do. wud any1 b willin 2 share the expiriences with me. thanks jennyMay 10, 2008 at 2:26 am #21180Shluna105
I have never given a child up for adoption but I thought that I would share some advice. I think that you should do what is best for you and your child. You have to keep in my what is best for your child welfare, since you are the mother. But, you also have to think about the consequences of your decision. Only you have to live with that decision. If you think that this will be in your childs best interest, then you should do it. It will be hard, but it can be done. I am keeping adoption in the back of my mind, I know that I am not ready for a kid, and I know that I dont like kids. But, thats just me. I wish you the best in whatever you do, and good luck. This is going to be one of those decisions that only you can make. So clear your head, take a minute and think about it all. Dont let other ppls opinions cloud your thoughts. Goodluck!!!!May 10, 2008 at 6:13 am #21182Meg11
I think adoption is always a loving alternative to raising a baby yourself. However some things to think about first are why are you considering it? Is it to have your "free life" back again, do you feel guilty that you cannot be a stay home mom or buy your child brand new things, do you feel pressured by other people to do this or do you feel like you will not be a "good enough mom"? If it is any of the above reasons that are driving you to consider adoption then I think you will be a great mommy. When we are concerned for our kids well being and material needs that we may not be able to provide very well it shows that you love your child so much that you would give your left arm just to feed them. In todays culture we don’t have to do that though, there are many resources out there and as a young, single or unwed mother (I was all 3) we feel like we don’t have what it takes to be a mom. Our kids do not NEED name brand new clothes, there are many stores out there like the one where I live called Encore Kids, you can bring in the clothes that no longer fit your child and trade them for larger ones, they only let people trade clothes that are in good condition so it is not like you are giving your child yucky used clothes, just slightly used. There are also many other resources to help like WIC, food stamps and assistance with child care. I had to work full time for a few years of my single motherhood journey and my kids survived just fine, we never went without a need and we even got to do fun things like go to the fair or carnival. You just have to make the best of it and as long as you love your child and make sure you get quality time then the amount of time will not be as much of an issue…Now if you feel like you just do not have the bond and attachment and love that your child needs then keep praying about adoption but if it is just fear of now providing well enough then just know that you can and will do fine as long as you make the effort…here is a link to a post that came in the last couple of days from a girl who was raised by a teen mom, it is wonderful and it shows how your won child will see you when they become an adult, they do not care about brand names and money or status, they just want love and the basic needs… https://standupgirl.com/web//index.php?option=com_fireboard&Itemid=257&func=view&id=19443&catid=2
We are all here for you on SUG and I hope that you will make the best choice for yourself as well as your little guy….Lots of Love and prayers…MegMay 13, 2008 at 8:30 am #21190Julie
I haven’t placed a child for adoption, but I am Mommy to my adopted son. I am friends with his first mother and walked through much of her pregnancy with her. We have the beautiful bond of loving the same child with all our hearts. Choosing adoption was easy for her – she knew she couldn’t have an abortion, and she knew she wasn’t ready to be the mother she wanted to be. Going through with it was the hard part! But she is glad she did, and we have a really great relationship. There are certainly feelings of loss, but she’s expressed her joy in being part of building our family, and seeing her son thriving. She’s doing well too, and I think our open relationship helps all of us work through the different emotions we all feel. I’d love to talk about your specific reasons for considering adoption, and offer any insight that I can, and possibly put you in touch with my friend. You can e-mail me at email@example.com. It is a tough decision, but I’m sure you’ll make the right one.June 5, 2008 at 8:00 am #21362mjlovett
I had my son when i was 18 years old. It was really hard and I missed out on alot of stuff that I wish I hadn’t missed out on. I can understand why you feel overwhelmed right now.
As far as adoption, I know someone who adopted a little girl at birth. The birth Mom had been in an abusive relationship and did not want to have any future contact with the abusive ex for any reason. She opted for a "closed" adoption where she does not have contact with the adoptive family – she could have but she chose not to. My friend is looking to adopt again so please let me know if you do decide to place your son because I am sure my friend might be interested in meeting you.
Good luck and God bless!
MJJune 13, 2008 at 4:39 pm #21407alexanders_mama
Hey, im not pregnant but i have a 5month old son and im thinking of giving him up for adoption because i want him to have alot more than i can give and i want more of my life before i settle down for a family if i ever do. wud any1 b willin 2 share the expiriences with me. thanks jenny
Sorry, I’m going to go against the general tide here.
Firstly, it would probably not hurt to go see a number of counsellors about this, and see which one seems the most helpful. You see, although you seem to be talking about you wanting him to have a lot more than you can give, I’m not really sure about what that means. Do you mean you don’t have enough love to give him? Becuase by gosh if you are talking about financial security, or something along those lines, you seriously need a good donking on the head to readjust your world views. I know there’s a lot of people running around saying all these things that you need to do before you have a baby, but honestly, they just have no clue, that’s all, and it’s pointless listening to them because then you just get depressed. All you baby needs is love.
However, if you cannot give your baby love, then of course we have a serious problem there, and adoption would be your best course of action for the sake of the baby.
Nevertheless, if this is a cry for help, and you don’t want to let go of your baby, but are instead having people bully you from all sides and trying to indoctrinate you that you must do certain things in life before you may even consider that you are qualified to start a family….then stand up to them and don’t let them push you into it.
So, obviously, in the end, the whole adoption things comes down to YOUR decision. And the reasoning behind it.
Whatever you choose, counselling would be ideal. Adoption or facing pressure from the outside community to adopt out are both incredibly tough issues to face. *hugs*June 14, 2008 at 10:49 am #21417Meg11
I agree with Alexanders mama, If you have love for your child then you will find the resources needed to provide for your child, but it does take more than love to raise a baby, looking back at my first child I thought I needed and was told that I needed certain things that I forced myself to buy, I could have totally gone without half of it, a child needs about a weeks worth of clothes changes per size and there are many second hand stores that will exchange sizes with you, you need a place for baby to sleep whether a pack n play or a crib, you need some blankets enough for about 3-4 changes of bedding, you need diapers and wipes and baby soap, and a car seat.. if need be you can make it with just those things, toys are easy to come across but they are not needs, give a baby some plastic measuring cups and a wooden spoon with some Tupperware and they are occupied for hours, if you breastfeed then that saves the expense of formula and if you are in a low income bracket then you can often get on WIC and get formula for free along with other needs like milk and cheese and juice and eggs and cereal and peanut butter….I think what Alexanders mama was trying to say is that giving your child up for the sole reason of material and financial lack is just depriving yourself of the joy your child will bring you, if you have the love and dedication to make things work then you can and will find a way to supply the "needs", if there is a will there is a way, don’t sell yourself short of being a good mom just because you cannot afford to buy your child name brand clothes and "stuff" that can be lived without, a child with love who has only needs will turn out much happier than a child with no love who has tons of "stuff"…hope this helps…MegJuly 25, 2008 at 9:01 pm #21742hope1day
Hi, my name is Christy and I have not given a baby up for adoption, but my husband and I are starting the process of adopting a child. The only thing I can tell you is that each mother we have met are doing it for that exact reason; giving their child what they can’t at this time, and they know they are giving their child a chance at a great, secure life with a couple that will love him/her. I don’t know if that helps or not, but I think you are looking out for your child and what is best. You, and all the other wonderful women that are willing to do this act of extreme love for their child, are wonderful people. If you ever want to talk, you can leave me a message in my profile.
Many, Many Blessings,
ChristyJanuary 4, 2009 at 11:58 am #23656sexy_mama
no cuz i dont have a baby but me and my husband will love to have one cuz we love kids:kiss:
- The forum ‘Need Advice’ is closed to new topics and replies.