This topic contains 6 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by kristen hunt .
- September 6, 2009 at 2:15 am #25696
Basically everything is a mess right now and I have no idea what to do… I’ve been with this guy 4 years. we are married and have a 2 year old.The relationship has always been abusive so about a month ago we broke up and decided on divorce. Then I met this other guy, who is by far the best man i’ve ever met, and quickly him and I have fallen in love as silly as it sounds. The problem is 2 days ago i found out i am pregnant again. Based on the timeline the only option is that it’s my soon to be ex husband’s baby. I have no idea if i should keep it. I spoke with someone about abortion, but im scared. i’m scared if i put it up for adoption i wont be able to let go after giving birth and keeping it is scary due to my current home situation. So that’s confusing and i dont know what to do. Then I also don’t know if I should tell my boyfriend. should i wait till i make a decision, be honest and tell him now? ask for his advice? or just not tell him…im lost and confused and really down overr the whole mess of things. he has a kid too so i’m hoping he’ll see where i’m coming from and understand but I just dont know and need help!!September 6, 2009 at 9:02 am #25697
Hey there sweetie, My name is Meg…I can see why you are having a hard time deciding what to do but my gut tells me that you already know the right thing to do…it may be touch at first and you may have a lot on your plate but you already know what it is like to have a baby, you know what is inside of you, you know the love, life and joy that radiates from feeling those little flutters and kicks and hiccups, this little person inside of you will love you no matter what your current situation is, who his/her father is and whether you are the “perfect all together mom” or not (if that title actually exists I would like to meet the woman..LOL) I am also sure that if your bf has a child he already knows the same love for a precious baby too….I hate to pry but depending on the type of abuse you endured from your husband and depending on your current living situation you may be eligible for some kind of a grant or reduced housing, state medical (depending on where you live) food stamps etc…there are so many resources out there you just need to look, if you live in the US than you can call this number 1-800-395-HELP, it is a place called Optionline, they can give you the number and location to the closest pregnancy resource center to you where you can have your pregnancy confirmed, maybe get a free ultrasound to look at your little bean, and they should have all the local information you could need or want for resources, they usually have a program to earn baby bucks and you can use them to buy baby needs and maternity clothes…I actually donate a lot to my local center!! Just know that you are not alone, take some time, some major deep breaths, wrap your arms around your self and squeeze, that is a hug from me!! I am here if you ever want to talk or have questions and there are so many others here including myself who have been in the shoes you are in right now, maybe a little different story but all the same fears and worries….look at your 2 year old and then down at your tummy, then back in his/her eyes and ask yourself if you can really go through with abortion? I know you can make the right decision and letting your child live is that right decision…just take things day by day and don’t hesitate to seek help from those who have been in your shoes…Love MegSeptember 6, 2009 at 4:48 pm #25698
I’m sorry about the difficult situation you’re in but I’m so glad to hear you’re strong enough to pull out of an abusive relationship and that you’ve met a wonderful guy.
From what you said about being scared to put the baby up for adoption in case you can’t let it go, I would definitely tell you not to go for the abortion. If giving life to your child but giving it away would be too difficult for you, I believe only devastating feelings would come from you destroying the life of the child. There is no shame in adoption, it is a brave choice, as is keeping the baby.
I would highly recommend you discuss the situation with your current partner. At the least, an issue like this is a good time to really test your partner’s mettle.
Good luck!September 7, 2009 at 12:16 am #25700
update:Last night I told the bf, and told him I hadn’t decided what I was gonna do yet…That I was scared and just needed his support…he broke up with me, and refuses to talk to me. 🙁September 7, 2009 at 11:24 am #25703
Well sweetie, at least you didn’t find out how big of a jerk he is further down the road when the break up would have hurt that much more…hang in there and please know that you are not alone, this baby needs you, this is your little ones sibling and this could be the event in your life that makes all the difference, what you do will affect you for the rest of your life, make sure it is a good effect, a positive thing that you can look back on and wonder why it seemed so terrifying, you will pull through and one day when the storm has settled, and it will, you will have your kids (and probably a great guy) by your side and you will know that you are a true Stand Up Girl and that you did the right thing….please don’t look at the mountain in front of you but listen to that still small voice within you saying, you can do this!! Love MegSeptember 7, 2009 at 11:06 pm #25705
Hey, Im sorry to hear that youve had such a hard time. We all get there sometimes. The best thing, in my opinion, to do is to tell your boyfriend and leave your soon to be ex out of the picture. If your new man is indeed a real man then he will remain with you and raise this child as his own. I had an abortion 9 years ago when i was 16 and there is not a moment that goes by that I dont regret it, mourn my baby, and look at my 9 month old son and wish he would have that big sister. People will tell you that “its just a clump of cells” but its a human being. A human being that is at the stage of life in your womb, the exact stage where its supposed to be. People will call your baby a fetus so there is no emotional attachment to your “baby.” I volunteer at a pregnancy center 7 days a week. I am not a religious person but I am Pro-life. Your baby that is growing inside of you does not have a voice. Your baby is depending on you to speak for her. If you would like to contact me, do so here. Read up on abortions. Its disgusting what some mothers allow a doctor to do to their baby. Let alone kill it.September 13, 2009 at 11:16 pm #25726
Only a coward reacts that way, and at least you found out how he really was before things got deeper. Do you have an idea yet on what you plan on doing?
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