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June 22, 2007 at 3:23 pm #17921alexanders_mama
I haven’t being on this site for that long, but because I don’t know many young mothers, I’ve being on here heaps. It’s like, wow, these people (the ones that aren’t faking it, it angers me so much that some people do that) are actually like me in some ways.
But I keep on reading about girls having babies and then getting married to someone else, and how they’ve found the love of their lives and everything, and it’s like, will that ever happen to me? All I get is guys turning away from me because I have a baby/ or is the other way, me turning away from guys because I don’t think they’ll accept me for who I am and all the responsiblity that comes with being with me?
It’s like, how did you guys end up NOT single…because that’s all I seem to ever be. And if I actually have a chance with someone I turn it down because I doubt they’ll ever accept me for me.
How did you girls ever get accepted by your men?June 22, 2007 at 9:38 pm #17924ericklirios
Honestly, this is one of the reasons why you sensed that I was feeling a bit sorry for some teenage moms as you pointed out in one of your posts.
All you can really do now is wait and wait. Raise your son and concentrate on becoming the best person and mother you can be and do everything in your power to make sure that your son becomes a true man who will respect women and love them for who they really are.
Yes, he does need a father but that’s no reason to force the issue or feel bad that guys are turning away from you. You deserve a good man and if these guys now are turning away from you, they’re actually doing you a favor. It would’ve been really evil for them to pretend to want to be with you and use you and your body for their sexual needs but have no real intention of staying with you. See? It’s actually a good thing.
Some guys actually look at a girl who has a son and think, "Hey, I can get free sex from her! She’s done it already and she wants someone and I can easily take her." Those guys who turned their backs so far at least didn’t do that. If they can’t accept who you are as a girlfriend and have gone their way, it’s just being honest.
Wait it out, honey. God is really preparing the right guy for you. Pray a lot that you find him and that you be both prepared for each other.
My wife and I got married only after our son was already five years old and she was on the way with another of our sons. It took that long for me to bite the bullet and we’re still working at our marriage.
You have such a long way to go. Pray hard. Love your son and REALLy love yourself.
The Lord is holding you in the palm of His hand. He will not let you fall. Only you can do that if you rush into things again.
Take care, honey.
ErickJune 23, 2007 at 12:00 am #17930mommy6
well i already was with someone when i got preg but you will find someone i have a few freinds who were or are in your same sitution.and the ones who found a good man were looking in all the wrong places such as bars clubs malls those guys arent looking for nice woman there looking for hoes most of the time.you got to try an app. guys look at this way its better to know they would have turned you down or not or to never know at all. good luck trust me theres someone out there for everyone and youll find mr wonderful one day maybe sooner than later.June 23, 2007 at 2:53 am #17931Meg11
Hey there…I just wanted to make a few comments in regards to your question and in agreement with the answers so far…I was one of those girls that Eric is talking about…just figured I would have sex with them because they knew I had a kid already…sadly it worked a few times…my logic telling me that they know I have a kid they must really love me and want to be with me if they are willing to accept the responsibility of dating a girl with a kid…don’t believe that lie…it just leaves you feeling more alone and unloved int he end…I also agree with mommy6 to not look at the bars and the mall and other such places for the right "guy"….I went that route also…BIG MISTAKE…..you reap what you sow…if you fall for a guy that roams that mall with his immature friends…thats what he is going to do when you want to take your child to the park…if you get a sitter and make it to the bar one night and meet that "right guy" well next time you don’t have a sitter he will just go without you and meet someone else to go home with….I count myself extremely blessed and fortunate to have found my husband….I was at church one night and I was feeling guilty of the life I was living (sex, drugs, bar hopping, and oh yeah..church) that night a man got up and lead worship and as he sang and then closed in prayer I felt like a ton of bricks fell on my head and I heard that still small voice say "DUMMY!!! that is the kind of man you want in your life, not those boys a the bar…" I realized I needed to stop looking for a guy that might go to church with me sometime and look for a man that would go without me…I prayed that night that the Lord would transform me into the kind of woman who would attract a guy like that into my life…about two weeks later I found out I was preg with my second…no guy would ever want me know I thought..I chose to remain abstinent until marriage…one day at church I realized that the guy who lead worship that night was really nice…and kinda cute…I stayed far away because I was in no position to be looking for a boyfriend and I felt so unworthy to be with him…I soon found out that he was married….I am the most terrible person..I thought…I am pregnant and falling for a married man…well come to find out he was married for 3 months when his wife got pregnant and left saying "I never loved you and I don’t want to be married anymore" he had saved himself for marriage and she was the only woman he had ever been with..now I felt even more unworthy to ever consider being with him…I started praying for God to fix his family because he was such a nice guy and he didn’t deserve to be so heartbroken…I stayed away from him and never let on how I felt…I prayed for him for 2 1/2 years without him ever knowing how I felt…as I grew in the Lord and read my bible I felt like God was telling me that He was going to bring us together but to just wait and be patient….this whole time his wife was sleeping with different guys and he still remained married to her and willing to work things out and take her back…it just made me love him more for the way he chose to love her…finally one day we ended up talking about more than just church (I helped out in the children’s church and ended up being his partner) by the time we got off the phone we had our whole life planned out…we had both been attracted to each other by the way we both had been living…he saw me being a single mom of two and saw me growing in the Lord and was blessed for the way I had changed…I saw the way he made the choice to follow God’s directions even though it wasn’t easy…we had to wait a whole 10 months to be in a real relationship..sure we slipped sometimes and gave into the temptation of hanging out when we were not supposed to and we even got busted at Walmart together but we did our best to honor God…his wife finally divorced him and he was free…we began a relationship and she moved across the country with his son and got remarried to the guy who paid for the divorce…well it didn’t take long before she was pregnant and left the new guy also….my husband realized that he was not the one with the issues and he asked me to marry him and start over in life…we got married on 11-11-06 at 11:11 am….LOL…we have both had so much healing in our lives…I had two kids form two guys and I married the most Godly wonderful man I have ever met…not to mention that I am only the second person he has been with…we saved ourselves for our wedding night and that is something I never thought I would be able to say…I am sorry for making this so long but I just want you to know that there is someone out there..and like Eric said PRAY…I did for two and a half years…and it ended up being that man who was singing while I was praying for God to transform me into the kind of woman who would attract a good guy…miracles happen everyday…ask God to perform one in your life and expect for it to happen….I hope this brings encouragement to you and I hope to hear from you…Love MegJune 26, 2007 at 12:27 pm #17949MnL4JC
I love your story it reminds me of me and my husband!!!! God is so amazing !!!!! even with 2 blessings of your own before your husband even became your friend YOU stood strong for God because you love God and want to honor His word! May you and your husband have many blessings !!!
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