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November 2, 2009 at 2:59 am #26036Anonymous
Wow. I never thought I’d say this, but this guy I went out with once in the summer is a guy I’d like to continue a relationship with. I’m just barely sixteen and he’s twenty four, which is my problem. But really, we don’t have that age gap between us when we’re together. He’s amazingly respectful of my beliefs and such a great listener. He’s always concerned about my son and is such a gentle person. This may sound so corny, but he’s like the male half of me. It’s really strange. We think alike in so many ways, but we’re different at the same time. After the mistakes I’ve made, he still accepts me and finds me amazing to him, apparently. I mean we’ve only gone out twice but the last time was just driving and listening to music in the car. We had the most amazing conversation and it ranged from something most people don’t ever talk about to some random, funny things. He’s made me laugh like I haven’t in such a long time. He just makes me feel like I’m a great person and I can go far in my life. As for my son, he hasn’t met him yet, but I’d really like him to. He’s so great with kids and as I mentioned earlier, seems like he’d do amazing with Caden. I just don’t know what to do. I’d really like to date him, and I’m just so comfortable around him, unlike anyone else. He knows the real me in such little time. But there’s a pretty big age gap, and I’d like to be able to have a real relationship with him…November 2, 2009 at 7:08 am #26041Meg11
This is a tricky situation, as you have shared your beliefs with me I would say it is safe to assume that if he does share your beliefs then he will stick around and wait until things can be legal for you two to be together…does he go to your church? Do your parents know him, know about him? The thing is that right now you are “jail bait” for him, if you find yourself in a spot to fall in love with him then you could risk him going to jail, however keeping things pure in your relationship meaning no sex in any shape or form, no touching etc…then I can’t see charges being held against him….I think that he needs to prove to you that he shares your beliefs and I think time will allow his colors to stand true or be revealed….also another thing is that secret relationships have NO accountability, I would let your parents in on this if they do not know already, let them be your parents and let them cover you and protect you….I do not know him so I am not judging or pointing a finger, I would share this with anyone in your situation, young or old, it is no new news that sometimes predators go for young single moms to get close to their kids, be careful, be watchful and do not let him spend time alone with your son…I think a person needs to stand the true test of time first…most of the time an age difference of this many years is a huge concern, the thing is when there is no sex involved and the younger of the couple is a parent then there is usually an equal maturity level…I just think it is important to keep your parents in the know, keep things clean and anything but sexual in the relationship, try to be friends and stay in a friendship based relationship until you are old enough to not be jail bait, also avoid doing things alone like driving around in the dark or watching movies under a blanket in a dark room…keep yourself accountable and make him prove that he will respect your body and tell you no even if you pursue him….other than that let it stand the test of time….I am here if you have more questions….Love MegNovember 3, 2009 at 2:28 am #26044Anonymous
Thanks, Meg. 🙂 That’s great advice! No, he doesn’t go to my church. But the thing was that we talked about religion so easily together. That’s the most important thing that struck me about us. We talked about some of the deepest parts of the human mind. With him, it’s like we don’t need to even touch at all. We can just talk so easily and laugh, just be comfortable around each other. I found it incredibly easy to not even think about sex around him. Plus it makes it that much easier to go for my goal of waiting until marriage after everything that I’ve put myself through. He knows that, too. I really do want my parents to know and be aware of what’s going on. I just don’t think they would take it well, as they don’t want me dating at all at the moment. They’re very cautious because I’ve had a baby, and well, they probably have good reason to be because I would feel the same way. And trust me, I’d NEVER leave my son alone with anyone I didn’t know EXTREMELY well.November 3, 2009 at 2:42 am #26049Meg11
Thanks for writing back, one thing that I really want to press with you is the importance of not having a secret relationship, you will want your parents approval of your future husband, you still need their support and love and trust, do not betray them, even if it means putting your friendship on hold for a while, I think that deep down you know that it is the right thing to do and you may be surprised with their reaction, if you come to them as a responsible adult, even though you are 16, they may treat you more like a responsible adult…if he grows to love you he will wait, if his intentions with you are right then he will wait, if you love him you will wait…you should strive to do all things in decency and in order, keep practicing your ability to be self controlled and start by talking to your parents, let them know you understand what your past choices have caused in your relationship with them, that you want their trust and respect and that is why you are letting them know how you feel about this man, then prove it by being patient and waiting until timing is right….maybe just keep it to talking on the phone and emails and once in a while have a public meeting for lunch with friends or something….that is just my opinion, I have had secret relationships and I can tell you that they are dangerous for your purity, reputation, trust and respect for yourself, each other and others…..Love MegNovember 3, 2009 at 2:50 am #26051Anonymous
I’m really going to listen to you, Meg. I’ve made enough bad decisions so far and I know that you are in it for the best intentions and just want to help us succeed on here. Thank you so much for your advice. You have made me feel more secure and rational. I know that time will tell all. Thanks again!November 3, 2009 at 3:09 am #26052Meg11
You are so welcome…it can be hard sometimes to wait things out, we are naturally impatient…LOL…I am here for you and support you in your walk and your life…I think you will do well and go far and I am proud of you…Love MegNovember 3, 2009 at 7:16 am #26057Anonymous
Oh yeah, I don’t think I told you my career goal! I have always wanted to be a doctor, and I was going to become a nurse. I’m very interested in chemistry and medicine, so nursing was great for me. Problem: I cannot take orders from anyone! So, I am enrolled in many courses to prepare me for pre-med and medical school to become a Biochemical Geneticist. 🙂 It’s been my dream that I never thought I’d ever go for with a child, but Caden has really inspired me to go further with it. I just thought that I’d share that with everyone because you can do it, and I know that Meg, you usually hear my problems and not the successes! 😀
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