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July 12, 2008 at 7:46 am #21663Anonymous
Okay, so… don’t get me wrong about this. FYI, I live in Texas. 🙂
The father is very involved, i.e he wants to go to doctor’s appointments with me, ultrasounds, etc. We are also trying to make our relationship work out by getting back together, which is what I’ve wanted since we broke up.
I told him that their is a possibility that his name will not be on the birth certificate, and it really upset/hurt him. But at the same time, my priority does have to be to protecting my baby. I don’t want any court orders, custody battles, etc. to deal with. I do want him included in all decsions, but I don’t want my baby to be taken away from me if we ever decide to split up.
I’m at a huge fork in the road when it comes to him. I want him to be included in everything- I’d rather even live with him- but I still want to protect myself and the baby over anything. So I was wondering the pros and cons of putting the father’s name on the birth certificate and girl’s who have been there who may have or have not had trouble with it.
Thanks a bunch guys. :blush:July 12, 2008 at 8:26 am #21664Meg11
Well it sure sounds like you are looking at this responsibly and realistically….the two of you have ended up in a situation where you have created a life together, no matter what happens the two of you will always be connected by this baby….my best advice would be to take things very slowly, examine why you broke up and why you are choosing to get back together, talk about it openly and honestly and maybe even have a neutral party mediate for you to make sure that you are both being rational and not basing decisions on emotions or "feelings", make sure that you are making decisions based on good judgment and sound thinking….as for the moving in together thing I would really hold off, look into some premarital counseling to see if that is something you are both up for and if so then get married before you move in together, if the counseling sessions reveal some major inconsistencies and incompatibilities in your relationship and you both choose to call it quits then it will be an easier break if you don’t live together, as for the birth certificate you can always add his name later, also if he ever did choose to go to battle against you he could always demand a paternity test and they would automatically put his name on it after the results show him the father so even if you leave him off he could fight to be put on…anyways, take it slow, be friends and face parenting together whether as a couple or not, I am no longer with my sons dad but we do birthday parties together and stuff so if there is a will there is a way to be good parents together without being a couple….I hope this gave you some well rounded, non-biast advice, you will make the right choices and I know that because you are seeking out the options wisely….let us know what comes of your situation…Love MegJuly 12, 2008 at 8:32 am #21665Anonymous
From my personal experience, I’d say don’t – just to be safe. And if like Meg says, he decides to fight to get his name put on the birth certificate then at least you know you tried, right?July 15, 2008 at 1:53 am #21675insubordinateximpx09
I had to get my boyfriend’s name put on the birth certificate because I recieve public assistance. I’m not sure if that’s just a rule in Wisconsin, or if it is all over the U.S. If you want to receive child support I think you have to put the father’s name on the birth cerificate. Hope that helped.July 19, 2008 at 3:11 am #21700Anonymous
What rights does the father have if he is on the birth certificate? Could there be a custody issue to face because of it?
He’s going to help as much as a fourteen year old boy can, but I don’t think that his parents can pay child support, due to the fact that his dad pays child support for him and his mom has a new baby that she’s going to deliver any day now. BUT we are not asking for any child support.
I don’t want to hurt him at all, but if there are specific rights that can cause him to be able to take the baby for a period of time, then I don’t want to take the risk. :-/ I know that he’ll be helping, but he can’t do as much as he’d like to begin with.July 19, 2008 at 5:54 am #21701mjlovett
You definitely do not need to have any name listed to receive child support or welfare. Many mothers choose not to name the father – some do not even know who the father of the baby is until a paternity test is done, some women are raped but choose to have the baby, etc. My son’s father refused to come to the hospital, refused to sign the birth certificate – this was a non issue when it came to child support.
You could seek free legal advice from your local university’s law school – they usually offer free legal aid.July 20, 2008 at 5:56 am #21708Anonymous
Hmm… yes, I think we should try that. Money is not an issue, fortunately. My parents are financially stable and able to take care of me and the baby for a few years until I finish school.
My only issue /still/ is that I want his name to be on the birth certificate. But I do have to do what is best. He’s planning to be at the hospital with me during delivery, as well.July 21, 2008 at 7:10 pm #21718Anonymous
There very well could be a custody battle if his name is on the B/C. But, there could be if is name isn’t on it too…July 22, 2008 at 8:15 pm #21722jessey223
I have a 5 year old and her father and I are no longer together. His name is on her birth certificate and although I have gone thru my fair share of problems I don’t know that I would have done it any differently if I was given the chance. However one thing I think I would have done differently was have my daughters last name the same as mine. Like it or not that is your child’s father and regardless of the relationship you have with him now or 15 years from now he is still the dad. I think it is a mothers job to make sure they make constant attempts for the child to know their father so the child or the father can never blame the lack of a relationship on the mother. This is something you need to decide. I don’t know if his name not being on the birth certificate affects child support or not so that maybe something you want to look into. And given he is the dad if his name is not on the birth certificate I would have a hard time believing that he could not take you to court, prove he is the dad and then have rights to the child.
Best of luck to you
JessicaJuly 24, 2008 at 8:18 am #21733ashbabe
even if his names not on the birth certificate he can still go for a custody battle over your child. but usually the court tries to keep the child with it’s mother unless your boyfriend prooves that you’re being an unfit parent (which i can see wont really happen because you seem like you’ll be able to take care of this child) plus it doesnt seem like he’s in a stabble position to have help and take care of the child. i hope it all works out 🙂July 25, 2008 at 10:14 pm #21743Anonymous
We are together, now. It took a month and a half but we finally worked through things and decided that either way, we were always together. As of the way things are right now, we hope to go through high school and eventually move in and live together- and I do realize that’s a possibility of not happening, but that’s what we both want, right now.
I talked to him about the possibility, and he was hurt for many reasons. I realize that their is NO reason whatsoever why he shouldn’t be on the birth certificate. He’s very capable of being a good father, a good husband, and a good provider. He just needs the chance to prove himself. I don’t think it would be fair for me to take away his rights as a father, especially since he’s been so supportive of me and the baby. He’s been with me up until now, wanting to go to doctor’s visits, trying to save money, etc. And he’s going to through labor and delivery with me. 🙂
Despite our age, we know that we are in love. I’ve had doubts before, but I know now that what we’ve gone through and are going through has proven us to be very strong together, and all we do is grow and become closer. He’s the most beautiful person in the world to me, and has shown me light in so many different ways. I heard once when I was younger that you were in love when you could sit on a couch, holding hands, watching TV for hours, and it’d be the happiest place in the world to you. And that’s the case for us. But I know that we have a lot of maturing and growing to do, but I want and need him by my side for the coming months and years to come, even if we turned out to be "just friends."August 6, 2008 at 7:11 am #21817tragicxtryst
Autumn, considering your last post, it seems you’ve got your mind made up. I remember at fourteen, how much in love I was with my first boyfriend. It’s been quite a few years and I can tell you that because it was real, we’ve been able to make a friendship work and we still love each other (as friends) very, very much.
You’ve got a lot ahead of you, but I think you’ll pull through. Both in this pregnancy, and your relationship with this boy. Best of luck, dear.
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