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February 22, 2006 at 9:29 am #10455baby_j_4life_1986
:ermm: My name is Jessica and Im 15 years old. I had an abortion aug. 19th 2005. At the time I was with an older male (19) and we had unprotected sex and I got pregnant July 8th. A few weeks before my 15 birthday. My mother found out because my friend told her out of revenge because she thought I did something which I didnt even do but thats another story. But when my mother found out she just had it in her head there is no way I would have my baby. She did eveything in her power to convince me to have an abortion.I kept telling her I just cant. See she had already had 2 abortions in her younger years and felt as if I could too. Then at one point she said I could keept the baby I was excited and happy even though I knew it was a very hard task to have a child at such a young age but I figured it would all be worth it just to feel so much love for the baby and the fact that my boyfriend who I was so completly "inlove" with at the time didnt want the baby cause he didnt think he could support the baby.But Ive never really believed in abortion or understood it. Well of course my mother strolled into my room late at night very intoxicated and said she would put my boyfriend in prison if I didnt terminate the pregnancy.I was heart broken I cried for hours and finally gave in. My boyfriend and I didnt work out cause he started getting very possessive and abusive. So I had to end it for my safety. I cried through out the whole procedure of the abortion and almost everyday after and I still do and what hurts me the most is I killed my baby for a man. I feel like noone cares about how I feel though just because Im young they say I made the right decision. But if it was a right choice why do I feel so depressed and hurt all the time. Over the past few months Ive devoloped a panic disorder. Its ruined my life badly. Im afraid of public places so I dont go out very often. Lately Ive just been crying ever single day and Im afraid to go to my mom because I know shes just going to lecture me on how it was such a great choice and blah blah blah ….I just feel like I have noone I hate itFebruary 24, 2006 at 3:45 pm #10470Jonluver
i’m so sorry you had to go through this. And yes someone cares. I care. We all care here!
That was so wrong for your mother to push you into that.
If you ever need to talk i’m here. Just reply to this post (it goes to my email).February 25, 2006 at 10:15 am #10473baby_j_4life_1986
Thank you so much. I just made my first appointment at the pregnancy crisis center. My mom is a little uneasy about me going cause she thinks that there gonna make me feel worse and that Im a sinner. So shes gonna talk to them 1st and all that so wish me luck. But yeah I would love to talk to ya.February 25, 2006 at 3:42 pm #10475Brinkley
[b] I cannot say that I understand what you are going thorugh but I am sure that it is pretty painful for you. I am new to this site and have read many stories. It is terrible that you had to suffer something like this without any positiive support to help you. And I am sure that you are still in a lot of pain both physically and emotionally. I am in a situtaion of my own where I was faced with making a decision as Becky would put it to " Stand up." And here now in this point in my life that has ben i think one of the hardes things i have had to do, and let me tell you it is a daily act for me. Because there come days where I think that if I change my mind it will just make everyone else around me happy. But with spiritual guidance I learned that we were not created to please everyone around us. We were created to please one person, God. Becasue He ultimately is who we have to answer to in the end. But the best thing about God I also learned is that whatever choices we do make against His will, He still wil love and forgive us. All we have to do s ask for it and believ that He will forgive us. It may feel like no one cares , but He does. And like the situaion I am in now I felt that there was no other way, but God can make a way out of no way. He is waiting to heal you from this great hurt you still carry, just ask Him.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.February 27, 2006 at 4:31 pm #10487Anonymous
I’m so glad that you have the courage to seek help. Yes, I care about you. God loves you. Nothing we’ve done…no matter how terrible and painful is unforgiveable. My name is Erin and I’m 22. If you’d like to talk… feel free to contact me as well. Please know that your in my prayers and that God heals all wounds.
Love in Christ,
ErinMarch 9, 2006 at 4:16 am #10536Anonymous
Jessica – I’m Lisa from the Stand Up Girl website and I just really wanted to send you and e-mail that would hopefully touch your heart from mine. I understand your hurt and your sorrow and pain.
I’m very sad about your mom and the choices that she has made. It sounds like she is also hurting from the choices that she made for herself long ago … yet she doesn’t even realize it yet. Jessica, I think it is important for you to share with your mom the hurt that you feel. Maybe, so you don’t have to deal with her immediate response, you can write her a letter and just share your heart. (?) That is entirely up to you. The only reason why I suggest this is because you need to get this out. I don’t want to see you with a gruge against your mom. It is so easy to do when we grieve the loss of our babies. Our grief often times needs that ‘person’ or ‘thing’ to place the blame.
When someone passes away – we have the ability to grieve at their funeral. We have closure at the gravesite. Though that person is not with us anymore, we – as human beings – need closure. So to talk to that person at the gravesite. To say good bye or sorry or whatever is needed to just get it out of that deep placed locked away in our hearts. You and I have no place to say our goodbyes. And even more difficultly – people say "It was the best thing for you." No one would say that to someone who is about to bury their 5 year old child would they? So often times Jessica, I don’t think people realize or understand our grief.
I care and I understand. You are not alone. There are so many girls on this website that would love to wrap their arms of love around you and encourage you through this time of sorrow.
Then remember – to look up. God is a merciful and loving God and He gave His only Son Jesus that if you would believe in Him you would not perish and you’d have eternal life and complete forgiveness of everything.
Jessica – please know … there are many that care. Keep coming back.
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