This topic contains 7 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by tracy joynes .
- January 23, 2008 at 6:53 pm #20289
I don’t know if i am depressed or just being a drama queen and i don’t want to go to the doctors because i’m scared they will say its post natal when i really know that it’s not! I love my daughter and nothing about her or being a mam makes me feel the way i am, infact she is the only reason i’m still around!
I just can’t cope with life at the moment, i hate waking up in the morning and realising that i am still where i fell asleep. Those who know me will understand more.
I live with him in his mothers home and i hate it! I dont feel we can be a family or that i can be a real mam. It’s all stupid things that are happening but they are building up and i feel that i am going to completely snap and lose the plot soon.
*If i start doing some washing and i leave the room to go check on Talia and then go back she is doing my job.
*If i plan on making a meal for my partner she instantly goes into the kitchen and cooks it for him but not for me.
*If my daughter is crying because she is tired she tells me its because of something else.
*If i tidy up she then goes and re-does it and says she wants it to be done ‘properly’.
And when asking me if i have bathed my daughter she calls me by my partners Ex’s name, i very much doubt that its that easy to confuse the mother of your grandchild but saying it with a smile is one step to far. She constantly puts me down and watches me when i feed or change my daughter and comments on things she doesnt agree with.
I cry myself to sleep and when my partner goes to work because he has left me alone with her.
I am so unhappy and dont feel that i can cope anymore, she even washed my daughters clothes in a different detergent to prove she isint allergic despite me continuosly telling her she is and she did come out in a real bad rash because of her but she sed it was my fault i should wash stuff myself even though when i try to she takes over.
I feel like i just rant on and on but i cant help it, i dont feel i can take much more and i have no one to talk toJanuary 23, 2008 at 10:16 pm #20293
i completely understand. my mom was like that when i frist had my son because im 16 and she acted like i couldnt do anything and so i finally told her that she wasnt there when i was making the baby and she didnt need to be there to raise him. she can be a grandparent and do what grandparents do but i told her that i know whats best for me and MY son and i was gonna raise him how i saw fit and everythings been fine since then. now my babys daddy dont have nothing to do with my son so i cant completely see where your coming from but if i was you i would move out or something because i would have been snapped on that bit. i aint about to take no SH** off someone who would call me by my boyfriends ex’s names.January 24, 2008 at 3:45 am #20295
I think you should have your own place to live, two women who get along wonderfully can still end up on each other’s last nerve when living together so the fact that there is bad blood between you only intensifies the situation, I can also relate to the mom though, I have had people stay with me before for extended amounts of time and some of who had kids, the difference is I warned them before they came to live with me that I am very picky on a few things and to not feel attacked if I tended to remind them of how something was needed to be done, or things their kids could not touch, etc…it is hard sharing your home with someone else especially because she is a mom and she is older she thinks that she knows best, I still think that she is in the wrong in many ways though…if she re-does things that you have done try to nicely ask her to show you how she would like it done, "If I am not meeting your standards please show me how you would like me to do it, I am in your home and I want to follow your rules but I also want to contribute and put in my fair share, I appreciate a place to stay and your help that you offer but when it comes to your home and your things let me learn to do it how you want me to and when it comes to my daughter let me do it my way, I am not asking you to raise her it is my right and responsibility as her mom and if I don’t put diapers on the way you think I should it really doesn’t matter because it is a diaper and it will get soiled and thrown in the garbage within a couple of hours and there are more important things to agree on than diapers and whether I put her shirt or pants on first, etc…" that would be a good outline to use when preparing to talk with her, don’t forget to thank her for opening her home and show willingness to share in the chores but let her know you want to be taught not cleaned up after, my only successful roommate experience was with a girl who was willing to learn how I wanted things done, she acknowledged that they were my dishes that she was cooking with and eating from and that I wanted them cared for in a certain manner and that I needed to keep my carpet vaccumed so my son could crawl around, etc… she may be the kind of person who like to be in control and in charge and they are the hardest to deal with but the best way to get them out of your hair is to learn how they do it and prove to them that you will uphold their standard in their home with their things…and in the meantime save up to move out, every time you want that 5 dollar thing that is not quite needed then put that 5 bucks in a jar, save your change and use less soap in each load of laundry to stretch it longer, so what you have to to save that extra buck…the sooner you are on your own the sooner you can be the woman of your own home and it does make a huge difference in your mood and confidence…hope this helps…MegJanuary 25, 2008 at 12:09 am #20305
I dont think you understand … this woman never ever leaves her bedroom, this morning my partner removed 6 plates 4 mugs and cutlery from her room dating back to 3 weeks ago and mould was actually growing on the plates – serious! no exaggertion.
That is why it annoys me, the only reason she actually gets out of her rotton bed is to re-do something i have done despite never ever doing it originally of her own accord any other time.
I obey her rules which are –
there really are none because she has no standards of personal hygiene, she walks out of the house to the shops in a nightie without her hair even brushed and food stains all over her, its embarrasing which is why the new arguement that there is is that i no longer want her to care for my daughter full time as i go back to work and i am placing her in a creche instead.
the problem is she is jealous that i have a relationship and a family and i look after them both and the home and cook. She cant stand that someone is looking after her precious little boy but at the end of the day he is 25 and no angel. Ive been to the docs and had something prescribed because i do have depression.January 25, 2008 at 7:30 am #20308
WHY did the doctors give you medication and get you high on drugs when THIS IS NOT DEPRESSION CAUSED JUST BY CHEMICAL REACTIONS IN YOUR BRAIN!? Sorry, it makes me mad, that is the most stupid thing to do. Instead of giving you REAL help, they give you some drugs: here take some pills, this will make the problem go away…NOT. I really don’t understand why some doctors spend so much time in med school if they get out dumber than when they came in.
You need to get out of there, and you need to get out of there FAST. She sounds in a few ways like my mother, well better, you haven’t got bruises on you, so I guess that’s a plus, but this women is making me MAD.
Are there any shelters in your area? I know that sounds like a scary step to take, but what you are living through is called HELL and it is very real and painful, and I would never want to bear what you are bearing right now again. You don’t want your daughter to live in that abuse. Living like that makes an impression on your character: when you finally get your own place, you will cry, I’m telling you, you will sit at the table and eat dinner and won’t stop praising God how wonderful it is to feel safe and not try to hide in a little corner. The faster you get out of there, the less psychological damage she can do to you — and IMPORTANTLY, to your wee little girl. Babies can feel energy very well, and that is mega abusive energy in that household.
This is ABUSE, and when you go looking for a place to stay, that is what you need to SAY to get it through to people, because people tend to like to ignore abuse, because it’s not them and it’s easier to ignore. And your partner doesn’t sound like much of a man either, letting you and his daughter rot in that hell either.
Just get out of there — go to the welfare office, talk to a counsellor, figure out your options, and don’t stop knocking until the door gets opened. Just keep knocking, and the door will open.
God bless and hope everything goes well.*hugs*January 26, 2008 at 2:28 am #20316
Now that you describe her in that manner I can see what you are saying…I have just dealt with absolute neat freaks in my past but for her to hold you to a standard that she doesn’t keep and to only do it to mess with you is WAY out of line, I agree that you are being abused and it is not a healthy environment and that you should get out ASAP and until then avoid her at all lengths and try to get out of the house while your boyfriend is not home that way she can’t mess with you while he is gone…there are so many resources available like housing and food stamps and help with childcare and all the rest…do what you need to do to get on your feet in a healthy environment and take it step by step from there…Hang in there and I will keep you in my prayers…MegJanuary 27, 2008 at 1:58 pm #20325
I agree with Meg, there are some things you can do to avoid you partner’s mom. I am concerned for you and for his mom. It would seem she has some problems dealing with her own reality. It also seems she has the dreaded "Can’t Nobody Take Care of My Boy Like I Can!" disease. My mother had that same attitude during my first marriage. My former wife passed away from complications of Lupus. My mother had a problem with us being together. First, we actually got together outside marriage. In my state, it’s called "Shackin’ Up". Secondly, Jerrye was 5 years my elder. It would not have mattered if I met Jerrye, went together with her for 2 years, did not shack up and waited until marriage for sex, she still would have had a problem with Jerrye. I was mama’s only child and I was her boy. See what I’m saying? Before I move on, Jerrye and my mother fell in love with each other before she died of lupus. I jokingly told them that their relationship was just so syrupy that it was sickening. B)
Darlin’, find something to do outside the home when your partner goes to work. Take the baby out. Where is your mother and what is her status with your relationship with your partner? If it is not good, then we’ll go another route. Thirdly, start looking for another place to live and try to get benefits there in your state. I know Meg told you this, but sometimes repetition is a great motivator. The biggest thing is the place to live. Your stress level concerning your partner’s mother will diminish greatly. For future reference, (AND THIS IS SCARY!) IT IS ACTUALLY YOUR PARTNER’S PLACE TO DEAL WITH ISSUES WITH HIS MOTHER & FATHER. I am Kelvin and I can speak from the male point of view. Whether married or not, you have a relationship with this young man. Whether you live in the home with her or not, problems with her will always come down to him having to stand up for you. In dealing with your mother and father, IT IS YOUR JOB TO BREAK THE PROBLEMS THEY HAVE WITH HIM. I have had to stand up to my mother in different situations. It is difficult, but a necessary factor to becoming either a man or woman.
My prayers are with you, doll! It will work out. Just do the things we have placed before you and watch things begin to happen for you.B)January 27, 2008 at 3:14 pm #20327
As a young mother you need to be out of there. Your mother in law needs medical input, she maybe suffering bi-polar and going through the down stage of the illness. Anyway your concern is for yourself , baby and man. All the best and let us know how you get on.
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