deperately need help

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  • #12298
    AvatarAnonymous

    i just registered today because i so deperately need help and advice from people who know what im going through.im 18 and i found out a week ago that i am 6 weeks pregnant and ive always known that i could never get an abortion.

    ive been living in spain for 8 months and had been with my boyfriend for just over the 6 weeks when i found out.however im due to head home to new zealand in 2 weeks.so the situation is really complicated.when i told my boyfriend he said that if i didnt abort he never wanted to see me or our baby from that day onward.i feel ripped down the middle.how can he just walk away from something that is 50 % his responsibility.

    i feel so alone.i havent told my parents yet,i dont know how they will react.i know that babies are a miracle and knowing i have a life inside me is all thats getting me through this,but the timing and the father have just made this so hard.if anyone has advice,i dont know what to do financially or how to get through the pain of being betrayed.please help!

    #12301
    AvatarKaileyamanda

    that was extremely low of him. i’m so sorry that it has happened to you this way. it’s really too bad that all of us havent been able to pick better timing. pregnancy is supposed to be one of the most amazing times of our lives and we can still make it so, but it’s very hard when you have things pulling you down or taking away from your joy. it’s great that you don’t want an abortion though! still, you should really talk to your parents about it. the sooner the better! you’re 18 so i would hope that your parents would have more respect for your decision than would most of ours. its great to be able to talk to people about it on here but it’s really a relief to be able to talk to your family about it. if they get angry then let them and dont yell back…all that im sure you know. youre older than a lot of us but we all have to grow up even more, even quicker than we would have liked. keep in touch on the guestbook pages like you have been! best of luck to you and i hope things start going better!

    Kailey 17
    31 weeks 6 days

    #12308
    AvatarFrancesBeanMommy

    Hey girl. Sometimes all you can do is pray. I too have been abandoned/betrayed by my baby’s father, he was and still is the love of my life. But I still have 4 1/2 months until my baby boy is brought into this world, and I will keep praying that something will change, and that he will come around. If you know in your heart that you cannot get an abortion, don’t do it. I’ve personally never had one, but have heard so many stories of girls who wish they hadn’t. If you want to be a mommy to your baby, then you can do it. Of course it won’t be the easiest if the father is still behaving so badly toward you once the baby arrives, but you’ll love that baby so much you won’t know what you did without him/her. And if you don’t think you can be a mother yet, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with adoption. You can even pick the parents yourself, and keep it open if you would like to know what’s going on in your child’s life!
    As for your question about financial things, well there are people/places that can help. I’m not sure how things are at your home in New Zealand, but in the United States there are all sorts of programs that help young mothers, from WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) to the Healthy Start Program, as well as numerous state and locally funded programs. If you decide to keep your baby, do some research, find out what is available to you, and get what you can! These programs are designed to help you get on your feet so that you can get out on your own and provide for yourself and your child. And no matter what happens with the father of the baby, don’t you think for one minute that he can just run away and forget it all. You make sure you get child support. Good luck, and get at me if you ever want to talk.

    #12311
    Avatardillon12

    i am also from nz, having an aboriton is hard enough when it is your own desission but if you did it for someone else it would be unbearable, make sure you do what you feel is right for you and your baby, if he dosent want to be with you thats his loss and he will relise that when you have a beautiful baby in your arms and he doesnt. gud luck

    #12357
    Avataremilianyz

    First I think you should tell your parents about this cause you never know what will happen , they can be a lot of help for you and if they dont accept you after that there are always people that can help you out.In my case I was scared too to tell them but they did support me with my pregnancy.About you bf just dont do nothing you dont want, cause u may regret it , Is so special to see your belly growing and to give birth and have someone who is part of you.If you want to have this baby just stay strong , I know is not that easy and even more when you dont have your bf support, but you can do it!Im 24 and I was confused too ,i didnt believe in abortion never in my life but when you are in that situation is very different .Instead of all I decided to have my baby if my ex is with me or not ,All my blessings to you!

    #12578
    Avatartyffanie_88

    Sweetie I say you kick that idiot of a bf to the curb & put him on child support because if he doesnt care about the life of your unborn child (that he helped you make) he doesnt care about you. Dont stress yourself because that will just make matters worse for you & the baby. I think you should tell your parents, because you’re gonna need their help & support. It doesnt really matter how they react because you need help & you will just have to take the consequences for whatever they are…as long as you get it off your chest. You just need to think really hard about the future & stop thinking about right now…because right now has already came & tomorrow hasnt…so think about that…I hope everything works out for you…take care 😉

    #12628
    Avatarkez_mummy_2_skye

    i would forgte about him and he is being selfish for saying that to you!

    #12690
    AvatarAnonymous

    I know how you feel. my boyfriend of 4 yrs move to another state when i was 3 months along, and that was really hard for me to take. you just have to try to keep pressing onward, praying, and doing everything you need to to prepare for this baby. what has made it hard for me is that this boy still wants to be in my life, tells me he’s going to come back, and still want’s to be my boyfriend. that makes me feel torn because he has not been here for me and has not even sent any money like he said he would. i dont believe he will come back, he just tells me what i want to hear, but it’s all lies. i have been trying to break it off for good but he keeps calling me, although he does nothing for me. the only thing that keeps me going is my son who’s due in 2 wks, and i know that he will be worth it all, and he’s the only man i need in my life. girl just keep praying and you will get everything you need, just as i have. You dont need your boyfriend, you can find everything you need through prayer.

    As for parents, mine were definately very disappointed at first, but they totally came around. now that im due in 2 wks weeks, they are just excited to be grandparents, and have forgotten how upset they were to begin with. my mother, unlike my ex-boyfriend, has been here for me throughout the whole thing, and has even been a shoulder to cry on over my heartbreak. she has been helping me get ready to be a mother and i dont know how i would have done it without her.

    Now what you need to do is look up what kind of medical aid and financial aid you can get from the government. i live in the u.s. but i’ve heard that new zeland is very helpful to single mothers, and im sure you will be just fine. the best of luck to you. if you want to keep in touch reply back and i’ll give you my email address.

    gina lynn

    #12697
    Avatarhaley

    i know exactly how you feel… but you have to move on stop dwelling over this guy i dwelled over the father of my baby for so long that i started slacking off in my health and at work… it will only drag you down and you need to stay healthy for your baby and tell your parents they will help out with finacial parents always do…

    #12711
    Avatarlissy012207

    I just turned 17. I found out I was prego when I was 7 weeks along. The dad is still in my life and I love him to death. I have to raise the baby using one arm thanks to a car accident that I was in. I’d tell your parents asap. You need OBGYN appts and most of the time, parents that you think will flip out will be supportive of you. i’m lucky that I have the babys dad/my fiance to help me though all of this but even if he wasnt there, i still would have the child. You can get child support, WIC, Cash Assistance, etc

    #12783
    AvatarAnonymous

    A baby is a blessing. You have been given a gift. Focus on that gift and the trust that God put into YOU to care for, protect and love. That guy is a jerk and that isn’t your fault. If he wants to miss out on a beautiful woman and a beautiful baby, that’s HIS loss. And some wonderful guy will recognize the beauty in you and your child and you will all be better for it. Do your best to walk away. He may come back and he may not. If he chooses not too, so be it. Talk to your family and your friends and muster up as much support as you can stand and be the mother that God entrusted you to be. Best wishes.

    #12803
    AvatarFetusAndMe

    hey girl! a friend gave me this really good advice. If you aren’t married, and are pregnant always ask yourself, can I do this without the father? I’m 26 weeks pregnant… and only 17. My boyfriend and i weren’t together very long before I got pregnant (try a couple of months)… that’s not a very firm relationship to base any childs life on, no doubt. I’ve always believed that children are a blessing from God, and that they have a purpose in your life… so I thought about it… even thought he’s being supportive at this moment… if something happened, could i handle this on my own?? And I know I can. I know, no matter what, i will find a way for my child to live a wonderful happy life. You have the option to do the same. If you believe in yourself, you don’t need anybody but that smiling angel, that you’ll be seeing in about 7 months. There are millions of obstacles through life… that will never change. Don’t let this be an obstacle you don’t believe you can overcome

    #12820
    Avatarmommytoele

    Hi There!
    I some what can help you, I think. At least- give you suggestions. I think first you should tell someone who you trust. Second, try to tell one of your parents. I think that is for the best.

    Do you have anything for the baby? Have you been going to the doctors?

    Nicki

    Post edited by: acas, at: 2006/11/06 15:48

    #12822
    Avatarmommytoele

    I agree with Tiffany, so I will probably repeat most of what she has already stated…. Though, I agree, If he doesnt care about the life of your unborn child …that he did also create… he doesnt care about you. Dont stress yourself because that will just make things worse, for yourself, but the baby also. Believe it OR not! I believe you should tell your parents, because you’re gonna need their help, support. Be sure to keep calm. If you need anything please let me know…

    Nicki

    Post edited by: acas, at: 2006/11/06 15:50

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