decisions full of heartache

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by lifeandmusic8975 Rachael Leger .

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #19616
    singlemamaof1
    Suzette H

    So I just registered myself with standupgirl and think this is a GREAT site. Right now I’m 23 yrs old and I have a 4 yr old boy. When i got pregnant with my son i was 18 just graduated from high school. His father didnt want me to have the baby and neither did my parents. I ended up keeping the baby regardless of all the problems my family and boyfriend gave me. It was really hard for me because my boyfriend was abusive both physically and emotionally. I had my son and am so glad I did. I love him so much and he is my life. Since then we’ve been through ups and downs since I’m a single mom and his dad has not been in the picture since the baby was born. I just found out the other day that I am pregnant again. My boyfriend of 9 months keeps telling me he’s not ready for a baby and wants me to have an abortion. I am torn between having the abortion or having the baby. I dont know what to do!!! I’m doing pretty good by myself raising my son, but I dont know what will happen if I keep this baby. I asked my boyfriend what would he do and he tells me he doesnt know. And the only thing he says is that he’s not ready. I know my heart will tear apart if I go through the abortion. But if i keep the baby i don’t want to make my situation worst. I know I’m not financially stable and am somewhat struggling with taking care of my son. I dont know what to do and i need help. My family would probably hate the fact that i’m pregnant again. They didn’t support me much through my last pregnancy and kind of casted me out. Now they love my son and are fine with it. But how am i suppose to bring up this to them??? I’m so lost and confused I need help. Any advice would help. My tears just keep constantly falling since i know i have this decision to make.

    #19624

    Anonymous

    Wow. My advice to you is be strong. Are you living on your own and supporting yourself? If so, you know what it’s like to pay bills and take care of your son. It will give you a good idea of what it will be like to support another child. Personally, I could never have an abortion. Unfortunately, some women do feel it is the best choice for them. If that is not the decision you want to make, DON’T DO IT. It’s YOUR body and YOUR BABY. Remember, there is always adoption to consider. Good luck!

    #19625
    Loren
    Loren Lopes

    Hey girl,

    I can’t imagine how you are feeling right now but one thing that struck me when I was reading your post was how strong you must be to have gone it alone with your son when everyone was against you. It must have seemed nearly impossible at the time and yet you have managed! The same is true for now. It may seem so overwhelming but picture yourself in 4 years time with a beautiful little family of 3! Now that you have come to know your precious son would you ever imagine having aborted him? The same will be true for this precious life you are carrying. Soon you will grow to know and love him/her. Don’t make a decision you could regret for the rest of your life. Your family have accepted you back once, they will do it again. As for your boyfriend, he is probably just scared and may even, if given time, come to be comfortable with the idea. And if he doesn’t, then you can do better for you and your son and your son’s future little sibling.

    Just from reading your post I know you have it in you to fight for the life of this little baby and I know you will be strong enough to come through yet again. We are all here to support you through it!

    Stand up girl!

    #19630
    kez_mummy_2_skye
    Kerry Atkinson

    You have brought up one child so you CAN do this again. You said its hard but very rewarding. Would you want to be in a position to tell your son when he is older that he could have had a little sibling, not to mention what sort of emotional impact its going to have on ur life if you do abort. I’ve heard from girls saying that they are pregnant and financially they cant do it BUT they do and its not as hard as it seems honestly.
    I hope you figure out what u want and dont make a mistake on ur behalf

    #19633
    breathless
    Anna Graham

    You’re definitley in a scary situation and I hate to say this but the right decision is the hardest one, you have to give the baby life! Whether or not you choose to keep baby (adoption??) is up to you but abortion is not the way to go, just look at your son and think about what if you aborted him?? I’m looking at my beautiful two week old son and it makes me cry thinking that at one point I was thinking of abortion, those beautiful eyes, soft skin and thick hair would all be gone and I would be left with nothing. Abortion is so wrong girl, everyone deserves a chance!! In a lot of ways adoption is a great solution, both you, baby and baby’s family win in this decision! Abortion hurts everyone! I’m only fifteen and I was so scared to find out I was pregnant, but unlike you I had (and have) lots of support from my family and boyfriend so I’m not going to say I know exactly what you are going through. All I know is abortion is not the way! I think for the best of you and your son bringing another baby into your life may be too much right now but I am sure the family that can not have children and are financially and emotionally stable would love to bring your child into their arms to call him or her their own. Please do the right thing and give baby a chance, everyone will thank you for it! Look into adoption before you make any more decisions and know that all the girls (and some guys) here at Standupgirl are here for you to offer support whenever you need, don’t be afraid to reach out we are all here to help!!

    Talk to me anytime and I hope this hard patch in your life gets better, Good luck!
    Anna

    #19645
    alexanders_mama
    Katerina Mik

    You’ve done it once, and you can do it again.
    Just think for a second, pregnancy doesn’t happen without a reason. If it happened, it was meant to be.
    And think about this: your son will have a sibling! You are a strong woman, and you can do this.
    I’m here if you need to chat, I had my son at 17 and he’s two and a half, and I’ve being doing it alone the whole time as well…

    #19647
    ericklirios
    Erick Lirios

    Hi.

    I’m sorry you had to go through this. Sex outside marriage is problematic at best and well, here we are.

    My suggestion to you here is not any different from what I’ve said on this site so many times: Stand your ground and keep the baby. You will regret every day of your life (if you’re an honest person) if you turn your back on such a blessing. Do I know what I’m talking about? Yes, I do.

    When I got my wife pregnant, I decided that we would keep the baby but we wouldn’t get together. When I got her pregnant again, I decided differently and led the way towards an abortion. Later on, we eventually got married and are still married up to now. We now have three kids together and two in heaven. (We lost a five-month old son after we got married.)

    Both of us really wish that we could all be together that instead of having five people in the family, the whole seven could be here. Whenever we see a little girl (she would’ve been 11 by now), we know that we could’ve had a girl just like that, one who would take care of her siblings along with her eldest brother.

    But we don’t. All we really have is the fact that we could’ve but did not.

    Don’t do that to yourself. Keep the baby.

    Your boyfriend’s not ready? Who is? Stick to your guns and show him that this is the right thing to do. If he stays, he’s worth your time. If he leaves, he’s just as worthless as the other guy whose only good point was the fact that he can sire a baby.

    I said this in response to a post before: show that man what’s right. Many guys go through life looking for a woman who will fight for what’s right and when we find that woman (I sure have), we will stick to her because finally, we have someone with whom we can face the world.

    Please keep the baby. There will be no regret regardless of the hardships. What am I saying? You already know that. Make sure you don’t lose track of what you already know.

    Keep the baby, stand up to your boyfriend and show him that he’s facing a REAL woman who is already loving his own child even if he isn’t yet. You are that and nothing less.

    God bless you, honey.

    Erick

    #19679
    momtocolton
    Cindy Full

    I think that there are other options out there like adoption.. Why not give your baby life instead of thinking about death.. It would make some families dreams come true to be a family. The love that you have for your son will help you get through this.. I just know if you choose to have an abortion that you will probably never forgive yourself.. I know you are struggling and don’t know what to do.. It is okay to be scared and stuff just let your heart lead you it will never lead you astray… I wish you the best and hope that you will be okay.. If you want to ever talk send me a message… Thanks

    #19682
    lifeandmusic8975
    Rachael Leger

    Let me start by saying this. I already know that you are a strong woman if you have already been through this before. You have every right to keep your child. Do not let your boyfriend make you feel like you only have abortion as an option. That is not right, he should be the one supporting whatever action you choose to take, not make you feel like you will be a bad mother if you keep your baby. Also there is always adoption! There are so many families that can’t have little babies! Don’t you think they also deserve the chance to have a little blessing like a baby in their lives? No one should ever make you feel like abortion is your only option. Now, if you choose abortion as YOUR choice and your not choosing it because of someone else then that was YOUR option and yours alone. You are the mother carrying the child, not your boyfriend or your parents! But If I were in this situation and really felt that I could not support my baby I would choose adoption purely for the fact that I know that a lot of people will never have the chance to have a child, and I could never waste that precious life. All I want you to know is you have people here that will support you through whatever decision you choose is right for you. You are your own person, mother, and woman. And you CAN make your own choices, so don’t let anyone else make you feel that you can’t!! If you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to send me a message.

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