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March 13, 2007 at 9:27 am #15820Mommieofchris
Okay well i’ve been with my sons father for almost four years this summer, and we’ve never been steady.. always breaking up.. he puts me down alot, and i kept getting over it, until he started yelling at me, and saying horriable things to me in front of my son! he "jokes" alot, and hes started doing it with my son who is only 1 1/2 years old… things like "oh shut up child no one wants to hear it" and lots of other things that start to bother me, and i tell him to stop because even if the baby dosnt understand it.. he will eventually … and he also will hit the wall and yell and stuff because i make him mad, and he says that im abusing him by making him angry, and then during the night, my son will want a bottle or something and cry, well he wont get him anything he just yells and tells him to go back to bed hes being a brat… i dont know if im over reacting or not, but i just dont want my son growing up the way i did, feeling the way i did, or growing up to act like his bi polar father! well any advice or thoughts would be apprecated thanks.March 13, 2007 at 6:16 pm #15832ericklirios
It seems like you really did get into a bit of a bind.
The first thing I would suggest is for you to consult a counselor. I’m not anywhere near you and I’m not assuming that the brief description of your situation completely encapsulates what is really happening.
Regardless of that though, please seriously consider getting some help even from family. Even if you think that your son needs a father and he surely does, this doesn’t seem to be the father figure he deserves.
I’m not saying you should break up with the guy but I am saying that there are issues that need to be addressed that a forum like this cannot address. You guys need to work it out and, assuming you really both want to do so, then there is a chance that you can get things fixed.
One major problem of very young families is that when peole recognize that the family situation has prevented the usual youthful activities like always being out with friends, nights on the town, etc., resentment can set in and a person looks for someone to blame whether rightly or wrongly. That’s what may be happening to him.
This is really a very complicated situation and you need to address this very carefully. You need to fight for your family as hard as you can but if it eventually becomes a question of catering to your son’s father’s insecurities and your son’s better growth, I think that’s a relatively easy question to answer.
Please take care and contact me any time should you need help.
ErickMarch 13, 2007 at 6:19 pm #15833Meg11
I totally understand where your at. I left my daughters father for many reasons but one was that I did not want her growing up thinking that the life he desired for us to live was normal. He would drink and I think he was doing meth toward the end. He wouldnt let me get out of bed to take care of her in the morning untill he was "done" with me even if she was screaming. I had to make the decision that I was going to raise her on my own so that I could take care of her needs when needed rather thatn at his convienience. I know after being with someone for so long it is really hard to leave espesially when they are in control!!! May the Lord give you strength for the decision you need to make. And may He bring someone into your life who is worthy of being a father and husband. After 4 1/2 years of single parenthood I just got married in November. Miracles happen and God is faithful. I know that He can bring someone into your life so dont buy any threats and dont listen to fear when you make this choice….MegMarch 13, 2007 at 11:14 pm #15834xbethx
i dont think that the babys daddy is being very nice, soon enough he will start to understand what he is going on about and if he carrys on he will just end up not likeing his daddy or thinking ok this is ok to say to people because my daddy says it to me and he will start saying the words to other people that his daddy says. do you really want to be with your sons daddy if he is being like this with both of you?March 14, 2007 at 1:11 am #15837goodluckyall
Unfortunately, most guys take years to change that kind of behavior if at all. They mature slower first of all, but also if he grew up seeing that kind of thing, he probably sees nothing wrong with it. I wouldn’t waste any more time waiting for him to change if he thinks you’re the one "abusing" him by making him angry. That’s ridiculous.March 14, 2007 at 7:39 am #15850Mommieofchris
i’ve seen two seperate conselors, and neither did much of anything… one calls herself a therapist (the one im seeing) and she never gives me any advice but leave, she dosnt tell me how to avoid him or adivce on helping me through it,, nothing and my family. well before my son was born they had a restraining order against him, but when they took it down they agreed they would stay out of the situation because they didnt want to deal with me going back to him.. so now they just dont let him on the property, and dont care what happens with him and i, if i go crying to my mom she asks me what i expect her to do and stuff like that, she dosnt even offer comfort or anything. but she also dosnt want me to see the councelor anymore because she dosnt want to pay for it, and i tried to get cps envolved when my dad threw me across the room with my son right there.. and they wouldnt do anything but say that because i smack my child on the hand that im an abusive mother,and they investigated me and tried to take my son away.. i mean my mom is a vegitarian who dosnt blaance our diets, so im always hungry.. my doc says im under weight, im expected to have a job, but she dosnt work.. im expected to find a ride everywhere i need, but she wont let me learn to drive in her car .. so i have a drivers permit for no reason, she has five cats four dogs a goat six rats and a bird.. my doctor did tests,, and im allergic to the cats and the rats, and he adviced her to ger rid of them, but she wont, and now we have suspicions that my son is allergic to cats and she wont get rid of them, and cps says theres nothing for them to do, basically its no big deal.. i mean i’ve tried emailing crisis lines and they tell me to talk to cps .. but they wont do anything about my situation.. i mean i know i dont have it the worst but i cant stand living like this and no one seems to want to help me. even a probation officer at the juvinile detention center filed a CPS report and they came in saw our house, said everything looks fine and closed the case.. THAT WAS IT .. no one ever sees what happens or they just dont care. what else is there that i can do? seriously.. my son dosnt deserve our living situation.. cause my money from work dosnt bring in enough to get food for him, and when i do get it, everyone else eats it.. or her animals eat it.. theres not even a shelter i can go to .. since i have a child the teen shelter wont take me, and the womens shelter is for 18 and older. my family other then my parents.. distance themselves from my parents so they dont want much to do with me.. and theres just no where to go… i mean i dont even get to spend the night at a friends house because they threaten to call run away. i just wish someone knew what i could do.March 15, 2007 at 6:21 am #15872Meg11
I know Someone who knows exactly how you feel. He knows your every thought before you think it and He feels your pain. He is the Bread of Life…"Man shall not live on bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God", He is Immanuel "God is with us", He is the King of kings and Lord of lords, He will not allow anything in your life that He is not prepared to help you through..He will not allow more on your plate than you can handle, He is the Lamb of God who was slain to take away our transgressions (even your moms and your sons fathers) He is the Light of the world, He will not leave you in the dark, He will light your path, He is the Prince of Peace, He is the Son of God, He is Jesus…The Word of God is available to you for instruction. The Holy Spirit is the Comforter and our Counselor. Pray and ask the Lord to reveal Himself to you in this time of confusion where you are "trapped" in an unhealthy situation no matter where you go. You are not an abusive mom for smacking your sons hand. That is dicipline and correction and that shows that you love him and that is being a good mom. Sometimes the Lord allows us to be in these "catch 22" situations so that we know that He is our Deliverer and so that we will call on Him for help. If we try to make it through life on our own we end up making poor choices..when we try to "fix" the messes we have made as a result of those poor choices we make even bigger messes. That is why we need a Savior and thank God that no ne is out of the reach of God. He is there when we call on Him. I know that if you committ your life into His hands that He will provide for you and lead you in paths of righeousness for His names sake….I will be praying for you..Please go out and look for a local church in your area. Look for either a bible teaching non-denominational church or a christian church. Sometimes they are involved with different ministries that have funds to help girls in similar situations. If nothing else you can recieve counseling from a pastor (should be free) and ask for a bible and start reading. I hope for the best and please let us know how things work out. Love and Prayers…Meg (ps where do you live??)
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