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May 3, 2005 at 8:48 am #7632Anonymous
🙁 Hi My name is Denise and i need some advice. I had my first kid when i was 17 and a set of twins when i was 19 with my ex-boyfriend. Even though we have not been officially together we have still been "together" and he recently just moved in and we have been trying to make it work, but I am now 20 and pregnant again. I know it might seem crazy but i want this kid (don’t worry i do plan on a tubal ligation afterward). So the part i need advice on though is that my kids father wants me to get an abortion even though i am already 16 weeks and he said if i don’t he will leave and will still take care of previous kids but will not have any contact with this kid. He said he won’t pick it up, buy it things, or nothing. I don’t know what to do,does anyone have any advice.May 4, 2005 at 2:27 am #7636Anonymous
Denise, kick him out. keep all teh children its for the best. he had sex with you, and obviously knew the consquences, so tell him either deal with it, or leave. You are the mother, you get to keep the children.May 4, 2005 at 6:12 am #7640Anonymous
Hey, hopefully you are ready to decide. I just want to know that I can relate to your story. I had my daughter when I was 17. Now I am 22, 24 weeks pregnant, preparing to raise both children alone. The father and I have been on and off for awhile. WHen I told him, I was so scared. Of course he denied being the father because we were not "together" and made me up to sound like some kind of whore I asked him to leave.
I never would’ve imagined myself in this situation. He then called and asked me to hve an abortion and I told him, the topic is no longer up for discussion. I just could understand how he could love one child and not the other???? Yeah I was sad for awhile. I always wanted to have a family. Being a pregnant again and alone was nothing easy to accept.
As my pregnancy goes on, I am happy every time I feel the baby move. This is a life I could’ve "thown away". I am happier now than I was with the father; I have time for me and my daughter. I dont need him and I know that I am strong enough to make the best decsions for my children and myself. I have only 16 wks until the baby is due and I’m enjoying every step along the way….. 🙂
I know no one can tell you what to do, but my advice to you is to let him walk. If he is goign to abandon his children, thats on his part. The only one missing out on anything is him. He’ll realize that he way out of line, for forcing to you make such a decision. I swear, men think it’s so easy! 😛 They have no idea.May 5, 2005 at 4:30 am #7654Anonymous
hi i need help i am in love with a wonderful guy and really want to get married to him. he has already proposed but i am only 16 and he is 21. we can get marries in south carolina if i am pregnant. should we purposly get pregnant so we can be together forever? we are truly in love and really want to be a family. help :woohoo:May 17, 2005 at 11:04 am #7846dorkalious_stud_muffin
well, if thats the only way to be together, i say go for it…… but that brings it into the issue on how much money itll cost…… just living alone will be expensive but then a child. things will work out for the best. you shouldnt rush into marrage though, because if you guys really love eachother he can wait.May 20, 2005 at 10:37 pm #7968Anonymous
DENISE!!! GIRL, PLEASE READ WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.
Girl, I know you love him….I know you do. But in all actuality, he really doesn’t have a choice. Even if he leaves, by law…he has to pay to help support your child. You didn’t make it yourself did you? No…of course not. I am so TIRED of men who think they can do whatever they want, and then when the woman comes up pregnant they want to JUMP off the bandwagon, and want to play elsewhere.
IT ISN’T FAIR!!!!!!
There should be a law against DEADBEAT dads. Even if he is a good father to the other three….he should have thought about that before he stuck you! Sorry to seem so blunt. Call his bluff girl. Please do not kill or murder that innocent baby just because he doesn’t want to be a father to 4. Please, I am begging you.
I have an 11-month old son. I don’t have to tell you how much joy a baby can bring into your life. Just think, if he does leave….(which I just think he is bluffing anyways)…you will have another life to love and that will love you 100 times more than he ever could.
MEN COME AND GO……….BUT CHILDREN ARE YOUR CHILDREN FOR LIFE!!!!!May 21, 2005 at 3:03 am #7973aprilmarie0204
Ok I’ll start with Denise. Kick him out as fast as you can. He’ll have to support the child whether he wants to or not. He can’t be forced to visit, but he will be forced to pay. I’m sure it will be hard to have four children on your own, but it would be harder to live with the quilt that you let your baby die for some man. And even if you did terminate the pregnancy, there’s no telling how ling he’ll stick around for. And then you wouldnt have him or your baby. I hope i helped a little. Take care.
As for pink, do not get pregnant just so you can get married. You have two years until it is leagle to do so, if it’s love it can wait. And it is a lot easier to start off married life with no children then with one. You need a chance to gat to really know the person, all their habits and annoyances. Putting a child into that mix could hinder that process and potentially be detrimental to your marriage. Definatly wait. Please. Take care.May 22, 2005 at 5:52 pm #7998Anonymous
Okay, first, he has no choice but to pay. If he doesn’t pay, garnish his wages. Contact Support Kids (www.supportkids.com) and they can help. Being a single mom is never easy, but it is rewarding. My mom raised 3 of us, while getting her GED 10 years after she dropped out of school, and going to college. We’ve turned out okay. My brother is a police officer, security guard, and a member of the Air Force Reserves. He’s married with 2 boys. My sister is a sales department manager at a company that designs kitchens. She is married and trying to have kids. And I am a stay-at-home mom, married with 1 son.
Now, say he follows through with what he says, he never visits with this child, and is never there like he is for the others. Eventually, your older kids will dislike him for it, and your younger child will respect you forever because you chose him/her over the dad. Just remember, you could be carrying the child that could grow up to cure cancer or AIDS. This child inside of you has all of the potential in the world!! And obviously, this guy doesn’t appreciate that, which makes him the most low-down scum on the earth. He doesn’t even respect the miracle of life! He isn’t worth a second of your time.
Now, the young girl who wants to get married. I understand that you’re in love. But having a baby is not the way to get married. Trust me. Pregnancy makes you moody, it literally changes everything about your body. You get stretch marks, you can get these dark spots all over your skin, and breast milk stinks! And you’re only 16, your body isn’t fully developed yet. My friend who had a baby at 16 ended up with a C-section because her pelvis wouldn’t stretch to let the baby out. Honey, Cesarean scars are not attractive. Now, if you two are really in love, then you’ll still be in love when you turn 18 and you can get married without being pregnant. And wanting to get married is not a reason to have a baby. Babies have to be planned for, they turn your life upside down. One of you needs to have a good job, you need to get your high school diploma, and you need to have a place to live. And don’t think I’m some big adult trying to lecture you, I’m only 20. I was in love at 16, and he was 20, and you know what? It didn’t work out. I’m not saying that’s how it will be for you, but like I said, if you’re really in love, then you’ll still be in love in 2 years. Set your wedding date for the day after you turn 18, and spend the next 2 years planning your wedding. Not deciding on baby names.
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