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September 19, 2007 at 2:45 am #18825breathless
My boyfriend is heltsuik native and both his parents (who were separated at the time, and still are) were extremely abusive to him, especially his Dad…He dealt with a lot of physical, verbal and mental abuse from his Daddy. He’s a great guy now, treats me good, loves his unborn son and is so responsible but sometimes those years of abuse come through..like today. he got really upset because I’m 8 months pregnant and SUPER tired and I was just sitting on the couch not doing much of anything and he just started freaking out and breaking things and screaming at me because i was just sitting there and his Dad used to beat him up really bad when he did that…he kept screaming at me and i started crying really hard and it just made him scream more and he was hitting himself and throwing shit around and i didn’t know what to do except sit there and cry because i was so scared..he kept yelling at me telling me not to sit there so i stood up but didnt know what to do so i was just standing there and then he freaked out telling me not to just stand there and i didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t scared he would hurt me or anything, he never has, it just scares me when he loses it like that. He was saying stuff about his Dad that I couldn’t understand and I asked him what he wanted me to do and he said he didn’t know…he brought me into the room and we sat on the bed and he started crying really hard and saying he was sorry and telling me that the only time he thinks of his dad are when hes reminded about when he was abused and he feels ashamed of himself…he was asking me for help but I DON’T KNOW HOW except for being there for him. He says he can’t help it because that’s how he was taught and I told him that I understand that and I can deal with it but I will not let his Dad control the way he’s a Father to his son. I’ve told him I would never leave him or take his baby away from him and I won’t, but I won’t let our son become victim to the painful memories that haunt him. He needs help and I don’t know where to go for it, he thinks that him and his Dad might have bi polar disorder and I think that may be a possibility because my mom is and I lived with her while she was still undiagnosed so ive seen it in action…I hate when he yells like that and scares me but I can deal with it (even though I shouldn’t have to) but I REFUSE to let our son "deal" with it too but I won’t take his baby away from him…Does ANYONE know what I should do? or where I can get him help? This is the man I am going to marry and raise a family with, he isn’t going anywhere, but I refuse to let me or my son live in fear…and I refuse to let him live in pain and suffering from all those years of abuse that still haunt him. He needs help and I need help helping him!
thank you so much if you can even think of a suggestion..I’ll need it!September 22, 2007 at 12:42 am #18851bweber
talk to him…get him to understand that he needs help and there are medications out there that can help, and i know for a fact because i am bipolar and i have been on meds and they help, but also u have to know that its a hit and miss, trial and error kind of thing trying to find a medication that helps…..just remember that u and ur babys safety in this situation is key!…good luck….October 22, 2007 at 7:27 am #19153alexanders_mama
I don’t know what your boyfriend has because I haven’t talk to you guys face to face.
I think he should see a psychologist just to talk about his past (I don’t mean it in a patronising way or anything).
From what you’ve said, I wouldn’t rush to conclude it’s bipolar, although it could be. I wouldn’t rush with the medication also, because it’s very strong, and you’d want the right diagnosis first.
It could be that he has PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). That’s what it sounded like to me anyway. We had a psycho man trying to kill everyone in our complex at the beginning of this year, and I would wake up every morning at four and have a panic attack until sunrise. What was happening was that I was losing control over where I was, I thought I was there instead of here if you know what I mean, in the past. I talked to the psychologist at uni, because it was really wearing me down, and he diagnosed me and suggested doing things like counting the number of buttons on a shirt or the number of handles on a big drawer etc. and it works, it kind of draws of draws you back into there here and now a little bit. With PTSD, you just need some will and hopefully some support, and you sound supportive, but I wouldn’t rush with medication, I never had any. (Luckily that man got taken away to the acute psychiatric ward lol so I stopped having the attacks).
It also helped me praying.
I suggest go see a psychologist and soon as possible, and that he needs counselling to work through all that happened to him. Your baby’s and your safety are key here, you must remember that. That’s by far the most important thing
Also, this has nothign to do with it, but what is heltsuik? I’m just really interested in native culture, that’s all. I also had a thought, maybe if he got closer to his culture, and who he is, maybe that could help? I’ve heard native people are very attached to their land, and I don’t know where I’d be without my own (Russian) culture.
Hope this long essay rambling on helped lol.
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