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May 17, 2007 at 3:21 pm #17387surfersam
I’m 18 and my boyfriend is 35. Age has never been an issue until now
I’m over 5 motnhs pregnant now, but my boyfriend and I were not dating that long before. We have been together for about 9 months before I realized I was pregnant. We were both so happy at the time, we decided to keep the baby.
I have changed, and everything else has changed so much. It seems like all we do is fight everyday…and now I’m at a point where I feel scared now about having this baby.
Lately he’s been calling me horrible names, never wants to feel the baby kick, has a huge temper…and so much more. I just really want him to be happy…
We just started cousling…but it hasn’t really helped yet. I’m praying to God it will.
Everyone thinks this life I have is so perfect, but it’s not. I’m afraid to tell friends and family how I feel because I came from a broken home and it I have worked hard to be where I’m at today.
I need some advice…..May 19, 2007 at 11:37 pm #17409ericklirios
It seems like your boyfriend, 35 though he may be, is suffering from the initial fears of fatherhood. Honestly, it really hits some guys really hard especially if he’s been living as a single male all this time — without responsibilities, commitments, etc.
Now, here you are getting pregnant after just a few months of knowing each other. Let me be blunt: a guy that age (granted he’s younger than me) can get thrilled that he has a girlfriend who’s half his age. Makes him feel young again. Then your pregnancy makes him go crashing to the ground that he has to be responsible about a baby. I don’t know him and maybe this isn’t fair but chances are all the sex he’s had all this time has been oh so much fun without any strings attached. It’s easy to be in a relationship if it’s all fun and games but when a baby comes along, it changes everything. Trust me, I know, and I’m not exactly proud of how I know.
I, and a whole load of women here, will tell you the same thing: stand your ground and show him what you’re all about. He needs to see that you’re a woman who can stand for her child. If he doesn’t and won’t stand up for his child, then he’s not worth your time.
You want him to be happy? Don’t give in to his pettiness and fear now. If he’s worth all your attention, he will come around though slowly and eventually he will realize that your child together is the best thing that ever happened to him and the woman who stood up for that child is such a blessing also.
Know what I think? He’s scared silly and he doesn’t know how to handle this. Babies never come with a user’s manual and most males like being in control. A woman (not a girl) and a baby are entities that he cannot just control. That, indeed, is scary. Help him along. Show him that regardless of all this, you will be by his side and that this situation (this isn’t a problem, it’s just a situation) is just a situation that needs to be handled wisely and intelligently.
Don’t be afraid of what people will say. They will say what they will say and it’s but normal. Since you decided to keep the baby, wagging tongues will be part of your everyday life. You’d best get used to thins like, "Look at her. Coming from a broken home and still she didn’t learn anything from it." Let them talk and let them eventually eat their words when you rear that child into a beautiful person — regardless of whether you have to do it alone or not.
Right now, you have to focus on two things: what’s good for your baby and what’s best for you. I would argue that what’s best for you both is for your relationship with your boyfriend to be ironed out. He’s agreed to counseling. That’s a good sign. He’s at least willing to work things out. Maybe you’re not at such a losing situation.
Pray a lot, honey. You will need God always next to you in these coming years. I’m Catholic and one famous priest, Fr. Patrick Peyton, made famous these words: The family that prays together, stays together.
Go to church together, whatever church you guys go to. Pray together. Pray aloud together. It is in prayer that you will both find peace.
Take care, sweetie.
ErickMay 23, 2007 at 8:10 am #17450surfersam
thanks so much! that made me feel a ton better..take care!
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