Boyfriend is confusing me

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  • #24283
    Kae
    Deirdre Devine

    Guess I’d might as well start from the beinning.
    I’m 17 and I’m now 5 months/24 weeks pregnant. I’m still with my boyfriend, and I do think he’s great. We’ve only been together 9 months, though, so maybe that might change.
    When I told him I was pregnant, he was very supportive. He said he’d do everything he could for me and the baby, and he did want to be there. I was planning on giving the baby up for adoption then, and he seemed upset by that but said he’d go with whatever I decided and that it was my choice.
    Now that I’ve decided to keep the baby, he seemed pleased again, and promised again he’d do everything to help. But the thing is, he still hasn’t told his parents, and can’t give me a good reason why.
    His mum and his stepdad moved here with him and his brother and sister about 3 years ago, and I’ve never met them. He says he doesn’t get along well with either of them, and the whole time I’ve known him that was obvious. There’s a history with his biological father, he won’t tell me the full story, but whatever way his mum acted then, he holds against her now, and he doesn’t see his life as his stepdad’s business.
    I can’t understand this, though – is he planning on never telling them? How is that going to help him, or even me? I think his parents should know they have a grandchild on the way, but they are his parents, and having never met them, I have no contact with them.
    Would there be some underlying reason he’s not telling them? I just can’t understand why he’d do something as weird and unintelligent as that. He is an honours student in his school, got 9 out of 10 As in his last exams, he’s a junior member of MENSA, and yet he can’t see how not telling his parents isn’t going to go down well.
    I just don’t know how to convinve him to tell them, or how to find out exactly WHY he hasn’t told them. :/ All my family know and are very very supportive of me, but none of them know his family because they aren’t really from here and haven’t really established much contact with people here, so it’s unlikely they’ll hear rumours.

    #24289
    emeraldforestmyheartbro
    Enya Slaton

    Hey hun, first of congrats for giving your baby life and taking responsibility for your actions. Second, maybe your boyfriend has alot of issues with his family, maybe they are very quick to judge young women who are pregnant, but whatever the case he needs to tell them soon cause in a few months time you will have a bouncing baby girl or boy and his parents deserve to know. If he refuses to tell them maybe talk to your parents about it? see what could be done about the situation.

    best of luck
    xox Enya

    #24299
    myangelsinheaven
    Tracey Flanagan

    Hello, and congratulations on your baby!! I am happy to hear that you and your family as well as your boyfriend are in support of the life of your baby. It is a true blessing and a gift from God. Even at your age you can see the importance of that. That is refreshing to hear. It is obvious your parents taught you some valuable lessons about love and life.

    As far as your boyfriend and his family are concerned….there may be a lot of bitterness in that situation, some pride on the parts of some of them, and past hurts that have nothing to do with you and the new baby. They are trying to live after a broken marriage and there’s no telling what could have happened. Try not to take that personal and you could offer a prayer of healing for your boyfriend and his relationship with his parents. I married into an identical situation and just gave my husband support on my end. Your boyfriend may be wanting to protect you from the bad relations that his parents demonstrate toward one another…and by his actions so far…I can see a young man who is trying to possibly break the chain of dysfunction that he’s lived. He may be waiting for them to prove themselves worthy of being part of his child’s life. That is what my husband did as well. The cycle of unhealthy relationships has to be broken somewhere for our next generations to live better than what we are witnessing in today’s society.

    You are doing your part in that effort as well. By accepting this child, YOUR child, and by your parents supporting you giving THEIR grandchild life, you will be telling the world in your small community…….WE DON”T KILL INNOCENT BABIES…WE LET THEM GROW IN THEIR MOTHER’S WOMB, WE LET THEM TAKE THEIR FIRST BREATH AND WE GIVE THEM LIFE!!

    If more young pregnant mothers, wed or unwed along with their mothers and fathers would follow this humane Christian way of thinking, we can wipe out the sin of aborting babies.

    May God bless you and your family for your beautiful decision. THEIR IS HOPE for future generation of youth.

    Christ’s Peace,
    myangelsinheaven

    #24302
    cheried
    cherie day

    hi honey- congrats on the pregnancy!!

    i know how you feeling with your boyfriend i had a
    similar experience.

    i think maybe you should try talking to him- exactly what you told us here
    in your post – tell him. you two are having a baby
    and you have to communicate with each other
    and about your feelings otherwise alot more pressure will fall on you.

    maybe he is just scared about how they will react?
    but i do agree with you- his parents SHOULD know-
    it is there grandchild and if they are mad… so what
    they will get over it trust me. tell him you want to meet
    his parents and tell them. do your parents know that
    his parents dont knw? maybe you could talk to your bf and get
    your parents to talk things out. the thing is at the end of the day
    your baby is all that matters- dont cause yourself stres

    good luck- with you all the best

    p.s. im 28 weeks so our babies are like 4 weeks apart
    heheB)

    #24305
    Kae
    Deirdre Devine

    Thanks for the replies guys 🙂

    I never though of it that way, like, that he might be trying to protect me and the child from his parents’ behaviour or break a cycle.. I think maybe I’ll talk to him about it and ask about that. If that’s the case, I’ll let him do what he thinks is right, because I don’t know his parents or family and therefore can’t really but in or say anything about them.

    #24373

    Anonymous

    Hey sweety!
    I had the same problem with my baby’s dad. We were together until I was 5 months pregnant. During that time he also never told his parents and as a hormonal pregnant teen I was MAD! The guys wasn’t an honors student at all, but I don’t think that had much to do with it. I ended up getting sick and tired of him suppousedly “caring” but yet not telling his own mom. So I told her myself.
    I think, since your boyfriend seems like a smart guy, he probably doesn’t want to dissapoint his parents. I think every teen parent feels that way, he hasn’t gotten that boost yet to just come out and say it. He is waiting for the right moment. Since you are having his baby, maybe you should go over with him and meet his parents. Then slowly let them know.
    My ex said the same thing about his stepdad, he didn’t want to tell him and have him get mad, because it was none of his concern anyway.
    Don’t worry, it will all work out! Congratulations on the pregnancy;)

    Sarah

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