being alone kills me inside

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  • #26470
    AvatarRina Alba

    Hi. I’m rina and im 22 years old. I got pregnant around june 2009. The day that we did the ‘deed’ was also the day he broke up with me. I was totally not aware that I conceived. Since I got so depressed from the break up because I love him so much, I enrolled in a gym, kept on drinking and smoking and kept myself busy with work and drinking diet pills. My mother died last november 2009 that made me even depressed and lost with myself. I even found out that she wasn’t my real mother. It was my sister who takes care of me often -who is my real mother. I was devastated. It took me days into crying. Several days after, I took a preg.test because I’ve been way months delayed which I did not mind thinking it was simply because I lost weight bec.of gym. It was positive. I talked to my ex telling him i’m pregnant. He told me he’d support me. I did not ask that he’d marry me nor did i ask him to be there for me because I wanted him to voluntarily do it. I do not want to force someone to live the rest of his life with a woman he left already. I lost my job because i’m a teacher in a catholic school. Single mothers + a teacher is considered immoral. The owner of the school asked me to ask my ex bf to marry me so I can keep my job which I didn’t do. I stopped my Masteral Studies because I feel so ashamed being seen by people. I’m due on either last week of march or 1st week of april said the doctor. I still love my ex boyfriend, I still hope he’d someday show up and love me and our baby. But I guess, I can only hope but not actually make it happen. I haven’t received anything from him. No text. No call. The pain of loneliness kills me. I cry whenever I remember him. I’m always sad pitying my situation and my baby girl. I know I can bring up my baby by myself but at the end of the day, I know I’d still long for a man’s love. But not any man’s love.

    Please tell me what to do. I feel so miserable and lonely.

    #26478
    Avatarvhmiles

    Understandable that with so much going on it may appear that all of your happiness has been taken from you! BUT, looking into your situation and having 10 years on you in age, I promise you that your life will fall into place and you will be happy again! Try to look at the loss of your job as an opportunity to find another job that is better! Look at the loss of love as nothing more than a building block which will better prepare you for your future Husband. All of the experiences we have in life be them stressful, happy, sad, depressing, etc are nothing more than God’s way of preparing us for something better. Pick your head up, learn to be alone, that in itself will make you more attractive to the type of man you would be proud to have in your life. You can not base your happiness on the presence of others. I know, I know, easier said than done right? RIGHT! But, I have been there! I know what it feels like to be alone, I know how hard it is. It was not until I embraced it and just marched forward trying to be the best Mom I could that I found what I needed. Sometimes when you just take your eyes off the prize and just worry about daily survival, the prize just appears on your doorstep when you least expect it. Kind of like watching water boil…think about it and remember “This too shall pass.”

    #26490
    AvatarRina Alba

    Thank you! I really appreciate all those words which I badly needed to read over and over for it to get stucka in my head so as not to forget. I wanted to be the best mom i could be, just needed a lil push here and there. Thanks again!

    #26657
    Avatarkitikat92

    I also am in the same situation with being alone and wanting a mans love.. im 17 and due 9th april 2010.. i found out i was pregnant at the same time my then boyfriend was sleeping with another girl. Since then ive been alone and craved a guys love. trust me it gets better and just focus on preparing yourself for your baby.. once the baby comes you’ll be too busy with the baby to be focusing so much on missing yr man. try and surround yourself with people you trust as much as you can.. good luck. x x

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