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July 13, 2009 at 11:14 am #25475breathless
I’m a teen Mom, I got pregnant at 15 and am now 17. As rude as it sounds, I have met very few young Mom’s who are truly devoted to their children. When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately wanted an abortion because I just “wanted it to go away”.
Unfortunately when you take those chances and end up in that situation, you cannot “make it go away”. I spent three days thinking over every outcome and every detail.
I thought about what having the child would mean, I thought about what giving him to someone else would mean. I realized that adoption would give him financial stability, and presumably, a loving family. I then thought about what I could offer him.
I thought of the sacrifices I would have to make, the struggles I would endure. I remained true to myself. I decided that if I were to keep him he would have every thing that he would have if he were to be adopted. I asked myself, can I provide him with love, can I give him shelter, can I give him everything he deserves and more? If I was to keep this child, I had to be absolutely sure that being with me would be the best for him.
In those few days, I devoted my life to him, my soul. We don’t own a house, we don’t own a car or have thousands of dollars in the bank. I know that “just loving them” is not enough, and that children need food, and clothing, and education.
I knew what I was giving up for him, that my Mom would not be the one to care for him, that I couldn’t just dump him off while I went out and partied. I was aware that my boyfriend and I are not married and that our relationship is hard work.
But if any of those people knew how much I loved him, how cherished he is, how far I am willing to go to ensure that he is taken care of, that he is given every chance in life, I can only hope that you would change your opinion, if only for one teen mom.
Each day is a struggle for me, because I often question how well I am doing, if I am good enough, if I am doing enough. Facing constant judging and anger towards me for my age is hard, and often it does bring on guilt, making me fear I kept him out of selfishness and will not be able to give him what he deserves.
I’m often angry at other Teen Mom’s because I don’t see the same devotion, most of them don’t understand what it means to be a Mother, or they feel they are entitled to special treatment because of their plight. Feel like something is owed to them because they kept their children. My ideal world would for older Mom’s to respect us as Mother’s and for teen mom’s to accept themselves as regular Mom’s as well. It seems that the stigma of being young reflects on their parenthood, like they have something to prove, or that they have to bust their ass to show the world that they can do it. That everyone who has an opinion is personally attacking their integrity and to lash out is the only way to prove them wrong.
When I think of myself and the way I am with my son I see myself as an equal with other mom’s. I feed him, I discipline him, I change his diapers and love him. I enjoy spending a night with friends, and I am an individual along with being a parent.
It makes me so sad to see girls being bullied by adults for their choices, being written off based only on their age. Being called sluts, accusing us of being selfish, saying we robbed our children of what they deserve. I can’t speak for every girl out there, but I can speak for myself. And you’ve greatly underestimated me. To say that I’m not good enough, or that I’m irresponsible is wrong, and narrow minded. I treat my son with respect, and I treat myself with respect. I am responsible for my actions, and I intend to remain so, giving my son a good role model and someone he can always be sure will provide him with what he needs.
I know I’m repeating myself, but this hate is getting out of control. The bottom line for me is, I DO NOT agree with teen pregnancy/ parenting. I do not think it is cool, or “our right” or, u dont no me!!!11!!! But I do know that there ARE some girls who are doing it right and putting in as much effort as all the rest of those Mommies out there. I do know that there are girls who wake up every morning ready to love their children and teach them and nurture them. I do know that there are girls out there who will give there kids what they need in every way.
Sure, only 1 out of 100 girls out there are doing any good, according to those often quoted “facts” but there’s this little thing called “benefit of the doubt” and I think we’re all entitled to it.
I also know that a lot of that anger comes from the Motherly instinct, we hear about young moms neglecting their children and in return the babies suffer, not them. I know that when you hear of another teen who gets pregnant the first instinct is to feel bad for their children. We all want children to be treated with respect and love, because that is what they deserve.
Motherhood is a tough job, either you can do it, or you can’t.
I believe 100 % that I can and I will.
All I ask is that you recognize me as a Mom, doing the hard job that it is, getting through each day and loving my son through it.July 16, 2009 at 10:08 pm #25489Anonymous
Reading this has actually brought me up. I feel exactly the same way you do taking care of my son. He is 6 months old, I am fifteen and I can’t stand anyone else taking care of him, or I’ll just feel guilty. I question myself sometimes and hope he loves me just as much as I love him. Last night he was laying next to me while I was on the phone with his dad and he kept cuddling up next to me. If only girls new things like that, they’d know how much motherhood is completely beautiful.
I promise you that while not every teen mom loves their child like they should, I am one that truly does. I am trying to get the best education I can for my son’s sake and I am not going to be the “cool” parent just because I’m a teenager.
And while I admit that I can be selfish and want a break sometimes and most of the time I’m upset about being away from his dad in another state, reading what you wrote has given me more bravery and courage to be stronger and push through these hard times for better days. You are a true mom. Age may be a factor in affecting your ability to parent, but there are indeed exceptions. I can tell just by your words that you are one of those parents. I want you to know that your words are going to be carried with me because you really are someone that I can look up to who knows just exactly what I’ve been through.
Would you mind sharing with me how you’re making it work with your boyfriend and what you’ve chosen as a career? I don’t mean to be rude by asking… but I’m trying to figure out a plan and decide what the best course of action is for myself, and like I’ve said… you really seem like someone I’d like to get advice from.July 17, 2009 at 11:17 pm #25490soulfulseductress
I really like this post. You bring up some very valid arguments.
I think one thing a lot of people forget is that a lot of the problems associated with teen parenting go beyond just the age and maturity level of the parents. The girls that are more prone to becoming teen mothers are those coming from unstable homes and unstable environments. Not all teen mothers come from a negative home environment but a sizable number do. These are the teens who you will often see not be the best parents and mainly because they already have so many problems of their own and are overwhelmed by their negative life experiences. Many of these girls do not have a positive parent role model to look up to and so they don’t even realize what they are doing wrong until much later in life. They don’t have the resources to properly care for their child and it frustrates them. Parenting for them is much more difficult than for a more financially/emotionally stable individual.July 19, 2009 at 8:13 am #25494Anonymous
That is a really t rue statement also, soulfulseductress.
Thinking about what you just said, I think that most girls who come from unstable households are the ones who enter into drugs, alcohol, and promiscuity, as well. But I think that the poster’s point was to say that not every one of us are like this. Some of us just want to make up for our mistakes and move on and do better for our children. Stereotypes are a big part of the world…. and I think that if there weren’t so many stares and whispers that more girls would be willing to stand up and do the right thing. We, as teenagers, are pouring over the fact about what Bobby at school thinks of us, or Klarrisa the popular girl. For some reason, I just have never been really involved in what others think of me, but most girls are. I had a lot of support to help get me through my pregnancy from my ex-boyfriend, my parents, my school, my friends… and it made the experience so much easier. Girls really need help out there and it would be so much better if more people would truly educate themselves about teenage pregnancy and instead of hurting the girls, make an effort to show some courage. This will hopefully impact all of the girls who aren’t as dedicated to their children as some of us are. If you have encouraging words, you’re going to feel better about yourself and want to do better for the both of you. Some people can’t handle the put-downs and I believe that those are the girls who don’t succeed with their children. This life isn’t for everyone… If you chose to keep your baby, you’re promising God, yourself, and your child that you are going to face what other people say and work your hardest to prove everyone wrong who doubted you, and prove the people who love and support you right.July 20, 2009 at 6:44 am #25498breathless
Autumn, I have been following your story on here and you are doing a fantastic job. I have a hard time being on here because a lot of the stories are sadly all the same. I’ve been reading what you have to say since you were pregnant, I strongly believe that you are the best your child deserves, you are doing everything right.
My son is 2, so I feel I have a basic grasp of what to expect, and how things are going to be. Each day brings its challenges, its ups and its downs. I am so happy you have found my words helpful.
Teenagers who have children, there is such a general opinion about them all. I’m not a bad mom, but I wasn’t one of the A+ girls who got pregnant her first time. My home life was crap, and I’ve dealt with a lot of stuff, but it has only made me stronger. I don’t dwell on it, in fact it makes me more motivated to be the best I can.
The little piece about your son cuddling with you makes me realize that YOU GET IT, the little tiny things that make that bond indestructible, that makes you truly fall in love with your child. I see babies sitting in their car seats, never being held, never being talked to. Every moment that my son lets me hold him, talk to him is a moment to be cherished. Watching him grow and learn new things makes me choked up.
I’m not for or against (to a degree) teen pregnancy/parenting, I am against children not getting treated well, or being robbed of a chance at a good life simply because someone doesn’t want to give it to them. Doesn’t matter if you are 40 or 14, each child deserves a chance at life and if you’re not willing to give them that chance for whatever reason, then you should not be a parent.
Having a child and subsequently raising them is a selfless task, you give and give and give and don’t get much back. That’s just how it is. Your kids don’t “owe” you anything, if you do it right, they will love you the most and that should be sufficient “payment”.
As for me and my boyfriend, we’re friends first, a couple second. When things get too stressful we either take some space or we spend some easy going time together, just the two of us, playing video games or going for a walk.
We are both aware that our relationship isn’t perfect and we’ve decided that no matter what happens, we will remain a team, and be great, supportive, loving parents to our son, together or not.
As for a career, I’m way behind in school, I dropped out before I had my son and haven’t really gone back since. This september I’m going back and getting what I need to do to graduate. After that, I am considering a career working in a nursing home.
btw, don’t feel guilty about leaving your son with someone now and then, I said I don’t agree with partying every night and day but needing a bit of time to yourself now and then is a necessity for Mom’s old and young. In order to be the best mom you can be, we all need a break to do something for ourselves now and then!!
Just be the best you can, and love your child all the time, unconditionally.
you had a lot of good words to say and I appreciate you saying them. It’s about the willingness to succeed and the effort you are willing to put in to give your child the life they deserve.August 5, 2009 at 4:59 pm #25582kez_mummy_2_skye
You guys are doing both a great job. You are very mature than your age.
I love to see ppl like you and help others through some tough times.
I to followed you Autumn and so proud of you..(even though i dont know u personally)
Having kids makes it even more special when u have trouble having them as im trying for a 3rd and its just not happening. I have polycyctic ovaries and im so greatful for the 2 i have now.August 6, 2009 at 1:06 am #25583Anonymous
Thank you so much. 🙂 It really does brighten your day to hear that.
I’ll pray for you for your third! But your right so right… two is a HUGE blessing.
My son’s father and I are living in different states but I just have something inside telling me that we’re going to work through all of this. I really, really miss him. I just want to get back there soon, which is why I’m trying to get a GED. I really took it from you to be friend’s first, then a couple. It really is a great thing to do. And it’s working better now.
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