bad behavior any advice?

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  • #28087
    Avatarkkoops87

    Hello my name is Kristin and I am having a small problem with my youngest son. He is 5 almost 6 and this is his first year in school as I couldnt let go so he could go to pre-k. Now I am havign some behavior problems with him and I am at a loss for what to do. My oldest son who is 8 really never went through this which is why I am ill equipped to handle the situation. In recent months he has began hitting other children, animals, and even himself for no reason at all. He just does it because he felt like it, but he also has started lying about everything bad he does. Now I understand boys will be boys and they like to rough house but I am getting concerned as how to disipline him and make this mess stop. I have tried groundment, a little spanking, write offs, and once I even went to school with him and sat there all day just to i guess embarasse him. Nothing seems to be working and its getting out of control. The only place I can think of that he picked this up at is when my brother who is 21 watched him for us while we were at the hospital with our other son having his apendix removed he let him watch friday the 13th. which i didnt approve of. I think he has taking the violence to heart. Anyways Im rambling I just need some advice on how to stop this behavior or get it under control as well as some disipline any help would be greatly appreciated

    #28088
    AvatarMeg11

    Ugh, I feel ya….Look with him just going to school this year he is in a WHOLE NEW ENVIRONMENT….The stress of fitting in with other kids, learning in a new way, sitting in his chair, using scissors, being exposed to kids that you do not know, have no control over what happens in THEIR homes etc…that is a lot to have on his plate….My best advice is this, Made your home a safe haven for him, some kids are so mean and when he comes home you need to provide a safety net, loving, warm, offer him a snack etc…DO NOT, repeat DO NOT by any means tolerate his hitting and bad behavior, encourage him with positive things, when he shares make a big deal of it, Thank you for sharing with your brother, How kind of you to do that…take him on a date once in a while with just you, get him a dollar scoop of ice cream and ask him how he is liking school….when you discipline him be SOLID….do NOT back down, he is looking for your weakness, he is testing you, he WANTS you to win….You are his safety net, at school he may have issues with security, he may feel picked on or that he doesn’t fit in, he is testing to see if you will treat him the same way, what is his favorite toy? Does he play video games, all I have to do is threaten my son with his games and he gets right in gear, the reason is because I HAVE taken them away and I did NOT back down, give them back early or just threaten….God will cover the Friday the 13th thing, just be more cautious of what people have around him when it is in your ability and pray that God covers the rest….I have rules about time out, if you are in time out your time does NOT start until you are quiet, if you goof off or talk, your time starts over from the beginning….no turning around, nose in the corner, hands behind your back, If I take a toy away or a privilege I set a time, day, week, hour etc and I stick to it no matter how fast the behavior improves…if I spank and I do….I make it hurt….I do NOT bruise my kids, I do NOT spank when I am angry, I sit them down lovingly and explain why they are getting a spanking, I tell them I will only spank you ONE time if you lay across my lap and allow me to spank you, if you kick and scream and make me fight you I will give you two, if they start squirming and freaking out before I spank then I calmly say, 2, if they keep it up 3 then I will say, How many spankings do you want? I use a bamboo spoon and I give one hard firm swat on a bare butt that is ALL it takes, if they try to cover with their hands I tell them that is worth an additional spanking as well….with my kids, I have 4, I RARELY EVER have to spank them anymore, they are used to it, when you spank a kid hard enough for them to cry REAL tears they want to be held loved and restored, so at first you are the bad guy but then they want you to hold them, it allows for a good ending to a spanking and the fact that you followed through with it and made it hurt will show them that next time you mean it and they will be much less likely to require spankings in the future…TRUST ME….I am a commando mom, I don’t mess around but EVERY-TIME I am out in public I have AT LEAST one person who will tell me, Wow, your kids are so well behaved, they are so good, you have great kids…etc….I go through the battles at home so we can enjoy our times out….They love me, they have a healthy fear/respect for me and it is because I FOLLOW THROUGH….Just gear up because its like breaking a wild horse…there will be a HUGE fight, there will be many tears, spankings, time outs etc….but once you show him whos boss and stick with it he will learn….Much Love, Meg…. meg@standupgirl.com

    #28089
    AvatarAnonymous

    I agree with Meg. Be firm, and don’t back down, but don’t be, for lack of a better word, a dictator. You still want your child to be able to come to you and talk to you, but they need to know that thier ations have consequences. It’s a challenge for every parent to find that medium, but practice makes perfect. Another good point of Meg’s I’d like to highlight is that, if you choose to spank, don’t do it when you’re angry. Make sure you calm down before you spank. I, personally, don’t like the spanking tactic, but if it works for you, then that’s just what works. For me, my biggest concenr is being able to discipline effectively and still be the person they come to if something happens. I don’t want them to be afraid of me, the way I was o my parents, but I still want them to know what’s right and what’s wrong, and that if you do something bad, there’s a consequence. You should check out parenting websites, aswell. babycenter.com has some good articles on discipline for all different age groups.Good luck!

    #28090
    Avatarkkoops87

    thanks for the adivce i never looked at it like that i guess he does have alot on his plate. not to mention he was my baby for 5 years and then we added a new baby 5 months ago, and we will be having another one in november if my calculations are correct. i know ever kid is different and they all have different phases so when he started this i had no clue what to do about it because my oldest didnt go through this. yeah i yelled at my brother for a good while about the whole friday the 13th thing but im just glad it wasnt anything worse than that. little did i know my brother lets his kids watch that stuff. i will try the time out thing as wel as the new method of spanking. im a firm believer in a good butt spanking like it says in the bible spare the rod spoil the child. my parents spanked me and i like to think i turned out great. now when were in public my sons are very well behaved and well mannered i as well get complements on them so maybe this is just because of all the changes in our home life with the new baby as well as school. thanks so much ill trry and keep you posted. god bless kristin

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