This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by Jessica M .
- September 20, 2009 at 7:41 pm #25762
My son is doing fantastic. He’s crawling around, healthy, and has two teeth now. So why am I so on edge with everything?… I think it’s me. I feel like I had a chance to make a new start, and I ruined it. I made a couple mistakes recently and I want to let them go and move on, but I’m never able to forgive myself and I keep falling into the same pattern. I didn’t make the start as I wanted it and I hate myself for it… I hate myself for a lot of things lately. I’m just not happy, but I should be! I sabotage any relationship with any guy that comes remotely close to me and at first I want to date, then all I think about is what’s wrong with them. I can’t look anybody in the eye, anymore… I’m just so self-concious and searching for something that I don’t even know. I’m trying to find who I am and where I belong, and I don’t even know what that means. How can I let the past go and move forward with confidence and dignity? How can I be a better mom every day when the day isn’t long enough to sustain school, taking care of Caden, homework, trying to get some type of exercise? There’s just SO much to do and I’m like a robot… Repeating the same things every day, I’m stuck in my house. I love my son so much, I love being with him… So why am I not happy? I don’t understand myself… Another thing I catch myself doing is eating. I’m not overweight at all, but I know that I eat like I am when I feel like there’s something to fill… I don’t want to do that, anymore. I want to feel happy and new and self-assured and to able to go for what I’m going for and be happy in the process instead of waiting for something better to happen.September 21, 2009 at 5:47 pm #25773
Maybe you aren’t able to find the right guy because you are afraid of losing someone again? Or in the back of your mind u are worried about Caden and finding someone who will treat you both right.October 13, 2009 at 6:02 am #25851
Well good news is I think a lot of this is totally normal, it’s just a matter of learning how to deal with it. As a mom life is always crazy even more so with you in school but if it wasn’t school it would be work. I ALWAYS find myself not feeling like there are not enough hours in the day. And the last time I worked out hahahaha. Anyway I have seen you on here since way before you had the baby I think you need to stop focusing on where you need to be as a person, dating and where you belong. All of this will come to go in time. You don’t need any male in your life right now and the reason you are probably finding fault with them is either your not over your ex or you have an emotional wall up. You have enough on your plate without dating. And trust me when the time is right you will date and someday find the person you will spend the rest of your life with. Step back and take a deep breath you are a very very lucky young lady. Even though being a mom and the daily stresses get to all of us you have what’s most important and everything else will come in due time. Best of luck and I hope you feel better. -Jessica
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