Ame07

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  • #14098
    Ame07

    Mkay, I want to say thanks, but you all have said leave, but no actual helpful advice (with the exception of a few people who were very helpful) I’m extremely thankful for all your advice, but please consider giving tips/hints on how to go about doing whatever you tell me to do.

    #14108
    Mia3

    Hey Girl, I’m so glad to hear from you because I was getting a little worried there for a while. First of all, has there been any change in your situation? I know that your due date is coming up shortly right? So how are you feeling? Has any advice that you got helped you any? Like I said in my earlier response I have been through your same situation and I have come out of it when I really didn’t think I could. My ex boyfriend was a controlling, abusive, posessive, jealous maniac. When he found out I was pregnant with his child he went crazy and beat me to the point where I actually miscarried. Even after that I felt exactly like you did, I knew that I should leave him but I just couldn’t because I "loved" him and he "loved" me and he could be the sweetest man ever when he wasn’t angry. I would even get angry when other people would criticize him for the way he was and I would feel the need to come to his defense. It was crazy, I know. But deep down inside I knew that I had to get out of that situation before it was too late, and after a lot of soul searching and crying I decided that I’d had enough. Now you said you needed tips on how to go about leaving so first things first, you have to decide if you are seriously ready to leave him or not. Otherwise you are just wasting your time, and when you do go back to him he’s going to be really angry about what you did and he will definitely take it out on you. So if you’re really ready to leave here’s what you have to do. You have to have a plan, if you just get up and go one day you’re more than likely going to end up back with him because you don’t know where your going and what to do next. So this step is very important. Next you’ll have to do some research. Just pick up a phone book or go online and see what kind of help they offer in your area for girls like you. Trust me your not alone. Oh and please try and let someone ( who you can trust) know what you are doing so in case God forbid he finds out and something happens to you. I’m not trying to scare you I just want you to be careful. Next thing is, when you leave you have to just simply disappear. If you let him get you on the phone or arrange to meet with him he will suck you back in. Also, don’t go anywhere that he’ll expect you to go. If he finds you he will do whatever he has to do to get you back. If it all possible go somewhere FAR away. When I left I went two and a half hours away. It’s going to be hard and you’re going to feel alone but please don’t let that stop you. Just remember, out of sight, out of mind. The longer you go without any contact with him, the easier it gets. Also try to remember that any attempt he makes to get you back does not mean that he loves you. Men like that have control issues and the fact that he no longer has control over you is going to drive him crazy, that’s why I say you should have absolutely NO contact with him. Look sweetie, I could go on and on about this but I would really like to talk with you one on one because I really feel that I can help you, so if you would like my help please let me know. I would be more than willing to exchange email with you to help walk you through this step by step, because it can be very scary doing it alone. So PLEASE let me help you! I’ll be waiting to hear from you Ok. Good Luck!

    Mia

    #19714
    Ame07

    You’re right, that was my mistake. I didn’t go far enough. He still calls my phone, drives past my house and haunts my dream. He’s never approached the baby, but I’m scared. I can’t help it! I miss him so much, he’s all I have. How can I not love him when he gave me the most precious gift of all?

    #19761
    randomchyck220

    My advice is for you to get a civil restraining order. it doesnt cost any money and he can get arrested if he contacts you or comes anywhere near u. are u getting child support?

    #19821
    Ame07

    Are you serious? You want me to ask my maniac ex to pay child support? That’s got to be the funniest thing I’ve heard all day. I mean how would I do that? I’m sure as heck not going to appraoch him and be like you need to pay me child support. Oh god I can just picture that. Can you say hello intensive care?:laugh:

    #19909
    randomchyck220

    oh no no hunny loll have the court do it for you, if he doesnt pay then he goes to jail

    #19960
    Ame07

    Darling, are you that naive???? I mean granted it would be wonderful, but I think it’s unrealistic to even consider it. Also, I don’t want his filthy money…..it’s drug money….thats like saying "I hate that you deal, but keep dealing because I need child support…"

    #19963
    CourtneyMichelle

    the same thing happened to me that mia3 was explaining. it’s a little different though. my exboyfriend got me into drugs, and then my school found out and sent me to detox. after that, my parents stopped me from talking to him, which was the BEST thing they could’ve done, even though i didn’t think so at the time. he even called my parents telling them i was pregnant when i wasn’t just so he could see me. i had to completely cut him out of my life for him to get the point. he called my phone about 30 times a day for 3 days until he gave up. at one point i had to disconnect my house phone so he wouldn’t keep calling at night. after he gave up, i felt like i was finally free after two years of abuse. it was horrible at first because i didn’t know what to do with myself because i put my entire life into TRYING to change him and TRYING to make him happy, but i realized that wasn’t possible.

    so after i realized this, i got support from close family and my best friend and it was the best thing i could do. don’t be afraid to ask for help – you won’t regret it. i felt stupid at first because i knew that i couldn’t hide what he did to me anymore, but they already knew before i said anything. they helped me stay busy and get my life back on track. don’t do this alone, and know that any abuse is BAD and you can’t change him once he’s done this to you more than once.

    i guarantee that after a while you will feel so much better after a while. and be STRONG, don’t answer his calls no matter what. completely cut him off if you don’t want a dangerous environment for you and your baby.

    #19970
    kez_mummy_2_skye

    i get what u mean. I think its just best not to have anything to do with him at ALL. It is hard when there is love but you gotta do whats best for you and the kid.

    #19986
    Ame07

    I get what your saying. I don’t like any of it, but I know we’re over. It’s done, I can’t go back…

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