Am I being selfish?

This topic contains 6 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Anonymous .

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  • #10813
    Warped
    Natalie

    I am either 9 and a half weeks, or 7 and a half weeks pregnant (I just found out and haven’t gone to the doctor yet). I have just recently told the father, and among other things he mentioned that if i kept the baby and he told his parents, that he would be kicked out (we’re both 20, but I live on my own but am still living under the financial support of my parents while I attend school). Now, I am pro-choice, but I could never personally get an abortion (and I have felt this way for a long time). I am also adopted and have several issues to do with that. I’ve gone through years of therapy just to attempt to deal with my feelings about being adopted, and there is a very small possibility that I will ever find my biological family… I can’t imagine that anyone could cherish this baby as much as I would, and I just don’t think I can do it… The baby wouldn’t exactly have the typical ‘normal’ family life if I were to keep it, but just thinking about adoption literally makes my heart ache… Am I selfish to not want to put my baby up for adoption (yes even open adoption) because of this?I’m so confused, plz help :ermm:

    #10854
    Julie
    JulieB

    I don’t think you are selfish if you are truly motivated by your child’s best interests. It can be difficult to wrestle through all these issues. I’m sorry that you’ve had a lot of issues with being adopted. I’m sure that both your sets of parents do love you very much. Please remember that plenty of non-adopted people spend years in therapy trying to resolve their problems, too…there are no guarantees either way. But if you make a decision that is based on your child’s needs, and not yours, I think you will make the right decision – whatever it is. And take your time with this decision – there is no hurry!

    #10856

    Anonymous

    No I do not think you are selfish. I just think you are very emotional and confussed at this point.You did not say but I get the impression that maby you had a rogh childhood that caused your feelings about being adopted.But let me speak as a mother whose child was adopted by her daddy.(He is not her biological father but you could never tell a difference we were always honest with her about that fact)and as awomen who wants to adot and has a pastor and hs wife that adoption is their only chance to be parents.If you have any doubts that somone would cherrish your baby as much as you would let me urge you to pray about the decesion and look at choices that would keep you involved to a degree.Their are people who cherrish them as mujch if not more than a biological child because adoption is a heart choice.We are foster parents and every time a child comes to me and leaves they take a peice of my heart that will always be theirs .I have 6 adopted siblings and each one of them is as preshis to me as my biological syblings.I would not have my husband today if his mom had not been adoted.I would not have the wonderful pastor that I have today if it had not been for adoption.Praise GOD that you would not and have not considered abortion please give the baby life.
    You are at a togh spot I know. I was older when I was in the same spot you are in adoption was not an option for me but I had a good job and a wonderful support sytem in my family and church.You are going to face many difficult decesions in the next few months you just need to take the time to weigh each one carefully.Can you provide even the basic necessities of life for this little one, are you ready for sleepless nights and trying to work and go to school.Whatr if the baby has coloic and cries for 6 months these are all thing s that you have to consider.But do not forget that adoption is not a cop out it is a wonderful choice that takes a strong and brave youg women and man that knows that they can’t at this stage in their life provide what a baby needs but they can provide asomone that longs to parent and has tried and know that adoption is GODs plan A for their life
    Always remeber no matter what you do it takes love to do eithe rbut sometimes I think it takes more love for the innocent child to know that you can not do wha they need and to make the choice to be the mom that carried them under their heart for nine months and let somene who has carried them in their hear for a life time parent them.
    I know the decesions you have to face I speak freom experience on both sides of the issue.If you mak e the decesion to place the baby for adotion do not think of yourself as week but as strong.We were in the middle of a private adoption in 03/05 I wne to Dr. visitsand evrything we were at he hospital with paper signed we held Caleb for 8 hours that day and feed him the next you could have never seen two more excited parents.the biological mothe rchanged her mind on day two and he went in to foster care until she could cure a drug problem,get addaquit housing and a job, we were devistated today Caleb is being raised by an extended family member of the mom because she still has not gotten things together.So when I tell you I speak from both sides I do.I hope I have helped in some way I feel your pain and wil pray for you that you can have a clear mind to make the decesion that is wright for you.Please feel free to contact me.I would ove to be an ear for you.Beth

    #10859
    JazminsMomma
    Brittany

    Absolutely not. A baby is a precious gift and shouldn’t be taken for granted. My dad was adopted and now at 40 we finally found his biologiacal family. And abortion and personally am against it. Sweety now a days their is no such thing as a "normal" family. A family is what you make out of it. I know you will love this baby and that’s all it takes. A mothers love. Good luck and i hope i can help.

    #10874
    Warped
    Natalie

    JazminsMomma wrote:

    Absolutely not. A baby is a precious gift and shouldn’t be taken for granted. My dad was adopted and now at 40 we finally found his biologiacal family. And abortion and personally am against it. Sweety now a days their is no such thing as a "normal" family. A family is what you make out of it. I know you will love this baby and that’s all it takes. A mothers love. Good luck and i hope i can help.

    Thanks, I really needed to hear something like that from someone else. Thanks for all your help everyone 🙂

    #10902
    scottybigheart
    Scott

    Are you being selfish absolutely not! I can see why you want this baby and i can guarentee you that you wont regret it no matter what happens with your relationship or family matters.

    I am a 27 year old male and when i first heard that my ex wife was pregnant i was only thinking of my freedom going out the door. After the baby was born and to this date watch him grow up i undoubtedly say to everyone that it is the best thing in life that has happened to me and that having your child come up to you wanting you , hugging you and further on saying they love you is so preciouse that words can’t describe.

    So go for it girl what ever happens you will be right and the happyness that your child will bring you will be wonderfull.

    Hope all goes well ScottyBigheart. 🙂

    #10903

    Anonymous

    You are not being selfish at all! You know how adoption feels since you were adopted so you know more about it than most. I got pregnant at 17 and my dad and stepmom really tried pushing me into adoption. I just couldn’t get an abortion so adoption and keeping my son were my only options. I chose to keep my son though, I got kicked out but I knew that I would keep my son despite anything that happened. He is now 19 months today and I do NOT regret my choice in raising him!! He has a twenty year old mom and dad who can run after him and give him piggy back rides and chase him through grocery stores. We have an advantage over older parents, we don’t get tired as easily and things like that. He also has young grandparents who can still play with him and he even has a great relationship with his GREAT-grandparents! I couldn’t imagine my life without him and being a mother has been the greatest gift I’ve ever recieved. My son is now going to be a big brother soon, he’ll have a little sister to watch over. Good luck with everything, this child is all yours, your nurturing him/her and you know whats best for him/her. I think you’ll make a great decision no matter what. Do what YOU want and make choices you won’t regret, I have absolutely no regrets.

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