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March 29, 2011 at 6:49 am #28120Anonymous
[i]Ok, just to make sure this is VERY clear. It’s not about me, this is about one of my friends.
Pretty much this is the situation: She’s had a couple of pregnancy scares and everything (like me) and she’s also helped raise her little sister who is now three years old :’) Bless. Her little sisters name is Abbey ♥ Anyways, obviously she’s been thinking about it for a little while because she sounded so sure when she told me today about it. She thinks she is ready for a baby! She doesn’t even have a boyfriend for crying out loud! ..Well she does have “someone” but they aren’t official or anything :/ They’re kinda just f**k buddies at the moment really. But yeah, she told me that she’s considering getting “pregnant on purpose” because she wants a baby so bad and that she didn’t care if her “person” was there for her or not.
…I didn’t really know what to say I was kinda just standing there with a stunned look on my face for like five minutes while she was explaining haha. So I didn’t really get a chance to tell her my opinion before class began again (we had seperate classes today). So I’m kinda greatful that I have some time to think about what I’m gunna tell her but I really have no idea what I should say cause I don’t wanna hurt her feelings or for her to be mad at me :S
So do you have any advice on what I could tell her? Something that she doesn’t already know, because she obviously knows that raising a baby is hard since she brought up her little sister with her mum. But yeah, any advice? Everything is welcome ♥[/i]March 30, 2011 at 8:05 am #28123Dorkneetah
Tell her to smarten up.
However girls like this are blind…completely. You could talk them to death about the consequences, show them people who had kids young, show/express the problems with it…and they still would not see it! They float on a magic cloud of self confidence that they are super mom. And hell for all we know she really is super mom, but for all we know…she’ll get kicked in the butt and thrown the the ground once as reality hits. I am personally choosing the number two option as most likley.
All you can really do is discourage her. Tell her, you are in fact friends but you do not think it is wise for her to have a baby. From the sounds of it, she will probably get pregnant in the soon future. When and if that time comes, continue discouraging parenting and suggest an open adoption to her as her pregnancy continues. Be a good friend and be with her, support her and love her but do not put foolish and unreal expectations in her head.
Good luck to you and your friend, from the girl with the similar mindset of your friend.
xoxoMarch 30, 2011 at 9:50 am #28127MaiaVasiliovich
Well. This is an interesting one, a conundrum to be sure. She does already know that raisng a baby is hard work, but does she know that she’ll have the added stress of healing after childbirth, hormones, and post-mortem depression? Unlikely. If she doesn’t care that the father won’t stick around, that is NOT a good thing. To be able to have a child and be able to raise it while maintaining your sanity, you need someone to be there for you. Besides, what’s stopping this guy from going “Wait, I don’t want to be a father.” and saying the baby isn’t his? Nothing. Then she has to deal with the whole she-sleeps-around thing pinned on her. That’s not the worst part of it. That child has to grow up not knowing who his/her father is. I grew up mostly without my mother there, and that was INCERDIBLY hard. Especially if she has a boy, there will be no father figure aroung to help him. I’ve seen this scenario play out a million times before: girl wants baby, thinks she knows what she’s up for, finds out it’s much harder, baby gets adopted out or raised in a terrible position, and by that I mean bouncing beetween relaitves. Try showing her the cost of having a child, I saw it on Dr. Phil once. I think for one baby alone is around $18 000 U.S. And that’s basic necessities. It would help if she had relatives that could foot some, but for the most part it’s her paying. It would be really nice if she could get herself into a relationship with a man that wanted that and was ready to back her, but sometimes that doesn’t happen. If she is absolutely dead set, not-taking-no-for-an-answer wanting a baby, there is not much anyone can do about it. Just tell her what she’s up for, and support her whether she succseeds or fails. One can’t really fail at being a parent, but base it on the problems above. And if she does the best thing and says she will wait, be beside her telling her that she did the right thing. Either way, just be a friend, for it is friends that can be there for us during our brightest days and that can help us during our darkest hours. It takes one good friend to change a life. Be that friend, and it will turn out alright. I hope this helped!!April 2, 2011 at 2:36 pm #28138Anonymous
[i]First of all, thank you for your advice (: It made it a lot easier to talk to my friend about what she told me (:
Firstly, Dorkneetah: Thank you for the advice ! I think that she understands now (after I explained) that she is not in the right place to have a baby. She has at least agreed to wait until she was out of high school (December this year) and until she had a steady boyfriend until she was going to start trying for a baby and she was going to be sure it was something that they BOTH wanted. You could be right, she could be super mom or she could panic when she sees the amount of responsibility a baby brings. But, like I said, she has had experience with raising her little sister, Abbey. Admittingly, Abbey wasn’t a newborn when she started helping to raise her (she was about one) but she still has some experience with young children, which is better than none at all I guess. If she does become pregnant in the near or distant future then I will support what she wants to do 100% and not try to manipulate her in any way. It’s her life, she can choose what to do with it. I am her friend, but I’m not here to make all her decisions for her, I’m just here to give her advice and to be there when she needs me the most. But hopefully she will wait until she is out of high school until she has a baby, but if not, then I will be there for her 100% of the way (:
Maia: She has no idea about the healing process after having a baby or any of the side effects that could accompany it. She is completely oblivious to all of this. I talked to her about it and she has definitely decided to research into it some more (a wise decision) before she has a baby. The last thing she wants is to have a baby but be unable to care for it herself due to mental or physical problems. But like I said, she’s made a promise to me and so far she seems serious about it, so that has to be a good thing (: But if she does become pregnant, then I’ll be there for her no matter what. Friends are there for each other through thick and thin, no matter what the situation may be (:
So yes, thank you for the advice everyone ! It has helped my friend AND me too. And so far she seems to be serious about her promise to me, but I’ll keep y’all updated if anything changes or develops (:
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