adoption or be a mom

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  • #15322
    kelly_kurcz

    im 18 and a licensed estheticain. im 23 weeks and the father cant make up his mind. my dad is a pastor, i come from a strong christian upbringing and i guess you could say im the rebellious one. i really want this baby but i do get cold feet. my parents will support whatever decision but they want me to adopt. now the arguments both ways are really strong and i agree…but im caught in the middle..so confused..if you have any opinions or ideas please respond.

    #15342
    lisa

    Hi there! I’m Lisa and I am from the Stand Up Girl website.

    Can I ask you … what does YOUR heart want? Firstly – you are 23 weeks pregnant and I’m sure by now you are ‘feeling’ the movement of your baby. I truly believe that adoption is a wonderful and beautiful choice. There are also different kinds of adoption.

    There is ‘opened adoptions’ where you can keep in touch with the family, or some families would allow maybe 1 or 2 visits in the first year … or you can get photos mailed to you to just kind of be kept ‘up to date’ on how wonderfully happy your baby is.

    Ultimately – it definitely is up to you and it is your decision. Adoption can be difficult – but at the very same time very freeing and very beautiful!

    My Sr. Pastor and his wife adopted 2 babies. They can’t have any babies and I will tell you … these precious little ones are loved to pieces and treated like gold.

    Remember – YOU get to select the adoptive parents and YOU get to make the choices.

    My dear friend – whatever decision you make … adoption or keeping and parenting your baby – you are a wonderful and loving mommy! Your heart is as warm and safe as any mommy’s heart could ever be. Why? Because you are truly thinking about ‘what is best for my baby’? And you are taking the time and considering 2 very important and loving options.

    I would encourage you to pray about it … but don’t be afraid to maybe even venture out. Interview some couples. Don’t feel that you HAVE TO MAKE AN ADOPTION COMITTMENT. You know? You can interview some couples and still … you can decide to keep your baby.

    It sounds like your parents are really being a wonderful support. Lean on them. They love you and I know they love their grandbaby too.

    OK?

    Please feel free to e-mail me at the site any time you like. OK?

    I’m here for you.

    Luv Lisa

    #15391
    kelly_kurcz

    thanks alot for that. its hard to find friends that support adoption it somethimes feels like if choose that ill lose my friends. so i appreciate it more than you know. kelly

    #15406
    bweber

    look in to your heart and listen to it…don’t let the people around you make a decision that you will reagret…and if ur family will support you in the choice you make, don’t let their opinions change what you want to do….and if decide to give up the baby, there is open adoption which lets you keep in contact with the baby and the family that has him/her….good luck in whatever you choose….

    #15445
    mommyda

    Wow, you have a lot going on right now and making a decision like this is the most hardest thing any one can do. I have a lot of friends that have put their babies up for adoption, I didn’t think about it when I had my son I know that I could never be strong if I did it my self. But for some people it is the best decision they ever made. I don’t think being christian has any thing to do with the choice you make, it is up to you not your parent’s or your friends. The father and you have a lot of talking to do but make sure you make a decision that you can live with. Please don’t make this choice because of fear the only way to over come fear is by doing it… Good luck and I hope whatever you do makes you happy!!!

    #15502
    Meg11

    I respect the fact that your choice is to keep the baby or adopt. My question is now that you have found yourself in this spot if you adopt the baby are you going to learn from this? A girl in my town lost her virginity on a night of irrational thinking, got pregnant , and has put her daughter in a good home. the people who adopted her allow visits from her . She will always be known as a "friend of the family" untill her daughter is an adult and mature enough to handle the truth. Since this change in her life she no longer puts herself in an environment to make poor decisions. And she has learned from this. So my prayer for you is that you would either keep the baby and walk a tough but rewarding road of reprocussions or that you would place this baby in a home that cannot conceive a child. But regardless of your decission may you truly press into the Lord, learn a lesson, and see Gods grace all around you 🙂 God Bless

    #15710
    kgirlsmith

    It all comes down to two things:
    1. What can you live with?
    2. What is best for your baby?

    It sounds like you will have support from your parents so that is a good thing! Our pastor’s son’s girlfriend got pregnant at ~16 and the pastor and his wife really stepped up as well as our whole church. We all helped with their little boy.
    So….I guess it comes back to what can you live with:
    financially, emotionally, what you’ll be giving up, what you’ll be getting. Nobody can answer that but you.

    #2 – The most selfish thing that a mom can do is pick what is best for her baby even when she knows it’ll hurt her. No matter what you choose, it’ll hurt you in some way….loss of your youth/young adult years in a manner you’d dreamed, emotionally, financially, etc…..if you keep the baby and

    mostly emotionally if you choose to show your love for your baby for selecting just the right family to love and raise the little one.

    No real answer – it is the most difficult decision you’ll make this year, maybe the most for year or for forever!

    Since it sounds like you are a Christian, know that the Lord knew this baby before conception and He has a plan for this baby even if you didn’t plan to become a mom now. Pray, be still, seek His plan for your life and for your baby’s life – either choice you make.

    If you choose adoption, put all your energy into finding the type of family you desire for your baby – the kind that the Lord would desire for the baby. Seek the type of adoption you’d like – closed or open. Get photos and letters and even visits occasionally if that will make it easier.

    If you choose to parent, put your energy into doing the very best you can. Either choice is a choice of love…. It is just a very difficult choice.

    Know that no matter what, God will still love you. He’ll give you the strength you need – even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

    A friend of mine who is the mother of one 2 year old litle girl just had a 2nd baby in February. She decided that the best thing for the baby was adoption – why? She already has her hands full and has realized how difficult (even with family support) it is togive her daughter everything she wants her to have and she wanted to be able to cotinue to do the best she can with her 2 year old while also making the choice that her new baby would have everything she needs. She found a Christian family a few towns away. They have already sent photos and my friend will be able to keep in touch.

    my 2 cents.

    #15715
    Mommyof2babies

    Adoption is a very loving alternative..theres a possbility that i’m preg again and my youngest is only 3 mos old..we’ve decided if i am preg that we are going to let my cousin adopt the baby..it would be best for everyone and she wants another baby but she cant have anymore kids..she has a 12 yr old and a 6 yr old twin girls. i hope you listen to your heart..my son is 3 mos and my daughter will be 2 may 25th.

    #16071
    Julie

    You are this baby’s mother, and you have to make this choice based on what you belive is best for your child. Not on what feels best for you, or what your parents, church or friends expect. If you make your choice based on what is best for him/her, I believe you will make the right choice.

    My husband and I adopted our son. His mother chose adoption because she wanted him to have a father and knew that she wasn’t yet prepared to be the kind of mother she wanted him to have. We became friends and stay in touch. She is doing really well. But she made her choice herself, based on his best interests. I believe that, if she had been forced into adoption, or had done so to please someone else, the outcome wouldn’t be so good.

    I just want you to know that, if you choose an adoptive family for your child, they will love him every bit as much as you will. I have an adopted son and a ‘homemade’ daughter, and there is no difference in our love for them.

    #16074
    meyerz12191

    When I first was pregnant i thought of adoption. But then i thought im only going to live this life once and Im going to have only one first child. I know the minute you look in your childs eyes you will feel a love for him or her and know thatd youd do anything for him or her. You have a job that you are licensed for and a supporting family. I belive and have faith that you and your baby would make it. It is your choice and Im sure if you follow your heart you will come to the right decision. 😉

    #16080
    sibzy

    THE LOVE OF A CHILD IS A LOVE YOU CAN NEVER REPLACE. ITS A LOVE THAT CAN MAKE EVERY STRUGLE IN LIFE WORTHWHILE.

    THIS CHILD IS ALREADY A PART OF YOU AND LETTING IT GO MIGHT MAKE YOU LOSE A BIT OF YOURSELF.

    EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON AND A UNEXPECTED PREGNANCY IS A MIRACLE OF LIFE AND A NEW LOVE WAITING TO BLOSSOM.

    THERE ARE NEVER ANY REGRETS WITH CHILDREN BECAUSE EVERY GIGGLE OR SMILE MAKES IT ALL SEEM WORTH WHILE.

    I LET MY CHILD GO AND MY HEART IS BROKEN, I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO REPLACE HER LOVE. I WILL HAVE MORE CHILDREN BUT HER LOVE WILL ALWAYS BE MISSING.

    TRUST YOUR HEART.

    ONLY YOU CAN MAKE THIS DECISION…

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