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October 1, 2007 at 8:29 pm #18895Amber18
Hi im new just found this site.
Basically i’ve had the worst year of my life. I started seeing this guy over a year ago and we had only been together about 4 months and i found out a iwas pregnant. At the time i was only just 17 and didnt take the news very well. i hid it from everything tried to sort it all myself but by the time i came to terms with it it was to late to do anything. In about May my parents found out and my boyfriend dumped me and left me when i was about 7 months pregnant. In July i had the baby and had decidest to go ahead with adoption i thought it was the best thing to do. I’ve only seen her 3 times since she was born and she is perfect.
I’ve spent the last 3 months confused and alone. She’s all i think about and i feel terrible for just giving up on her. I’ve gone through the hole thing alone. My parents have supported me as much as they can. Now its come to the time when i have to make the fnal decision. If she’s going to be adopted its gotta be now.
But i dunno if i want her adopted anymore, part of me wants to keep her. Im only 18 and dont think i can cope on my own what with working and college and looking after a baby. But i dunno if i can get over it and move on if i give her up for good.October 1, 2007 at 8:51 pm #18897Hermia2012
like i tell everyone.. you can do only what you set your mind to… if you love you child and dont want to give her up then dont… and if you think that would be what is best for her then do that… and if you want her in your life see if you can find a person or couple that will do an open adoption…. that way you can still see her and watch her grow up through pictures and letters and maybe visits…. that is always an option… but follow you heart and do what you think is right.. that is the only and best thing that you can do for your baby..
email me… email@example.comOctober 2, 2007 at 4:52 am #18907alexanders_mama
Of course she’s your baby, of course you could raise her. 18 is adult age, and lots of women 200 years ago had children far before then, and managed to do a damn good job at raising their kids. And lots of women who have children in their teens these days do a damn good job at raising them too (I for one can’t think of myself as a bad mother, and I had my son at 17).
You probably will not be able to cope with working and going to college at the same time, you will have to pick one. But wouldn’t that be a good enough sacrifice for your daughter to be able to be raised and near her real birth mother everyday?
I know college and children are possible, because I cope. And what’s more, i enjoy it, and I could never imagine not having my son near me everyday, and I’m sure he wouldn’t imagine it either. Other women do it too, and they’re not superwomen either.
Whatever you put your mind to, you can do.:)
I wish you all the best. Follow your heart.October 3, 2007 at 7:47 am #18916vtdavis
Hey Amber, So glad you wrote your post! I’m an adoptive mom, and the nurse for the site. I just want you to know, that I understand your feelings. My 6 yo is adopted, and I know his birth-mom went through hell at first. But she is my hero!!! She had a rough time the first 3 years, but now she is married and has a little girl. We have an open adoption…I wanted it that way (and so did she). I think it is so important for my son to know who his "other family" is! It’s really fun now, because he knows he is special because he has 2 mom’s and he feels sorry for kids who don’t. His birth-mom is more like a big sister now, or an aunt.
Will this adoption situation be open? And did you get counseling from the agency so you KNOW you are doing the right thing (whether it’s parenting or continuing with the adoption?) Your feelings are normal and understandable! You can write to me if you like at Vicki@standupgirl.com I’m really proud of you!!! Whether you parent or place, you are a hero for doing the most loving thing for your precious baby. Blessings!October 3, 2007 at 8:32 am #18918breathless
Before I say anything else there is something you really need to know. You said that "She’s all i think about and i feel terrible for just giving up on her." You DID NOT give up on her!! You gave her life and you’re trying to do the best you can for her, that is not giving up. You are approaching this as a strong woman and I congratulate you on that. I am only fifteen years old and any day now I am having my son who I’ve decided to keep, this will be a challenge for me but I chose life for him, and I’ve chosen to keep him because I believe that is what is best for him, and whatever decision you come too, I know it will be in her best interest. I am so happy to hear you gave your child life, that is the best thing you could’ve done. I wish you the best of luck hun, stay strong and you can do this!!
-AnnaOctober 4, 2007 at 1:15 am #18933Amber18
Erm with the adoption i may be able to have very little contact letters etc but that is all. I have been having counselling atm which i recieved from Social services i i got a grant to have 8 sessions free.
Thanks for all the comments it really helps. I just hope i can come to a decision soon because its not fair on her she’s almost 3 months and not really knowing anything. Would help if her rather would grow up and take some resonsibility but that will never happen!October 5, 2007 at 1:32 am #18942bweber
hun i know how hard it is to be 18 with a baby, i am doing it. and i also know the other side of the adoption thing because i was adopted when i was little, my birth parents were really young and i was the 4th baby they had and they couldnt take care of us so they decide to let us go and i am now back in contact with them both and it hurt them so much to let us go butbeing so young with 4 kids they just couldnt do it, but that doesnt mean they didnt love us…….im not saying give her up or keep her and not be able to take care of her im just saying follow ur heart!…keeping her may make it harder and take a little langer to get into college but u can do it, i am still trying (i had my baby june 2nd of this year and got married feb 2nd of this year)….October 5, 2007 at 4:46 pm #18947Amber18
hun i know how hard it is to be 18 with a baby, i am doing it. and i also know the other side of the adoption thing because i was adopted when i was little, my birth parents were really young and i was the 4th baby they had and they couldnt take care of us so they decide to let us go and i am now back in contact with them both and it hurt them so much to let us go butbeing so young with 4 kids they just couldnt do it, but that doesnt mean they didnt love us…….im not saying give her up or keep her and not be able to take care of her im just saying follow ur heart!…keeping her may make it harder and take a little langer to get into college but u can do it, i am still trying (i had my baby june 2nd of this year and got married feb 2nd of this year)….
Thanks a lot. That helps a lot. Was ment to see social worker today but she’s cancelled.October 15, 2007 at 9:41 pm #19070loveU
You should do what you think is best for your daughter. I know I can love and support my daughter so I am keeping her. But if I even for a second thought she would have to do without or be in pain I would give her to someone who could definately take care of her. I can tell you really love her and that may mean letting her go if you have to. Good Luck
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