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January 18, 2008 at 4:51 am #20229Mommieofchris
So my whole family that i live with treats my son pretty bad, and its them who takes care of him while i work, so i turned to his father, he has a clean house, but he lives with his girlfriend, and her dad.. they have ONE three person truck.. hes not working, he’s living off of them, and i hardly get to see him son when he’s out there because he lives a town over, (thirty min’s from me) i dont know what to do, its so hard to give my son to him, because first of all not being able to see him much.. and because i cant stand the thought of girl trying to parent my child.. any advice.. i really dont know what to do, i cant even get my son into daycare because the state wont help me, and the father isnt working.January 19, 2008 at 12:30 am #20241Meg11
So is your son living there or just being babysat there?? If he is living there is it full time or every other week?? I know how hard it is to have the father’s girlfriend in the picture, especially when she doesn’t have children you tend to question even more if she is capable of taking care of your son…I am in the same boat, my son goes with his dad every other weekend and most of the time it is his girlfriend who picks him up, the thing you need to keep in mind is what is best for your son, does his dad drink, smoke, do drugs and if so does he do it around him?? Write a list of pro’s and cons about your family’s messy house versus the dad’s house, sometimes it is better to be in a dirty house then be exposed to bad things and other times it is better to trust a woman you want nothing to do with then have your child in a messy house, it all depends o the circumstances and what is best for your son, I just found out my sons dad and girlfriend got engaged, last time she dropped him off I had her come in and we talked, I told her I understood the difficulties of being a stepparent (I have a 3 year old stepson) I made myself available to her to ask questions without feeling criticized about not having kids and not knowing anything about them, I let her know that I want her and my son to have a healthy relationship and that if I can help in any way I would do so, we let his dad know the same thing, even though we do not agree fully with their choices and smoking around my son and all you have to pick and choose your battles, if you warm up to them and let your guard down it may take time but they will be more willing to work with you when it comes to areas you do not agree with, that is my approach at least, now that they don’t feel threatened by me I will bring up the smoking thing…also if you can try to set an example in your own house by keeping things clean and by gently expressing your feelings about a better way to treat your son, like rather than telling him what he can’t do all the time tell him what he can do, give suggestions of how you are raising him and how you felt as a kid if they don’t remember how they felt, make sure that you are keeping a good eye on your son and that he is not giving reason to be treated badly (not that any kids deserves to be treated badly but the more behaved they are the less it should happen)Other than that PRAY PRAY PRAY!!! I know how hard it is to be a single mom, I was for 4 1/2 years, this too shall pass and it will be on to the next hurdle in life, just try your best to make peace with all parties and it may take a while but they will eventually treat you and your son better and you will feel more comfortable about him being either place…this weekend I am sending my son with a care package, last time he was sick and they couldn’t take his temperature or go to the store because the girlfriend was at work and they only have one car, I am buying them a thermometer and some various meds and bandaids and stuff and rather than saying, here you go people who don’t know how to take care of kids I will say, I know how hard it is to not have a vehicle and have a sick kid, I hope this will bless you so that next time you don’t have to worry about getting to the store you can just stay home and rest…it is all about how you say things and the example you set…do it with a genuine heart and they will eventually follow your lead and if nothing else your son will see that and know that you did your best…Love Meg
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