This topic contains 12 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by Reyes Mdz .
- May 13, 2007 at 3:02 am #17285
ok this might be a little long but i have a lot on my mind now and right now i could really use some valid advice. so if youre here to judge me- dont bother to even say anything to me i have enough that i am dealing with right now. i am 17 and almost 35 weeks pregnant with a little girl who im naming Destiny Raine. Her due date is on june-17-07. ok, her father and i were together when i got pregnant she was not planned but no child in my opinion is any type of mistake. he wanted me to get an abortion even tried pressuring me into one and i couldnt bring myself to kill an innocent life inside of me. so after a while [months and months] he warmmed up to the idea of being called Daddy. we grew apart as the months went on and at first i thought it was because i was pregnant and i couldnt exactly "party" like we were both used to. but it turns out he was trying to find the perfect excuse to leave me here all alone. but he still planned on being in Destinys live [ which was a relif in itself] so in the beginning of january he decided he didnt wanna be tied down for the rest of his life and broke it all off with me. 🙁 about 2 or 3 weeks later i made the worst decision i have ever made [ i slept with one of his good friends] and later on he found out about , and blew up on me. totally freaked out! then the next day he called me which i knew wouldnt be good he told me he doesnt know who else i slept with and hes not taking responsibility of a child that isnt his and after shes born he wants a paternity test done. I NEVER CHEATED ON HIM, I LOVED HIM AND IM NOT THAT TYPE OF PERSON, i thought he knew that. before i could even get 1 word in he had already hung up on me. so his mom called me the next day and was being very rude to me telling me basically that i am a slut and the shower we were planning was over and she called all the people she had invited and told them -my business- which really mad me mad because i am not proud of what i did in the least. i was absolutely histarical i could barely speak or breathe, i then told her i had to go and hung up on her. after i got back home around 9 she called me back crying telling me she feels horrible for upsetng me like she did and that she believes me now and that she will still throw me the shower but she still wants a paternity test. she obviously really doesnt believe me then if she still wants one done, am i right? i said ‘well what if the baby comes out looking like ethan[destinys daddy] and she said well what if she comes out looking like mike[the kid i slept with one time]i was really pissed now. i said to her " the baby gets the genes from its mother and father not sum-1 who took place 5 months later" and she said i dont need a brush up on biology im not stupid.. and my mistake was saying to her "you obviously are stupid if you think my baby is gunna come out looking like mike" then she said"well im done trying sam, now were back to square one"
i just dont know what to do about any of this.. HELPPPP!:dry:May 13, 2007 at 2:47 pm #17286
Wow, Honey I’m so sorry about all of that– It’s sad that they don’t believe you, but this is likely an extremely emotional experience for them as well. It may be best to go ahead with a paternity test when the baby is born just so that all minds are at ease. It would be the *best* thing if they realized that you hadn’t cheated on your boyfriend, but these are the consequences that you have to face now for sleeping with Mike.
I’ll be praying for you! Keep us updated, and let us know when your baby is born!
JMay 13, 2007 at 4:47 pm #17288
i think you shouldn’t be stressed out about it ( i know easier said than done) i think you should just tell them "u know what? if u want a paternity test, i’ll give u that just so u could actually realize how stupid u r, i loved him and never cheated on him, so we’ll just sit around and wait till that paternity comes back and then ur apology to me" cuz in ur heart u kno u didn’t cheat so don’t argue wit them cuz that makes it seem like u scared of takin the paternity test, so just tell them u ok wit that. when u take that paternity test and the results come back, ur pride is still standing and their tails will b between their tails.
good luck girl and don’t stress it. remember us women can do it all, things that men would never survive alone, we do… keep ur head up
Debbie;)May 14, 2007 at 2:27 am #17299
I can’t tell you what to do regarding the emotional side of all this, especially with his mom, etc.
As for the legal aspect, here’s what I would do. Don’t bring up the subject of paternity any further and don’t respond to anyone making comments about it. Disregard any notion that the baby is anyone’s but the father. Put his name on the birth certificate and go for child support. IF his bunch chooses to deny paternity, force them to take you to court and/or pay for the test themselves (expensive). Most likely they’re bluffing and want you to pay for it or just drop it and him get away without responsibility. If he doesn’t pay child support, you might have a fight on your hands. The judge will order the test done if he disputes paternity in a child support case. That’s up to you if you want to pursue it. In other words, don’t stoop to their level, remain cool about it, and go about life as if no one had any qualms about the paternity. They might be blowing hot air.May 14, 2007 at 3:44 am #17301
I would just consent to the paternity test and show them all the truth. It is sad that they don’t believe you but it will only be a few more weeks and then you can clear everything up and I am sure Ethan and his mother will feel extremely remorseful for the stress they are putting on you. As for dating (including Ethan) be careful about who you expose your child too. It is fine to date and I encourage you to do so, just with cation. I started dating a friend from high school right after my son was born and he seemed serious about me. I even allowed my son to spend time with his mother because she insisted ( I felt uncomfortable but wanted her to approve of me). He broke up with me out of the blue and it hurt so bad. I felt like I was so distracted from that pain that though I cared for all of my son’s needs I was emotionally detached from him. I also felt guilt for allowing him to spend so much time with people who just disappeared out of his life. Needless to say, I did it differently the second time I decided to date. I didn’t let my boyfriend meet my son til we had been together for 3 months. I didn’t have sex with him until we were engaged. Now we are getting married the 26th of this month 😉 Always put your baby forst and you will be making the right decisions.May 14, 2007 at 5:23 am #17302
I HAD THE SAME PROBLEM 2. MY DAUGHTER WAS BORN APRIL 5TH 2007, AND THE WHOLE NINE MONTHS HE DIDNT GO TO DRS. APPOINTMENT AND STUFF LIKE THAT HE WASNT EVEN THERE TO SEE HER BORN. WELL I HAD QUIT SLEEPING WITH HIM WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT BECAUSE HE WAS SELFISH AND THOUGHT ABOUT HIMSELF. WELL THATS WHEN HE TOLD ME HE WANTED A DNA TEST, AT THE TIME I WAS LIKE HELL NO BUT I KEPT THINKING IF I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE THEN Y NOT. IN OHIO THE TEST R FREE SO I WENT ON AHEAD AND GAVE IT TO HIM.WELL WHEN I CALLED AND TOLD HIM ABOUT HER BEING BORN HE DENYED IT. SHE WAS BORN WITH GREY EYES AND STRAIGHT BLACK HAIR. WELL WE WENT TO TAKE THE TEST WHEN SHE WAS 2 WKS OLD. BUT A WEEK BEFOREW THAT I CALLED HIM UP SO THAT HE COULD MEET HER AND RIGHT OFF THE BAT HE DENYED HER BECAUSE OF HER FEATURES. HIS FAMILY DENYED HER AND THINGS LIKE THAT. WELL HE STARTED ACTING LIKE DADDY THIS AND DADDY THAT EVEN BEFORE THE TEST CAME BACK, THREATING ME AND STUFF. SO ANYWAY THE TEST CAME BACK AND S’RAYI PROVED TO BE HIS. I MADE HIM APOLIGIZE TO ME AND HER BEACUSE OF THE HELL HE PUT ME THROUGH. BUT IF U HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE AND U KNOW FOR A FACT THAT SHE IS HIS GIVE HIM THE TEST TO MAKE HIM AND HIS FAMILY LOOK AND FEEL STUPID. THATS WHAT I DID AND THEY COME AND GET HER EVERY WEEKEND AND BUY HER THE THINGS THAT SHE NEEDS AND LOVE HER LIKE SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE LOVED. GOOD LUCKMay 14, 2007 at 7:05 am #17305
Well I am sorry that you have to go through the whole experience of a paternity test….I am going to share my story with you to hopefully make you laugh and so that you dont feel so alone….I found out that I was pregnant the day before April fools day (March 31) I took a test with the dad at my house so that if it was positive I didnt have to find out alone…He an I go pretty far back….when I was pregnant with my first my mom killed herself and I found her…Jimmy (my sons dad…guy in this story) came in and rescued me out of the situation and we began dating…we didnt last….I ended up back with my daughters dad when she was born but that didnt last either…so Jimmy and I got back together…so back to April Fools Day…I went to the police department in town to eat lunch with a friend of mine who worked there and I had already told my other friend (a homsexual) and as he was leaving he gave me a hug and patted my tummy….my friend asked me what that was all about…so…me being a jokester said "well I am pregnant" and she said "who is the dad" and I looking back at my homosexual friend told her "who do you think" insinuating that it was him….then I told her April Fools….well the joke quickly spread through the whole police department….(a small town of 2000 people only has a handful of cops) and soon Jimmy and his parents were informed of the "April Fools Joke" they didnt think it was funny…..Jimmy dropped out of my life completely and his dad and stepmom were standoffish for quite a while….they already loved my daughter and they told me "whether or not this baby is our blood we will love it" It hurt me so bad because I knew the truth and I felt so dumb for making a joke like that….Jimmys mom and stepdad didnt flintch though…I was going to church with them and they were dissapointed that we got pregnant out of wedlock but they belived me and supported me….well I went through my whole pregnancy being the "TOWN JOKE" by myself…..I made the choice to not have sex again until I was married, and I had to deal with the criticism of my "party friends" calling me church girl and judging me for not partying anymore (even after my son was born) and I lost the trust of many people at church because I had been living two lives…church girl..and..party animal….I made the choice to not be a party animal anymore and I quit doing everything…no drugs no alcohol….well after my son was born looking exactly like his dad and I did the whole paternity thing I have never received an apology and I have chose to forgive them all….it was my fault that they didnt belive me…my son is now 2 1/2 and his family loves him on both sides….I know your situation is alittle different but keep looking up….walk on in your life and prepare yourself to be a mommy…..and when the test comes back you will be proved right and whether you ever get an appology or not at least you will be a good mom and you will have learned so much along the way…I can laugh about this now because I have changed so much ….I am not that same girl who made a bad choice…I am a mommy and now a wife who is loved and I dont care what other people think about me because if nothing else…I am saved and going to heaven one day and Jesus loves me and forgave every dumb joke I played and every sin I have or ever will comitt….I hope this helps you cope LOL……MegMay 14, 2007 at 7:54 am #17306
if it were me i would just do the paternity test…. my guess is that when u slept with his friend everyone lost their trust in you, which is kind of understandable from the outside. try put urself in his shoes = hes with someone he loves and thinks the girl (u) love him back but then u guys grow apart and break up and withn 2 weeks u sleep with a friend of his out of the blue. he may feel that he never really knew u, as the person he knew wouldnt be sleeping with his friend… even though u and his friend may seem so insignificant to you… it could be really hurting him. and a baby is going to change his hole life so im sure anyone in his situation would want to know its definitely their baby. its just for their peace of mind and if u dont do it theyre likely to assume that you are hiding something, and ur ex may always doubt whether the baby is his and not be able to fully connect with ur baby like a father shouldMay 15, 2007 at 12:14 am #17312
yeah my sons father and I broke up actually before I found out i was pregnant.. even though i didnt sleep with anyone after him his family contacted a lawyer and didnt have much to do with me until we got a paternity test.. I was a little insulted but i didnt object at all because I didnt want them to take my objection as fear that it wasnt his…i was 100% that he was the father so I told them as long as theyre paying for it we’ll do it so long story short we did the test and it was positive..Im actually glad we did the test so that I know that he can never turn around and doubt me and he can see that Im true to my wordMay 15, 2007 at 12:52 am #17313
I’m sure it got all that much more fun after Mom got involved. They never seem to make anything better in these situations.If you ask me Ethan was just begging for a reason to deny this child, and you mistakenly gave him a BIG chance to do this. I meen how stupid could these people be that they can’t do the math, right? (reffering to how far along you were when you and mike did it and/or when you actally conceived ) I’m just saying that they saw this as an opportunity to deny more than anything. I would deffinatly go get the pat. test as soon as you can because it will put all this poop to rest. They can’t accuse you of anything anymore and they will have to step up in one way or another. If I were you I’d make sure you do everything straightup and as legal as possible. Cuz heaven forbid they tell you to ‘flip off’ even after the test and what not. Know yours and the baby’s rights.May 17, 2007 at 10:27 am #17385
yep, i reckon let him go and get it done…maybe it might make him realise too that he has a child to stick by. Don’t stress about it!May 21, 2007 at 7:57 pm #17424
Rachel Lindsay james
well i think you shud av the test just 2 shut them all up because when it comes out that ethan is the dad they will look very very stupid;)May 21, 2007 at 8:37 pm #17428
Im so devastated at the kind of ignorants you have to put a brave face to!!I got pregnant in March and by April the 20th my baby’s dad called it quits.His allegations were so clear: you are not the right type of woman who suits me( well, the week before he was talking about forming a family and that stuff,but ok..he was 31 and didnt want complications).He wanted me to abort, although he said he would respect my decision…(of course, if IM to have the baby I WILL have the baby no matter his decision).He left afterwards but never doubted he was the father,It wasnt until July that we met again and then he reclaimed a paternity test ( only to prove to the family i guess…)I said i didnt want any further explanation, the baby was only mine and that is!!He said I wouldnt get along with all the rights to exclude him from my baby`s life and thats what I did.I excluded him and his family, had the baby in a secret location, He still wanted the tests and being the dad but i got good advicers…he never called again, My lawers did the rest,honestly, a father is welcome but not vital.Im sure your man did things wrong too so dont let his family get along with murder…in my opinion, you should show them you are so valid you dont need their charity,I may be so rough but i feel it so strong for you.Best wishes.;)
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