5 & 1/2 Months and I need help

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  • #19323
    AvatarWifey_CT

    I know it’s long but please read…

    Me and my bf have been together almost 3 years and I am currently 5 month pregnant with our first baby. His entire family knows aswell as mine, all except one. My dad. I am pretty far along for not having told him. And to top off I am showing. The reason I haven’t told him is because he told me that if I ever got pregnant and was still living in his house he was gonna beat me up and kick me out. Not nice, I know. My bf’s mom is also a b**** because she doesn’t want me to say in her house. She owns 3 houses and 2 apartments and will not rent one to me and my bf because she wants to get all the possible money she can get from them. To top off there his fathers houses but after their divorce he left them to her to take care of until his kids could come and get them. Now she’s talking about selling all of them so her and her bf can just get a small place for the 2 of them and leave my bf out on the street. He has a job but we haven’t been able to save up because he owes $305 to tickets for driving without a seat belt ($70) taking his niece and nephews and her son to his house ($117) for baby on a lap and too many passengers ($117) his other nephew wanted to tag along too. Now we have to figure out a way to pay them and his greedy mom back the money she leant him to pay for the car she sprung on him. I don’t have a job and I can’t find one. He works 3 days a week most of the time. If it rains, he doesn’t work. If somebody shows up whose not supposed to work but wants to work, he doesn’t work. His checks are about $80-114 a week. We can’t rent with that. I need some advice on what to do as far as my housing situation right now. Any advice I will appreciate.

    #19368
    Avatarhealth_hd

    If I were you I would apply for low income housing. My boyfriend and I are actually going to apply for that as well. Low income housing is usually an apartment that is really cheap. You pay as much as you can per month. Like if you only made 400 a month, you would probably only pay about 150 a month to live there. It all depends on how much you make as to how much your rent will be. You should try to get a job at a fast food. Fast food placces are always hiring. I worked at taco bell, mcdonalds and parkers hot dogs. I know that no one likes to work at fast food, but sometimes we just have to, to be able to save money. If you work at fast food 4 days a week for 5 hours a day, you could make about 150 a week, which would then be around 560 (I took tax away) a month. I think that would be the best way to go. I hope I helped. Write to me if you have any other questions. 🙂

    -Heather

    #19389
    AvatarMeg11

    I was so lost when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter (my first) I had no idea what "real life" was…I didn’t know anything about paying bills, rent, budgeting??? I think right now your boyfriend needs to grow up…and honestly you do too…he needs to find a better job and you can find something to do to…I found a job when I was 5 months pregnant with my son, not many people want to hire you because your are so close to having the baby but there are alot of things you can do…babysitting/nanny, retail, hostess in a restaurant, etc… I did laundry at a hotel when I was pregnant both times…I loved it.. no matter what happens you need to have your mind focused on taking care of this baby with your life…even if it means doing it alone…. it sounds like your boyfriend is not making good choices right now, the whole ticket thing, if he is choosing to let someone else work rather than himself he is not going to provide for you and baby how he should…it is hard living with family members who have strings attached to everything…I think your first goal should be to become independent from your dad…go to your local Adult and Family Services Center…look it up in the front of your phone book… you can get food stamps, WIC, housing like Heather mentioned, they have jobs programs to help you or your boyfriend learn more skills for better jobs, they will even pay you to train…they will also help you with money for work clothes and child care…they even have hygiene vouchers to get shampoo and stuff…the state likes to help people that help themselves….if you are taking the right steps to getting a job and having a stable life they will give you many boosts to get you there but you have to take the steps on your own,they can’t do it for you….from the way you describe your boyfriend he may not want to go that route and that is when you will have some major decisions to make, do you want to follow his lead of working bare minimum and getting help from family or do you want to have your own place and not worry about the bills??? You are a mommy and right now is the easy part…you don’t need diapers yet, you don’t need child care yet, you don’t need extra food yet, you don’t need extra laundry soap yet…get what I am saying??? Whether your boyfriend follows your lead or not you need to take a Stand…you need to get your life in order before the baby comes…there will be hard days, there will be bumps but you can get your life stable if you make the efforts, then you won’t have to live in a strings attached environment and that will be better for you and baby…I was a single mom for 4 1/2 years and I survived against all the odds but it is because I Stood Up, found the resources and did my part…I worked, I was mom and dad, I did all the cleaning, cooking, loving, disciplining, bill paying….I had food stamps and help with child care but I was also paying into the system that was helping me….it may be hard to hear but you may have to draw a very bold line with your boyfriend and let him know that he needs to Stand Up and be a man or get out of your way so you can get your life together…and I am sorry if it sounds insensitive to your love for him but if he won’t do those things then your life will stay this way…you and the baby and your boyfriend all deserve to live better than a strings attached life of skimming by….it is not easy but it is very worth it to get your life in order and provide stability for this baby…if you don’t then the chances of your child growing up and living with you and not wanting to work will be much higher, our kids will do what we do , not what we tell them to do…I am here if you need help finding resources or if you want to hear more of my story in detail…I crawled out of a huge pit, I Stood Up when no one would have blamed me for sitting down, and I fought my way to stability, not just for my self but for my kids….let me know how it goes…Love Meg meg@standupgirl.com

    #19391
    AvatarMeg11

    I was so lost when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter (my first) I had no idea what "real life" was…I didn’t know anything about paying bills, rent, budgeting??? I think right now your boyfriend needs to grow up…and honestly you do too…he needs to find a better job and you can find something to do to…I found a job when I was 5 months pregnant with my son, not many people want to hire you because your are so close to having the baby but there are alot of things you can do…babysitting/nanny, retail, hostess in a restaurant, etc… I did laundry at a hotel when I was pregnant both times…I loved it.. no matter what happens you need to have your mind focused on taking care of this baby with your life…even if it means doing it alone…. it sounds like your boyfriend is not making good choices right now, the whole ticket thing, if he is choosing to let someone else work rather than himself he is not going to provide for you and baby how he should…it is hard living with family members who have strings attached to everything…I think your first goal should be to become independent from your dad…go to your local Adult and Family Services Center…look it up in the front of your phone book… you can get food stamps, WIC, housing like Heather mentioned, they have jobs programs to help you or your boyfriend learn more skills for better jobs, they will even pay you to train…they will also help you with money for work clothes and child care…they even have hygiene vouchers to get shampoo and stuff…the state likes to help people that help themselves….if you are taking the right steps to getting a job and having a stable life they will give you many boosts to get you there but you have to take the steps on your own,they can’t do it for you….from the way you describe your boyfriend he may not want to go that route and that is when you will have some major decisions to make, do you want to follow his lead of working bare minimum and getting help from family or do you want to have your own place and not worry about the bills??? You are a mommy and right now is the easy part…you don’t need diapers yet, you don’t need child care yet, you don’t need extra food yet, you don’t need extra laundry soap yet…get what I am saying??? Whether your boyfriend follows your lead or not you need to take a Stand…you need to get your life in order before the baby comes…there will be hard days, there will be bumps but you can get your life stable if you make the efforts, then you won’t have to live in a strings attached environment and that will be better for you and baby…I was a single mom for 4 1/2 years and I survived against all the odds but it is because I Stood Up, found the resources and did my part…I worked, I was mom and dad, I did all the cleaning, cooking, loving, disciplining, bill paying….I had food stamps and help with child care but I was also paying into the system that was helping me….it may be hard to hear but you may have to draw a very bold line with your boyfriend and let him know that he needs to Stand Up and be a man or get out of your way so you can get your life together…and I am sorry if it sounds insensitive to your love for him but if he won’t do those things then your life will stay this way…you and the baby and your boyfriend all deserve to live better than a strings attached life of skimming by….it is not easy but it is very worth it to get your life in order and provide stability for this baby…if you don’t then the chances of your child growing up and living with you and not wanting to work will be much higher, our kids will do what we do , not what we tell them to do…I am here if you need help finding resources or if you want to hear more of my story in detail…I crawled out of a huge pit, I Stood Up when no one would have blamed me for sitting down, and I fought my way to stability, not just for my self but for my kids….let me know how it goes…Love Meg meg@standupgirl.com

    #19394
    Avatarnishab98

    First of all I want to say I wish you the best. I dont know what state you live but where I live they have non profit organizations that help people like you and your bf. hey help you get on your feet pay your bills for a couple of months then you are on your own but its a good start. I dont know if its the same for all states. I am in California so if you are too let me know I can email you some phone numbers to call.

    Another option is try jobs that are through the temp aganecy. This is something you and your bf can do. They pay really really well.

    I wish you the best and your family the best. I am 22 weeks preg and I am looking to move as well. I live with 2 other girsl which is fun but i am having a baby and the party house wont cut it anymore. Its hard though! But you guys will make it

    #19425
    AvatarWifey_CT

    Thanks everybody I’m now looking for a job and we’re going to court to see if we can make a payment plan on the tickets that keep going up. But I look at this with a little more hope. We now we need each other and that we both need to grow up. I am applying to welfare but I leave messages with my case worker and her supervisor for almost 2 weeks and nothing. I don’t get called back which is upsetting me. I’d also like to hear more about these programs that help because no one really told me or my bf about them. I live in the state of PA. And the assistance office really doesn’t care about the situation I’ve been up there 2 times to see if I can see my case worker and I can’t without an appointment. But I can’t make one because she doesn’t answer the one or return my calls. But I guess I’ll have to keep trying. I just wanted to say thank you reading your responses gave me hope. But I’d like to know more about these programs… You can write me on my profile. Thanks

    #19464
    AvatarMeg11

    I have been beat around the bush so many times by case workers…just call and call and call, show up and insist (politely of course) on seeing your worker, tell them you need to get things taken care of and you want to better yourself and you need their help…if that doesn’t help request a new worker and begin the process again…if you make yourself known to politely be persistant then the next case worker is not going to want to have to deal with you or put up with you so they will get stuff done…that is how I had to be…just remember that you can pester them to get stuff done but if you are polite in the process it will make them want to help you quicker…Meg

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