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too soon too take a test...

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8 years 6 months ago #1 by myangelsinheaven
myangelsinheaven replied the topic: Re:too soon too take a test...
Hi Jennim,
I'm sorry I was sick for a little while and wasn't here to reply.

People can be horribly cruel and detached, come and go in and out of our lives, and withhold love from us for selfish reasons. Why is it that the ones that say they love us one day.....turn around and abandon us the next? Fear, pride and selfishness.

If you think of all the things that has happened with your boyfriend in the past...you may be able to associate his actions to one of these three.
I'm sorry you're having to go through a difficult time, when you should be commended for your courageous spirit. Don't let your mother's weakness burden you and cause you to doubt your ability to carry your baby full term. You CAN do this!!
Your mother may just need some reassurance herself, or a comforting word from you. We have to help lift others up or carry them through difficult times until they can absorb some of our strength and walk on their own. This is new for your mother as well and she could possibly be acting out in fear. We tend to lash out and displace anger towards those that are closest to us when we're overwhelmed by it.
I have learned along the way, in some situations, when I realize that a loved one is completely off with their behavior in some way, the best thing for me to do is to be confident but silent in my disagreement with their behavior or attack. By not engaging in the arguement they so desperately want me to play a part in, or by respectfully standing up for myself with love and detachment from them, I've taken back control of my life and made some boundaries for them. I've had to say, "I love you, and want you to be a part of my life, but if you continue to act this way, you will only be hurting yourself".

You are essentially saying, "You may not agree with what I'm doing but you don't have the right to break me down and treat me this way".

You may have to wait awhile before they can come to accept your choice and 'their role' in your baby's life. We are all here for you and are VERY proud of you for giving your baby a chance. A decision like this has lasting effects on people's lives that may take years for them to realize. What a wonderful opportunity you are giving them......by saying "Yes" to the life of your baby, YOU are giving the baby's father and your mother an opportunity to become selfless, to put someone else first, and you're giving them a chance to be a little vulnerable. Vulnerable to the healing power of an innocent baby.

Best wishes and support,
Your friend in motherhood
myangelsinheaven

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8 years 7 months ago #2 by Pandabear
Pandabear replied the topic: Re:too soon too take a test...
Hey Girly,

I'm new to this. Just do what feels right for you!!! Your a strong person and just wiat til your parents see their grandchild they will be nothing but proud of you, I had a friend in the same situation now her son is almost one and her parents adore the little thing!!!

I know its hard but tough it out and you'll be amazed at how people can change their opinions!!!!

Good luck and let me know how your doing!!!

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8 years 8 months ago #3 by jennim1991
jennim1991 replied the topic: Re:too soon too take a test...
ok so the father hates me but wants to be involved! im a disapointment to mine and his family! i want my baby but i feel so lonely and am beginning to doubt myself! my close friends i told r rele supportive and said i will be a brill mum but i feel so low...please some1 help!

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8 years 8 months ago #4 by jennim1991
jennim1991 replied the topic: Re:too soon too take a test...
thanks for the advice. i have told my mum now she was ok at first but now is being a completetly horrible person to me. the father has changed his mind and wants to be involved when he can due to his job and the distance.
jen x

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8 years 8 months ago #5 by Evangeline
Evangeline replied the topic: Re:too soon too take a test...
Hi there,
Firstly congrats on the pregnancy and for deciding to keep your baby :)
and then with regard to telling yr mum... be honest and sincere. Also make sure that you tell them when they're calm- tension just creates more tension.
Give them a chance to absorb the news and then discuss it calmly. Listen to what they have to say; but since you've already come to a decision, make sure they're aware that you want to keep the baby and how you came to yr decision.
Parents also need reassurance, so make sure they know that you plan on finishing school/ college.
Hope this helped a bit.
Evangeline xoxoxo

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8 years 8 months ago #6 by jennim1991
jennim1991 replied the topic: Re:too soon too take a test...
im 18, i havent yet had the courage to tell my mum but i am going to today! the father has now told me he wants nothiing to do with me or our baby so i am going to have to go through the RAF and CSA to get money off him as hes refusing to give me anything, he has told me not to bother giving him any updates on the baby & just wants to know when it is born, but is refusing also to sign the birth certificate. He obviously isn't gonna make this easy for me but im determiined to do it on my own now, i already know i have the support of my friends and hoppe i have the support of my family.
enya, take a test it will ease your mind and if u r pregnant i hope u keep the baby as u will regret an abortion.
jenni x

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