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Now What?!?!?!?

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9 years 5 months ago #1 by mjlovett
mjlovett replied the topic: Re:Now What?!?!?!?
Hi,

I really feel for you.
I got pregnant as a teen and I know how tough it is to be in ur situation.
I certainly cannot give u advice - u have to follow ur heart and do what is best for YOU, not what is best for ur family.
You are the one who will be responsible for this child for the rest of ur life if u decide to parent.
Your family can say they will disown u or whatever but what they say and what they will actually do are probably real different. I hope that ur family would never actually disown u no matter what u decide to do.
If u decide to create an adoption plan please let me know because my friends are incredible parents who adopted a baby girl and they want to adopt again in the next year.

Good luck with your decision and God Bless!
MJ

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9 years 5 months ago #2 by HighDefinitionLove
HighDefinitionLove replied the topic: Re:Now What?!?!?!?
If you know that you don't want a baby then don't keep it out of guilt or fear that your family will disown you. A child needs love and if you cannot provide that, don't feel bad! Many people cannot be parents and that's just the way they are - it's an instinct that you either have or don't have. Your baby should not have to grow up being resented it's whole life just because you didn't have the want-to to be a parent. I think you should look into adoption as an alternative to raising the child yourself.

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9 years 5 months ago #3 by untbunny
untbunny replied the topic: Re:Now What?!?!?!?
Shluna-
Sweetie, my heart goes out to you. It appears you have a lot going on right now and just need some guidance in putting the puzzle back together. From what you have written you are suffering from depression. This may be hormonal in origin. I have a feeling that what you are wrestling with (baby and family) may be a significant contributor in how you are feeling.
First, you are not odd or crazy for not feeling connected to your baby. I too went through a similar sitation and it scared the hell out of me. So much so that by the age of 25 I had my tubes tied. Having children of my own scared me to no end. Not because I don't like children, only that the thought of a body growing inside me was too much to bare. Motherhood is not for everyone!
Second, you need to decide your next step. Abortion or adoption. You stated in the original message that you are not leaning toward abortion. The pain a woman feels after abortion can be terrible. Certainly you are aware of the pain, guilt and misery. Explore open adoption. (I'll get to your family in a second) Open adoption will allow you to pick out the parents for your child and remain in touch with your child during his/her life. I am adopted and currently seeking to adopt. From first hand experience, adoption is the best of both worlds. Growing up I knew that I had the family specially picked out for me. In fact, it was the family my mother had wanted for herself as a teen. Imagine how great it is to know that two families loved you (birth and adoptive family)! Talk about security.
So you are concerned that your family will disown you? Why do you think that? Have they said they would? Ultimately, the decision is yours. They were not with you when you became pregnant. Why should they feel comfortable in telling you what to do with your baby?
Let's look at this from another angle. Would you be \"disowned\" by the parents if you did not place the baby with another family?
No? Are they sending you the message that you must pay for your mistake of becoming pregnant? OR Are they scared they will never see the child again if adopted and want to keep the child in the family?
If you were not pregnant would your family find another reason to \"disown\" you? Look back on this last year and think to yourself-what other adult stance have I taken to butt heads with my family? I'm suggesting that your pregnancy is only one of several reasons a woman your age may be scared of being \"disowned\" by family. From your profile photo you don't look over 21. You're at a time in life when the teen years are behind and the adult years are beginning. Many parents have a difficult time dealing with their children during this transition period. Maybe what you are sensing as disown is just your family's way of dealing with change. Did you have the same problems when becoming a teenager? I bet you did.
I know this is long and a little rambling. Just think about a few items in this post. I know it seems dreary at this time but I assure you....it will get better! You are strong enough to come out of this a much stronger woman.

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9 years 5 months ago #4 by kez_mummy_2_skye
kez_mummy_2_skye replied the topic: Re:Now What?!?!?!?
How far along are you now?
You would be a fair way.
In your case it sounds like you are going through some depression so id go and talk to drs and maybe they can lead you in the right direction.
You will need some anti depression medication.
If YOU choose adoption then go through with it.
Would you honestly want to have a child that you dont love or give it to a family that will give it the love you cant supply.
If your family disowns you then just leave it at that you deep down did what you thought was right for your child. Could you adopt the baby to one of your family members if they dont want the baby going to someone un-known

What does your Husband think about all of this?

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9 years 5 months ago #5 by Meg11
Meg11 replied the topic: Re:Now What?!?!?!?
I am so sorry to hear of your depression and the questioning that is in your heart...believe it or not, even though I am married and planned this child in my womb I still question WHY??? I feel crazy like why did I want another baby?? I know though that this baby was given to me and he/she is a gift...I know that my life is going to dramatically change but I know that I can and will survive, by my common knowledge or my circumstances?? No, I just have to believe and have faith that I will make it....I have been depressed through most of my pregnancy and the complications have not helped at all, I am not sure if I will even get to bring my baby home from the hospital, our baby has a cyst on its brain and that has caused me to have a hard time bonding with the baby, it has caused me to feel discouraged when I feel sick or see the scale go up higher and higher at my appointments, I feel like why am I going through all of this for a baby that I may never get to watch grow up? It is hard, If I can encourage you in anything it would be to persevere though, hormones can be a very huge contributor to the depression, real life circumstances are not always easy, but if you look at the flip side you could be going through this season wondering how big your belly would be, wondering what it would have been like had you kept the baby, would you have had a boy or a girl, would the baby have your nose, abortion causes much greater depression than what you are experiencing now but without hope for a better day, one of these days your baby will not be a baby anymore, he/she will not want to snuggle or sit down to read a book or they will look at you funny when you say I love you in front of their friends....that may seem like forever away but it is not, you can get through this and you know what if you really feel that adoption is the better route for you and baby then you need to make that choice not your family, check out loveschoice.com ,there are many stories on there about people who have been adopted and have adopted and have placed their child with an adoptive family, you can read stories from every angle and see if that is the way to go...I do think it would be hard for your family but you need to do what is best for you and baby and we all know that abortion is not best for the baby and it is not best for you either...just know that we all feel this way at times, not everyone has a peachy glowing pregnancy filled with joyful anticipation, sometimes it takes months for moms to bond with their babies even after birth, just don't give up...we are all here for you and many of us know exactly how you are feeling, you are not alone...please keep talking, don't hold your fears in and don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do, it is normal to feel depressed and uncertain in pregnancy...just hand in there, lots of love and prayers....Meg, meg@standupgirl.com

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9 years 5 months ago #6 by Shluna105
Shluna105 created the topic: Now What?!?!?!?
Thanks for all of your help!!!!!!!!!!

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