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Abusive... Control?

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5 years 9 months ago #1 by Sincerely,Rae
Sincerely,Rae replied the topic: Re: Abusive... Control?
I'm 8 weeks and 5 days(got the ultrasound today) well,I personally think that you should just move away from him and if he calls don't answer or if you do then your call will be traced and he can find you.If you open up a file then he can bail himself out.But,if you decide to do a case its also good too.Because,he may be hurting other women too.And,you don't want to be arrested to for knowing something and not telling the police.That could cause issues.Plus,if they say he was hurting other women they the first question they may ask is how is he not hurting you but other women.So,I advise you to keep your distance.And,if you decide that you want him to see the baby then I probably think that you should bring a guy friend or a few friends over to protect you.Well,good luck :) :)

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5 years 10 months ago #2 by newplusone
newplusone replied the topic: Re: Abusive... Control?
i'm in the same-ish situation. William lost his privilege to be a father when he cheated on the baby with drugs, and potentially harmed the baby by physically and emotionally hurting you. Any court would see that and trust that in the future the right father will find you and Bentili and take care of you guys. your job right now is to take care of yourself and the baby and not worry about it.

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5 years 10 months ago #3 by lbrookec
lbrookec replied the topic: run, don't walk!
:dry:
Wow, I am so sorry to hear that at such a young and confusing age you are going through so very much and doing it alone. Where is your support system? I wish I could say that I cannot relate to the fear, isolation and desparation that comes from an unplanned pregnancy. I can relate all too well to that, I have given birth to three unplanned children and I placed the second one for adoption and I am currently a single mother to my 11 year old and my 6 year old sons. On that matter I do not regret any of the decisions regarding my three pregnancies. My sons are my life and I regularly visit the beautiful little boy I placed for adoption, it brings me great joy to do so.

The abuse from your drug-addicted, cheating baby's father is the part of your story that I am so saddened by. I wish that being in an abusive relationship wasn't something that I am familiar with, but that too, has been part of my adult life. I only recently, within the past year, left a long-term abusive(verbally and physically)relationship with a man I was with for 4 years.

It sounds as though you're sure about parenting this child, and I commend you on your strength in making that choice. Being a mother is a very selfless, extremely difficult but very rewarding job. It's in every way the most defining and important task you'll ever take on and it's certainly worth it! The smiles, hugs, kisses and "I love you, Mommy!" are so much better than any amount of money!

You should not walk but run, to the nearest magistrate or judge in your county to file for and obtain an order of protection against your child's father prior to the baby's birth. The advantage of doing it now will be that you and your baby can enjoy a emotionally stress-free, as well as a physically safe pregnancy that will ultimately result in a healthy baby. Physical abuse is so detrimental to you and your baby's well-being. It's been proven that men who begin with verbal abuse, infidelity, and physical abuse while abusing any substance or alcohol will progress to abusing their own children, your baby. I know that you love him, believe me, I get it even though I'm sure no one else does. You must understand that abuse is NOT love, love never intends to hurt others in any way. For whatever reason, you've excepted his terrible actions as "normal" or have come to believe that you do not deserve to be treated any better than what he gives you. That is simply NOT true! Everyone deserves to be happy, and he DOES NOT have the right to take your happiness away from you.

If for no other reason, you should remove yourself from this abusive situation for the sake of your unborn child's future happiness. Don't wait until it's too late for both of you.

LBrookeC

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5 years 10 months ago #4 by RissaBbyGurl456
RissaBbyGurl456 replied the topic: Re: Abusive... Control?
Girl, you gotta protect not only yourself, but your beautiful unborn baby. I can understand you probably have pretty deep feelings for this guy but it sounds like...hes just not good for you or the baby :( if he's hurting you, phyiscally, emotionally, or whatnot, you gotta get away from it to protect your baby. You don't want the baby around that you know?
Just keep that in mind, that baby has a lot of action going on in that tummy with growing and whatnot:) if your stressed or being physically harmed, it can harm the poor baby too.

Btw, I love the name:)

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  • AmandaElaine
  • AmandaElaine's Avatar Topic Author
5 years 11 months ago #5 by AmandaElaine
AmandaElaine created the topic: Abusive... Control?
Im amanda. 17, high school graduate. 12 weeks(:
and as of 4 pm 12/11/11 single... but i'm not single because i want to be. its because i have to be. William and I have history... a whole 6 years of history. We fight sometimes. but usually, its because he's high on meth... Honestly, honesty sucks. and me typing this right now, hurts to the core of my being.. because i had an out once, in 2009... with my 1st baby, who we lost.
But, regardless. Things got good, and I got pregnant, with the baby we're naming Bentili-- boy or girl--
we've been fine. he stayed sober...til last week.
:/-- i'm typing as best i can, but im really upset. i apologize for any confusion.
He came over, and Dominique started to text me, and I asked him, and he admittedd it and i started crying, and he told me to shut my fking mouth and i said "why" and i stood up to walk away to get a kleenex and ii looked at him and said it wasnt fair--this whole time i was getting texts from that girl, and she was saying that imma wanna be baby momma... whatever, and i said i wouldnt have done it to you, and he said "i said shut your fking mouth" and charged at me, and he started shoving me, and i tried to get away from him, so i thought if i dropped and tried to move i could move faster and it didnt work, and he and i were arguing and he got off of me to call dominique on my phone, and he threw my phone and hit me in the face with it and I told him he wouldnt see my baby or i again and he said that i couldnt keep his kid from him...but i really dont want him around the baby, but... i dont want to control Bentili's relationship with William, but I dont want my daughter or son to endure what i did. Especially when i lost my first born because of himm....
im utterly confused. where can i control my right as a mother? and... how do i stay away????? i love William... :/ i wish things were different...

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