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I really need some advicee

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9 years 2 months ago #1 by jessey223
jessey223 replied the topic: Re:I really need some advicee
I too was once in your shoes I ALWAYS thought about babies and wanted one in the worst way I was probably about 12 when I started feeling this way. When I was 14 I started dating who at the time seemed like the man of my dreams. When I was 15 almost 16 I found out I was pregnant and I was excited and scared at the same time. My parents forced me to have an abortion and my bf had nothing to say about it. I was devastated. Then when I was 17 almost 18, just before I graduated I found out I was pregnant again. This time I was almost positive that I was not going to let anyone talk me into an abortion this is what I always wanted. Nee dless to say my dad was very disappointed and my mom was supportive but had lots of concerns for my future and the babies future. So I went thru my pregnancy with this feeling I was doing things wrong. But I did love being pregnant and everything was fine with me and my boyfriend. I had my daughter Dec 02 and I loved being a mom. I did not go to college, so I did start working right when I found out I was pregnant to start making money. I lived with my parents for 2 years until I was 20 and decided I needed a place of our own. I bought a condo and thought life was just great. My little family was now self-sufficient in my mind for the first time ever. Fast forward like two years and I was fighting with my bf all of the time, I was outgrowing him. Funny everyone told me this would happen and I always believed he was my sole mate. He was a dad that really helped a lot in the beginning and then helped less and less and almost never played with our daughter. So June 06 we finally split and he moved away to Texas. I was very upset because he was all I knew. I felt as if because I did everything wrong the first time around that I did not deserve to get married or have more kids. That my parents would never approve of the idea. In Nov 06 I met this guy and I was not sure where it would go. It is now almost two years later and I am engaged to my sole mate. I now know what true love is and what a relationship is all about. And for the first time ever I feel as if I am doing everything the right way. That I deserve a wedding and more babies. However my daughter struggled a lot and still does that her dad is not here. She was always searching for that male attention, from friends fathers my dad etc. This process is heart breaking. Moral of the story is wait to have kids until you get married it will be well worth it. Kids to suffer from not having their mom and dad together. Truth of the matter is MOST couples that have kids as teens do not stay together and that REALLY HURTS THE CHILD. It makes them long for that other parent, not trust and get caught in the middle of it. Kids are great and I don't regret my daughter for a second. She is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me but if I could make my fiance her biological father and was able to wait until I was married I most certainly would. Sorry for the long story but I hope it helps. JUST LOOK AT THAT LITTLE BABY THAT YOU LOVE THAT YOU WATCH ALL THE TIME AND THINK ABOUT HER BEING HEART BROKEN THAT HER MOM AND DAD WERE NOT TOGETHER. JUST WAIT IT IS WELL WORTH IT PROMISE. Jessica

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9 years 2 months ago #2 by EccentricChic1
EccentricChic1 replied the topic: Re:I really need some advicee
That sounds a lot like where I was when I was 16. I desperately wanted a baby, well I got pregnant at 16 and miscarried, it was devastating and almost destroyed me, I got pregnant again at 17 and had my daughter when I was 18. She is 4 years old now and I love her dearly. Her father has never been a part of her life and from the age of 2 she started asking questions. I have been very blessed to have wonderful people in my life and hers and she knows she has a heavenly Father, but that does not change the fact that my precious baby girl is missing out on having a daddy to hug and love and develop a relationship with. It's because of my selfishness, (Which I never saw that way), that my daughter has to suffer this way, it breaks my heart to know I can't give her a daddy. Yes there are many other reasons that children grow up with out a daddy, but this is my fault, this is something I chose by having sex in the first place with someone who I did not have a lifelong commitment to, marriage.
My advice for now is to love on everyone else's baby. There are plenty of babies already to love on, I know it's not the same as having your own but I promise you won't look back and regret waiting to have your own.

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9 years 3 months ago #3 by MissKirsty
MissKirsty replied the topic: Re:I really need some advicee
Hi hun!
I totally know the feeling! I am the SAME WAY! I want a baby very much, and I have wanted one ever since I can remember.
The thing that I've come to see though, is that right now it would be selfish of me to have a baby when I couldn't give it the best (i.e. a stable home with a married Mom and Dad that love each other. Money isn't important, but married parents are.)
You might want to stop looking at baby websites and stuff for a little while if it makes the urge more intense.
From what I've seen, being a parent is very different from babysitting.
I've not only decided to save having a baby for marriage, I've decided to save sex for marriage too. I want to be able to give that gift to my future husband.
When you are married, the announcement that you are expecting will be a pleasure to everyone, including your parents.
When you are single, no matter how supportive everyone is, there is always a little bit of shame.
I know that everything we see out in the world today tells us to follow our hearts, but please don't do it in this case. Remind yourself of what you are waiting for, which is spending the rest of your wonderful life committed to one man, having his children.
A child complicates things even in the best relationships.
None of this is intended to make you feel bad, just to tell you that I want a baby too, but to encourage you to think of what would be best for your baby. If you got pregnant by mistake, I would totally encourage you to keep the baby. But the BEST is to wait to have sex until your wedding night and then to be able to give your husband a baby.
Let us know what you decide, ok?
Hugs!

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9 years 3 months ago #4 by sonal
sonal replied the topic: Re:I really need some advicee
I know exactly how u feel. My dream was to have a baby. Its all i would ever think about even looking at other babies would make me become so close to them and treat them as my own. Then i found out i was pregnant and guess what - my dream came true. Only it shattered when i was forced for an abortion. I know this may not happen to u i hope not, its horrible to go through but were still young, we can love babies, play with them and even think about having our own one day , u know, every night i sleep n i always tell myself i want another baby. I want a baby in my arms. But a baby aint for fun or show, its for life and its yours. give your baby the best life. wait for it.

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9 years 3 months ago #5 by insubordinateximpx09
insubordinateximpx09 replied the topic: Re:I really need some advicee
I don't really have any advice for you, because I'm in the almost exact same position as you are. I'm 17 right now and have a 4 month old son and all I can think about right now is having another baby. I, like you, have names picked out, look at baby stuff all the time, stuff like that. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm always here.

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9 years 3 months ago #6 by xo ash ox
xo ash ox created the topic: I really need some advicee
Okay so I am 15, going to be 16 and lately I have had baby on the brain. Ever since i was around the age of 8 i wanted my own child. I've picked out names, and i'm constantly looking at baby websites like babiesrus just to see what i would get for my kid. I don't know what to do. I want to have a baby and raise it. I know how hard it will be, i know the money it will cost, and i know i might lose friends. But everytime I think about babies I see me being a young mom. I have been watching this little girl since she was 3 weeks old, she is now 6 months, and everytime i watch her (everyday except for tuesdays) i think about her as my own daughter and it just feels so right. I need advice, should i act upon what my whole heart is telling me to do or not?:S

xox

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