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i dont think i love him!

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10 years 5 months ago #1 by euro_girl_frm_aus
euro_girl_frm_aus replied the topic: Re:i dont think i love him!
my dad also left my mum and us kids and we have done fine without him.i wasnt saying its bad not to have a dad,i was saying its good to have a mum and a dad around.if he dont treat you right well then move out.my mum left my dad wen i was 5.she was in an abusive relationship wif him for 17 years.he wud bash her,try to kill her,destroy everything,gamble and drank everyday.it look my mum 17 years to go for good bcos she always believed things wud change.my mum has been remarried since then and is very happy.i seen my dad nearly r year ago n im nt really interested in seeing him,cos y shud i make d effort if he doesnt.my bf does not hit me and never has cos i wudnt put up with that no matter how much i love him!!! he is macedonian and was brought up thinking that the man is the boss n the women is the slave.it has calmed down alot tho,he is very lazy thats wat it is.i think it will be much better wen we get in2 our own house...if u dnt want to be with ur bf then leave but seems loves your daughter just make arragements for him to see her.

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10 years 5 months ago #2 by Meg11
Meg11 replied the topic: Re:i dont think i love him!
Well I am glad that he doesn't hurt you or treat you outwardly bad...I can't tell you what you should do because you are the one who needs to make that choice...but I can offer some questions to make you think...if he is a good dad and he treats you good and provides for you then why don't you love him and want to be with him??? Has he asked you to marry him?? If he did would it make you love him?? If he was willing to be closer to your family would it change your heart?? Just some questions to help you search your heart...one thing I do want to comment on though is you being afraid of him hurting himself....has he threatened or is this just a random fear??? Pennie's dad threatened to hurt himself and he did it to keep me around....I didn't want to be responsible for his injury or death...Keep in mind that my mom killed herself when I was 3 1/2 months pregnant and I found her body so his threats hit too close to home...I finally had to realize that if he was going to leave me for getting a job , well, at least the bills would get paid and I wouldn't have to take his verbal beatings anymore I was to the point that I would have rather starved to death with me and my daughter homeless than to be with him one more day...so I made the choice and left him...a week later he told me that I could get a job but that he wanted to get back together...\"he had changed\" not another week went by before I left him again for good...he took the laundry soap, shampoo, dish soap, etc.etc.etc. and gave me 20 dollars...all of the bills were past due and I had no food or milk or gas in my car (all of those hour long drives) his grandma picked him up and he took all of his stuff....well I got a job within a week and my friends from church (the ones that I had not been allowed to talk to, and the church I was not allowed to go to) brought me food and supplies to hold me over till my first check came in...leaving him was the hardest choice I have ever made..that I can think of...I was so scared...he had convinced me that no one would ever hire me, that no one would ever love me, I would lose my house and car and that he would take my daughter from me and prove me to be unfit to raise her. I had to take a leap of faith....I had to let go of what I knew reality to be and I had to survive...ultimately I became a Stand Up Girl...I quit having sex when I got pregnant with my son and I remained abstinent for 3 1/2 years until my wedding night, I only spent money on what I NEEDED, and I fought so hard to be a good mom even though I didn't have an example set for me....I have been married now for 7 months and I have a happy family....all of the things her dad told me were lies....I have had great jobs (I don't work now by choice) I have people who love me and I actually just tore down my house and put a manufactured home on the property and I ended up with a better car...that one blew up on the side of the freeway when I was 3 months pregnant...that's another story LOL....so I hope that answered your question of how I got out...I look back and I can't believe that that was really my life...I lived that way every day and dealt with the abuse...he never even calls to check on his daughter (good thing) much less fought to take her away....deep down he is a scared insecure little boy and all he can do is bully someone else who hurts to make himself feel better...don't let anyone do that to you ever....love Meg...

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10 years 5 months ago #3 by Tatismommy
Tatismommy replied the topic: Re:i dont think i love him!
Well he doesn't hit me or anything like that or tells me to get this or get that!...he is a great father to my daughter!He thinks that if i go, im taking the baby from him!...and i've told him a million times that is not like that..i would let him see the baby whenever he wants! but he says its not the same that he wants to be with me and the baby!..but i dont want to be with him and he wants to be with me...its gotten to the point were i feel like what i say dont count...and that i have to listen to him!...Sometimes i feel like just leaving while he's at work but im scared he might hurt himself..and i dont have no one that can help me!..and i kno that every child needs a mom and dad..but that doesnt mean that the mom and dad have to be together!..i grew up without a father and he didnt or doesn't care about me n my siblings but thats not goin to happen to my daughter because her father cares about her ALOT!And Daniela u shoulnt have a baby with him because it seems like he only cares about himself...but who knows he'll probably buy EVERYTHING for the baby and wont be thinkin about himself!But if u cant take it anymore..do wat u gota do..cause trust me IT DONT GET ANY BETTER!.And Meg...how did u get out of it??Thanx for answering!

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10 years 5 months ago #4 by Meg11
Meg11 replied the topic: Re:i dont think i love him!
I just wanted to tell both of you ladies that your relationships sound a lot like the one I was in for over a year...one of the worst relationships I was ever in...he was controlling and all but physically abusive...I was not allowed to talk to my own sister who lived in the same house with us....yes I agree that it is important to have a mom and a dad but it is more important to be surrounded by love and to teach your children right and wrong...if these guys are disrespecting you and controlling you it will affect your kids down the road...especially if you have boys...they will most likely grow up to do the same thing to their wives...God made Eve from Adams side not from under his foot and not from above his head...all that to say that we are no better or worse than a man...you need to be loved and honored and cherished...you should put your kids first...when you are married you are supposed to put your husband before the child but you are not held to that if you are not married to these boys...don't let them get away with putting you down and making you feel less important all the time...if you are not married then you are not held accountable to stay in that relationship...if at all possible let them maintain a healthy relationship with their kids but please know that you are selling yourself short...if you don't love him you are not doing either one of you a favor by staying with him...it is always best for both parents to work it out and get married and stay together but when there is abuse of any form involved (which in both of your cases there is) it will ultimately hurt your child, hurt yourself and tell the abuser that it is ok to treat a woman that way....he doesn't own you...if you want to freely give your love then that is different but don't force it if your not married...if you need to...leave and be with your family...I never saw the extent of the abuse in my relationship until I was out of it....I am free now and I am married to a wonderful man who loves both of my kids as his own and he would never in a million years tell me I can't talk with a family member or that I cant go to the store without him or tell me \"get me this or that\" Don't let these guys treat you like property...you are beautiful women with so much love to give....wait a while and give your love to someone who will give it back in a healthy way....Love Meg

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10 years 5 months ago #5 by euro_girl_frm_aus
euro_girl_frm_aus replied the topic: Re:i dont think i love him!
hey,my names Daniella and im 17, im so sorry for you to have to be in this situation...im not a mother yet but did move away from home to live wif my bf..at times i feel like i just wanna giv up and go bak to my mum but then i kno ill miss him to much...my bf is starting to be really demanding, such as,go get me this or go get me that,get up (6am on r sunday) i wanna go shopping.he is r real money waster has to hav d best of d best.n i feel if thats all he cares about then how will i ever be able to have the baby i want with him. atm i live with him at his fathers place cos his mum passed away n i came to help out but im sick of it.we will be in our new house (just d 2 of us) soon closer to my mum.i kno it costs money but maybe you will be happier if all 3 of you move back to your home town,every girl needs her family and friends.Maybe explain to him how u feel,wen i do that it doesnt get through but maybe it will to ur man.my boy finks its funny wen im balling my eyes out n keeps going so i cry more!!!Please just try to work things out,every child needs there mummy and daddy.Maybe say you wanna go boston here n there...let me kno how things go,good luck,....Daniella

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10 years 5 months ago #6 by Tatismommy
Tatismommy created the topic: i dont think i love him!
im 17 years old and i live with my bf...we have a 7 month old daughter..we live in nj and i moved from boston..i have no family here..everybody is in boston but ever since i was pregnant i felt (n still do) like i dont want to be with him n e more but when i tell him that i want to go back home with my family and that i dont feel the same for him anymore he gets really upset and i feel like im forced to be with him and to stay here!...sometimes i get mad just because he's on the computer!..every little thing he does gets me mad and i cant take it anymore!..i want to break up with him so bad!..i've tried so many times n he just doesn't give up!...he's always trying to make things better but its not gonna work because my feelings have changed towards him! and he doesnt take me serious!...he thinks that its wat he wants...i know he loves me and our daughter ALOT but its not gonna work if i dont want to be with him!!...any advice or anything?? i have no one to talk to because i dont know anybody from here!..some one plz answer!!

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