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help me please

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11 years 3 months ago #1 by Kit
Kit replied the topic: Re:help me please
I feel for you. As the father the baby is as much yours as it is your girlfriends. Before I became pregnant I thought that I was extremely opposed to abortion. I thought thqt I would have some sense of the presence and a bond with the little human being growing inside me. In the first trimester I have to admit that I really didn't. I mostly just felt sick. I wanted to have this baby and I am extremely excited that he will be here in a couple of months. I never would have chosen abortion. However I think morning sickness doesn't help expecially with pregnancies that were not planned or unwanted. I can understand a feeling of just not wanting to feel sick anymore.

Have you spoken with your girlfriend about how you are feeling about this baby and about the previous abortion? My advice would be to tell her how you feel. Tell her that you love her and you love the baby. Tell her that as the father of the baby you do not want to see your son or daughter aborted. Be by her side as she is sick with morning sickness. Get her gingerale or pepermints or crackers or whatever she needs to feel better. She needs your love and support. She needs to know that she can make it through this tough time. Morning sickness thankfully will not last forever. Talk to her. I hope and pray that she will listen to you and at least consider your feelings before making any decisions about terminating the pregnancy. Best Wishes.

Kate

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  • a father
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11 years 3 months ago #2 by a father
a father replied the topic: Re:help me please
i am a fater to be for the third time this year with the same partner
early on in the year my partner fell pregnant we had only been together for a few weeks and she fell pregnant.
she decided to have an abortion as she thought it would be for the best,
but i didnt think so
anyway she went ahead and done it.
we didnt talk for a few weeks but then she got back intouch with me and we ment back to being how we were but i always had it in the back of my mind that she had killed my baby

Then in the middle of this year she fell pregnant again
we were both over the moon and really happy
but then she mis carryed

agian she has now fallen pregnant at first she was happy as was i
but now because she has started to feel ill with morning sickness
she has decided that she dont want to feel like this
and is planning another abortion
i feel so sick inside
and she is not listening to what i have to say

she is going to kill another one of my babys
what should i do ??????????

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  • DoulaMomma2
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11 years 4 months ago #3 by DoulaMomma2
DoulaMomma2 replied the topic: Re:help me please
Hey Michelle,
I was in the same boat as you 2 years ago, but I hadn't been with my boyfriend for as long as you. I was with my boyfriend for 6 months and he was 6 years older than me. I was terrified too. I had my Mom telling me, I told you so, because I never used protection, so I felt alone and scared. I had no idea what to do too.
Nobody says you have to tell your boyfriend, but eventually he will start noticing when you start showing. You never know what he's gonna say until you tell him.
Ask yourself this, does he love me? If the answer is yes, then no matter what he will be by your side. If the answer is no, then you don't need this guy.
I wasn't sure what to do, just like you, but I decided in the end, what the hell, i'll tell him. I told him and to my huge surprise, he was so happy.
I am now 21 and we're married. Our 2nd anniversary is tomorrow. My daughter is now 17 months old and the most amazing little person in the world.
Let me tell you, I thought of having an abortion a few times, cuz I wanted to stay in school, I wanted to become something. But, still not knowing exactly why, I decided to keep my baby, and I would not change that for anything in the world.
I'm now pregnant and due in a week with a little boy, and things are pretty good. They're not perfect, but they're good.
You need to decide in your heart what is right for you. I'm not saying it's gonna be easy, cuz it's not going to be.
I'm sure your boyfriend will support you in this and you might be surprised at how he reacts.
Keep us informed. Good luck, and remember, your all that matters girl!
~Melissa

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11 years 4 months ago #4 by Kit
Kit replied the topic: Re:help me please
Michelle,

I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend's reaction. This makes the matter more complicated and difficult. If I were in your shoes I think I would have told him that you are worried that you might be pregnant, but if you are that you don;t want an abortion and really need his support because you don't want to be alone and pregnant. It sounds like if you are pregnant (and if you've already had four positive tests than the chances are extremely high that you are) he isn't going to be supportive. You deserve better! It is as much his responsibility for the pregnancy as it is yours. If he accuses you of lying tell him that you were not intending to lie but his question made you wonder and you decided to go to the clinic to find out if you really were pregnant. Tell him that you are feeling scared. Tell him that you love him, but do not want to be pressured into an abortion. If he really loves you and cares about you he will consider your feelings and be willing to engage in an active diologue with you. He may still think abortion is the best option, but he should at least be willing to listen. If he won't then I think I would reconsider my relationship with him. I don't think I'd want to stay in a relationship with someone who would treat me so badly and who I did not trust to count on.

Kate

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  • SHAKYRA
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11 years 4 months ago #5 by SHAKYRA
SHAKYRA replied the topic: Re:help me please
dECIDING TO RAISE A BABY OR NOT RAISE THE BABY IS THE MOST DIFFICULT STEP OF MATERNAL INSTINCTS. YOU HAVE TO MAKE EVERY DECISION FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY NOW. IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOUR BOYFRIEND WOULD HELP OUT AND ALL BUT IN REALITY YOU CANT DEPEND ON ANYONE FOR YOUR WELL BEING BUT YOURSELF. JUST REMEBER YOU HAVE TO BE AN ADULT NOW. SIT HIM DOWN TALK TO HIM AND BE HONEST WITH HIM. BEFORE YOU WIPE OUT THE THOUGHT OF HIM HELPING GIVE HIM THE OPTION OF PROVING YOU WRONG. ITS GONNA BE REALLY HARD BUT YOU CAN DO IT..FOR YOU AND FOR YOUR BABY. I AM 24 YEARS OLD WITH A SET OF 3 YEAR OLD TWINS. I AM NOW MARRIED TO THEIR FATHER. I ALSO THOUGHT HE WOULD REACT THAT WAY BUT HE PROVED ME WAY WRONG. KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN<br><br>Post edited by: Julie, at: 2005/12/24 00:57

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  • michelle
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11 years 4 months ago #6 by michelle
michelle replied the topic: i have some more info
hey guys. thank you so much for all your responses. they helped me alot! i am still absolutely terrified, because for one, i find out today for sure when i go to the clinic, and two, my boyfriend will not support me. he asked me last nite if i was pregnant, because i was being rude, and i said i was really tired and not feeling well, and i said 'no.' and he said 'cuz if u are, i dont care how much i have to pay, i'll pay the 500 for you to get an abortion. cuz your getting an abortion' and i almost burst into tears.. see? i knew he wouldnt support me.. now, i love him more than ANYTHING and would be so happy if he would support me, but now that i know he wont, i am even more scared. my mom wont support me, i hardly talk to my father, and my siblings wont want to have anything to do with me.. you have no idea how little support i will get in this pregnancy. i have been crying all nite long, and i feel horrible this morning for lying to ryan, because after i said no, he said 'if you are pregnant, and i find out u were lying, i will break up with you' and i just said 'im not pregnant' god, i feel soo stupid!!! i cant get this off my mind, someone please help me!

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