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Confused

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12 years 1 month ago #1 by Kit
Kit replied the topic: Re:Confused
Val,

I can understand your concerns about wanting to focus on your educational and career goals. When I faced a couple of pregnancy scares in college simillar thoughts and concerns went through my head. I'm 28 now, pregnant, and in graduate school. I was a little concerned whether it would be more difficult being a pregnant grad student. There has been a little more stress due to difficulties and ups and downs throughout this pregnancy, but otherwise it hasn't really negatively interfered with either my classes or my assistantship. I intend to continue classes and continue grorwth in my career after the baby is born. Having a child doesn't mean you have to give up on your career dreams and goals.

It sounds like your partner is being supportive, which will be helpful if you do decide to keep the child and raise it yourselves or to give it up for adoption. This may sound hypocritical, because I have written to other girls not to let the father of their child force or pressure them into having an abortion...the decision is ultimately yours to make, but I would consider talking to your partner and considering his feelings about wanting the child. Sometimes it doesn't seem fair to me for fathers who are equally responsible in actions and genetics for the child at stake to stand back while their partner chooses to abort their child.

Have you considered adoption? How would your partner feel about adoption? You could choose whether you would prefer an open or closed adoption situation and sometimes might even be able to choose from potential adoptive parents. This way you could get back to your career and wait for a family until the time is right, but your child will be given the gift of life. Before you go through with the abortion next week please read the stories and posts from girls on this site who have decided to have an abortion and are dealing with pain and regret. Also I would urge you to do some research into fetal development.

Ultimately the decision is up to you, and I promise that I will not judge you for your choice, but I hope you decide to cancel the appointment and choose to have this child. Best Wishes.

Kate

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  • Val
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12 years 1 month ago #2 by Val
Val replied the topic: Re:Confused
Hello,
I just found out 1 week ago that i am pregnant. Its a complete shock as i am only almost 20. I dont know what to do. my partner is the most supportive man in the world whatever i choose but he has made it clear that he wants the baby. I have serious doubts though. i have a great career ahead of me and that has always been the most important thing in my life. one day i really want the baby and the next i dont. I went for a scan 2 days ago and i was 10 weeks and 3 days, the Dr booked the abortion for next friday, a week today, and said that i have up to then to decide.
I dont know what to do.

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  • J
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12 years 1 month ago #3 by J
J replied the topic: Re:Confused
Please do not have an abortion! I had one 2 days before my 19th birthday and it's been a year now but I regret it so much. My boyfriend wanted me to have one so I did. Now I resent him so much for that and it almost ended our relationship. Abortion is the most painful thing I've ever experienced physically and emotionally. I still cry every single day. I will never be the same since mine and I beg you not to do it. Please consider any other option.

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  • sara
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12 years 1 month ago #4 by sara
sara replied the topic: Re:Confused
Heyy I know where you are coming from!!! I was 20 when I had my daughter. Yes, it changed my life forever but it also changed it for the better!!! Now even though I don't go out I just enjoy spending time at home with my daughter. My friends come over and spend time with us together. Occassionally my family babysits so I can have a free night but I can't imagine not having my baby!!! If you feel you absolutely can't have a child then please choose adoption. I chose abortion the first time I got pregnant at 18 and now when I look at my daughter I see that other baby too. Adoption really shows that you're mature enough to be responsible and that you can take care of yourself. Abortion will change you physically and mentally forever. Please consider carefully. Best wishes. Love, Sara

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12 years 1 month ago #5 by Kit
Kit replied the topic: Re:Confused
Laura,

It is true that having a baby will change your life and your routine. It is also true that babies cost money. However there are resources out there that can help financially. If you want to have this child don't let anyone pressure you into an abortion. If your boyfriend truly loves you he will understand and support your decision. Abortion may seem like a quick and easy solution, but it is more complicated. Before you decide to have an abortion please read the stories and posts from girls on this site who have gone through with abortion and have sufferred emotional and physical consequences and have extreme regrets about their choice. If you and your boyfriend do not feel ready for the changes and responsibility of parenthood, perhaps adoption would be the best decision. There is no shame in giving up a child for adoption, and your child would have be given the gift of life.

Kate

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  • Laura
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12 years 1 month ago #6 by Laura
Laura created the topic: Confused
I've just found out I'm pregnant and don't know what to do. Part of me would love to keep it as I've always known I want children but I hadn't thought it would happen now. I'm 20 and in a loving relationship with someone I've been with for 2 years. He thinks I should have an abortion because looking at it logically we don't have a lot of money and both enjoy going out lots which is something that would all change.
I'm so confused and I don't know what to do. I don't want to make the wrong desicion and do something I'll regret but I have to decide something soon.

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