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Why Not?

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5 years 7 months ago #1 by care4sober
care4sober replied the topic: Re: Why Not?
Hi! I've read the comments and here's one thing I can tell you:You know yourself better than anybody does. If you think you can stand by your decision, you can do it. Be optimistic.

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  • meganelizabeth44
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6 years 5 months ago #2 by meganelizabeth44
meganelizabeth44 replied the topic: Re: Why Not?
Hey Coral,
I think they're referring more to me planning a baby young is selfish. Thank you for your post though, and you still make valid points.

And for the record (this is to anyone who reads this), I do not expect my parents to care for my child. They will spend time with him/her obviously, but I will be taking care of them on a day-to-day basis and making sure they have what they need and are taken care of. As I've said many time, I know it will be hard, and it will be a huge challenge, but I want that challenge. There is never a time when having a baby is not hard, and sure it will be an extra challenge because we are young; but we want that. We want to start our family and we will be able to handle it, as we did before. We are planning to move out on our own by the time we have the baby. If worse comes to worse, and we are still with my mom we will still contribute and pay her back for anything she pays for. We will NOT be mooching, and we do not expect her to take care of everything for us. It will be our responsibility, not hers.

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6 years 5 months ago #3 by babygal0322
babygal0322 replied the topic: Re: Why Not?
Well i am a mom at 17 to a 4 month old and are you calling me selfish for having my child? even though it wasn't planned i would have never gotten an abortion or gave my son up for adoption. He is everything to me and i am still in school. I DO NOT have a job and i STILL live at home but that DOES NOT make me a bad mother. My mom doesn't take care of my son. Me and my boyfriend share the responsibility for raising our son. He dropped out of high school but he has a job. Even though we aren't "STABLE" we still manage and do a great job at being parents. It doesn't matter what age you are it matters how mature you are and how well you can handle stress and care for a child. I'm not saying Yeah go ahead and have a baby because its not easy but you have to understand that everyone is not you. Even though her parents don't approve right now i think that when that baby comes her parents will help out. I just found that very offensive because im not selfish for having a child young.

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6 years 5 months ago #4 by meganelizabeth44
meganelizabeth44 replied the topic: Re: Why Not?
I also have a question for you, TaylaFaith. I was just wondering how close you and your siblings are with your parents?

Kyle wants 6 kids, and I want a big family too, but I always worry about my relationship with each kid individually suffering if we have so many children. I know I will love them all the ame, and have time for them all, I just worry about the relationship between us all suffering because of the sheer number of us.

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6 years 5 months ago #5 by meganelizabeth44
meganelizabeth44 replied the topic: Re: Why Not?
Lara, I have no problem with advise. I have a problem with the rudeness. It's as mucha s slapping me in the face when you come to a post and start bashing my decisions. If you want to give me your advice or your opinion, great; bring it on. But not if you're going to be rude to me and treat me like a thirteen year old. I am a lot younger than you, yes. But that is no call for treating me with disrespect. (I'm not saying you did it, I'm just saying in general).

You may not be doing it intentionally, but I am feeling very judged by you, Maeghan. And I don't appreciate not being able to feel safe with my own opinion and decision. I didn't ask to be talked out of it, and I know it will not be easy. But I want the challenge and responsibility. And I don't think you can judge what it will be like for me, Kyle and our children and call us selfish. I know, that's how it was for you. But I find it unfair to me for you to make a snap judgement just like that based solely on what you, one person, went through. I understand where you're coming from, though. I do. I just wish you would open up to really seeing my side. As for what Kyle said, I don't see what part of that is wrong. That's just some stuff that's a given. Affordable on base housing, a 1500 bi-weekly paycheck, a great health and dental insurance plan and as a family, we won't have to go through what he did as a kid; going with out food, without hydro, moving constantly because of eviction. Relocation moves may happen, but it won't ever be because we couldn't provide for our kids.

TaylaFaith, thank you for your input as well. I originally never wanted children, until I met and fell for Kyle. But we want a big family and we want to strt our family young. We don't want to put it off and be older, like my parents when our kids are in highschool. My mom's turning fifty this summer, and my grandma would have been 90 this year. I'm planning on breaking the cycle of older mothers in my family. I want to still have energy to run around with my kids. We want to have our kids close in age as well. We have gone over and over different options and have decided that this is what we want. We want to be parents, and we know we can do it and we can give our kids a great life. We will be able to support them and give them the stability they need, I know it and believe it. I know it doesn't seem like a good idea, and maybe it looks like we are being selfish. I didn't mena for this post to be a debate or for people to try and talk me out of it. I was just wondering why people might think it's a bad idea GIVEN OUR SITUATION. sorry if that got misconstrude.

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6 years 5 months ago #6 by TaylaFaith
TaylaFaith replied the topic: Re: Why Not?
Hey, just my thoughts...

I do believe it's best to wait until marriage to have sex.
That said, I think it's wonderful that you and Kyle are open to having a baby. So many young people (including some of my friends) think it is best to put off having kids, if they want to have any or get married at all. So I think it's neat that you two do want kids. There is also growing evidence that contraception can harm relationships because it prevents you from giving all of yourself to your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend. (I am NOT pointing fingers at anyone, on this site or off, so please don't take this offensively in anyway). Raising a kid can definitely help a relationship, not kill it. My parents raised six kids and it has really helped their relationship, they also lost a baby (my brother). All of us kids are really good friends (this doesn't mean there isn't the occasional fight or misunderstanding though lol).

Just to offer some support, Megan and Kyle. I do think it's good that you want to have a baby, and I wish you both all the best in life :)

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