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married and unhappy

  • MissKirsty
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9 years 1 month ago #1 by MissKirsty
MissKirsty replied the topic: Re:married and unhappy
No, I was not telling her that it was something she was doing, but I was saying that she might be able to help prevent it. :-)
I believe that when you get married and you make those vows, that it is serious. She doesn't have to put up with abuse, but divorce isn't a good choice. If he truly 'cant control himself' there are laws to control him.
However, this forum is not for us to argue, but to each give our opinions. If you have given your opinion, and I have given mine, then we really have nothing to say to each other. I think that you are wrong in the belief that marriage isn't permanent, and you think that I am wrong for saying that it is, neither of us is going to change our minds. ;-)
Only the lady that is living this can truly know what is best to do.

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9 years 1 month ago #2 by MzLady22
MzLady22 replied the topic: Re:married and unhappy
mskirsty,

i think you are wrong for telling this woman that it is something she is doing to make him hit her. atleas that is what it sounds like. and yes you should do everything you can to make a marriage work, but when it gets to physical abuse the only thing you can do is leave. smiling more wont change anything. and if she has to put her husband in jail then it is def to the point she should leave, not wait for him to get out if hes in there for hurting her.

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9 years 1 month ago #3 by tragicxtryst
tragicxtryst replied the topic: Re:married and unhappy
I'll have to agree with Shluna on the first part. This isn't just about you... Your child could/will suffer severely whether your husband resorts to hitting him or not. If he does, it's obvious how troublesome his life will be. But if he doesn't, it's still a problem. Take it from the girl who watched her father beat her mother daily growing up. It's not a pretty sight and I can assure you, it's changed my view on men in general. Unless you want a child with a skewed view of men or what they're supposed to be like, I really suggest police and medical intervention. This is not the kind of life you deserve.

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9 years 1 month ago #4 by Shluna105
Shluna105 replied the topic: Re:married and unhappy
About the physical abuse, that is just crap. If he can hit you, than he can hit your future son/daughter. He needs to get help.
But, about the fighting thing, I so know where you are coming from. It is like that in the begining of marriage. I thought the same thing after my husband and I got married, we fought all the time! Nothing physical, but we fought. I even walked out on him a few times; it was my way of \"cooling off.\" Well it will take time, and energy, but things will get better. You just have to remember the reason why the two of you got married in the first place. And remember why you fell in love with him.
Things will get better! Trust me, I have been married for almost 1 yr and 6 months, and I wouldnt trade our marriage for the world!

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  • MissKirsty
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9 years 1 month ago #5 by MissKirsty
MissKirsty replied the topic: Re:married and unhappy
Sounds like you're going through a rough time!

First of all, all marriages go through what I call the \"After the honey-moon stage\". That means that you're kind of falling out of love.
If you are willing to try, the spark almost always comes back and is even better than before.

Here's the deal; attraction to your ex is normal. You shouldn't get freaked out about it, but you also shouldn't focus on it or encourage it. Remind yourself that your husband is your true love. You pledged yourself to your husband for life, and that shouldn't be broken.

If your husband isn't acting lovingly towards you, figure out what it was that attracted him to you in the first place. Was it your smile? Smile at him! Was it the way you desired him? Desire him! Was it the way you looked up to him and thought he was great? Try that!
It doesn't have to feel true at first, but if you act that way long enough it will become true.

There is a really good book called \"Created the Be His Helpmeet\" by Debi Pearl. It is VERY helpful if you are having a rough time in your marriage. It does have a few odd parts, but it is mostly really good. I would recommend getting it and reading it.

If your husband is abusing you, you don't have to put up with it. Report him to the police. Tell him that you support and love him (remember, love isn't a feeling, it's a choice), but that you can't allow him to hurt you like that. In the worst case scenario, visit him in jail and tell him that you look forward to the day that he comes home.

Whether you feel that it was a mistake to marry him or not, you are now with the one that you were always meant to be with. Choose to love him and support him.
If it is too hard on you to see your ex, don't communicate with him for another 4 years. Don't lead yourself into temptation! It is hard to be married, especially when your husband isn't acting good, but it can also be wonderful.

My Mom and Dad have been married for 24 years. There have been times early in their marriage when my dad was not a very nice person to deal with and vice-versa. But my Mom and Dad believe that marriage is for life. Right now their marriage is better than it ever has been before (and believe me, it's really good).
The book that really helped my Mom was \"Created to Be His HelpMeet\" Please try reading it.

Good luck hun! Hang in there! If you need to vent this is a great place! I'll be praying for you! Let us know how everything goes! :-)

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9 years 1 month ago #6 by MzLady22
MzLady22 replied the topic: Re:married and unhappy
wow. i would say that you definately should not be married to him if he physically abuses u. noone should. it isnt your fault b/c u can never know who someone really is. so my best advise would be to get an annullment asap. if u cant get one then leave him, file for divorce, asap. not only could he hurt you, but he could hurt or kill your baby. better to be single mother than have an abusive husband/father of ur child. his behavior will only get worse. even if he apologizes doesnt mean he will stop. men like that never stop b/c they just cant control themselves. protect urself and ur baby and get away!

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