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help! advice, comfort, anything!

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9 years 5 months ago #1 by alexanders_mama
alexanders_mama replied the topic: Re:help! advice, comfort, anything!
You are not a statistic. You are two people who are expecting a baby, and the best thing you could do for anyone is to get married if that is what you believe is best.
What is meant to be will happen anyway; but if sixty percent of teen marriages fail, what about the other forty percent? It doesn't sound that depressing to me....But then, you never were a statistic, just two people who are awaiting a baby.

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9 years 5 months ago #2 by Meg11
Meg11 replied the topic: Re:help! advice, comfort, anything!
I agree and disagree with mayn different things going on...first off, like his parents say Marriage is a real issue, the stats of successful marriages among teens are not high, and finishing high school and being stable is important...however they have obviously not done the greatest job as parents if they have one daughter who is living with her fiance outside of marriage, another son who is so confused that he would rather sleep around with the same sex and one who is going to be a father at the age of 16...I do not mean to insult you or your boyfriend, things happen, I do however commend your boyfriend for wanting to marry you and step up to the plate, I commend your parents for wanting to help you get married and to provide a place for you to stay until you are done with school...Just because you are teens doesn't mean that your marriage will fail, you could have many wonderful years as husband and wife and with having kids so young you could end up with an empty nest while you still have tons of energy to do fun stuff with each other like traveling or something like that, on the same note though when you marry him you are forever bound to his parents...if you can make peace with them it will be best for you, him, his parents and your child...I would recommend talking with your parents and look into some premarital counseling, go to some sessions with just the two of you and also take your parents and his along for a couple of sessions to see if peace can be made, if the pastor who counsels you (call up a non-denominational church and set up for counseling with the pastor, explain your situation fully without holding anything back, if they judge you call the next church till you find a good pastor) sees that you are both on the same page and getting married for the right reasons and his parents still refuse then he should look into getting emancipated...it is always best to have both sets of parents in agreement but if this is what you two want and you get the right counseling and face the reality of marriage and are willing to commit to that then he needs to make his own choice and let his parents face their own reality of failing as parents...I do think you should wait to live together until you are married and if you find a good pastor to counsel you and marry you he will say the same thing...if you are willing to wait then that will also show the pastor that you are mature enough for this type of commitment...I am glad you came to all of us with this one...it is a hard thing to do, especially for your boyfriend, sometimes you have to go against your parents wishes...I know a girl who ran off from her mom at 16 and got married to an older guy, they went to Vegas and her mom tried to press changes, she was married so she was considered an adult and her mom couldn't do anything about it...she waited and waited for her daughter to come running home and she hasn't and it has been like 3 years now, she got her GED and is in college and from what I have heard she is still happy, in love and sound in her decision...His parents do love him they just are not parenting him in the best way right now, he got you pregnant and as his parents they should be encouraging him to step up not \"forcing and ruling with an iron fist\" to make him do what they want...he is a big boy and he proved that by doing adult things with you, a good parent would make sure that your best interests are in mind and if that was to be married so he could live with you and take more responsibility then they should help and not hinder...Hang in there and let us know what happens...My husband and I had like 3 months of premarital counseling, it was sooooo helpful, i think we skipped a lot of the early marriage adjustments because we were more prepared, we also counseled for like 5 months after marriage to make sure that we were doing well with our adjustments..when I say get premarital counseling it is not because of your age, your circumstances or because of the conflict, I encourage the counseling because it will ensure a smoother transition and it will bring out any kinks that could cause major miscommunication early on...Best wishes and I will be praying for you...Love Meg

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9 years 5 months ago #3 by taycarwillow
taycarwillow replied the topic: Re:help! advice, comfort, anything!
ya we can get married without parental permission in georgia or florida but i live in utah soooo unless my mom wants to fly us out there then i dunno. and even if they dont let us get married they can atleast let us live together...i just i dunno...i hate his paretns so much...

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9 years 5 months ago #4 by kez_mummy_2_skye
kez_mummy_2_skye replied the topic: Re:help! advice, comfort, anything!
can u guys gets married without his parents permission? If it makes him happy they should let him. Thats ridiculous

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9 years 5 months ago #5 by taycarwillow
taycarwillow created the topic: help! advice, comfort, anything!
ok so i was so excited for everything that was going to happen in the next little while, in two weeks im moving into a new house with my fiance and my family and stuff and then on april 25th i was going to get married to him. I was soooo excited for all that to happen and our parents were ok with it. Well mine were and his parents were kind of ok with it but they hadn't officially talked to my parents about it yet they just knew all the dates and what not. But none of that is going to happen now because his dad and mom are the biggest, most close-minded jerks ever. I seriously feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest, stomped on, and put back in. Just because his parents have no faith in him that he will graduate, they wont let him move in or get married to me. All they are thinking about is themselves, their reputation as parents. They already have one daughter (22) moved out and engaged, they have one gay alcoholic son (18), and then my fiance the 16 year old soon to be father who actually wants to stick around for the baby. They dont want anyone to think more horribly of them so they wont let Taylor(fiance) move in with me. They just expect me to wake up with the baby and do everything by myself and Taylor can come over for a few hours but they are gonna come and pick him up and just leave me there all by myself. But i dont think they understand the fact that IT TAKE TWO TO GET PREGNANT! I couldnt do this by myself. They arent thinking about the fact that i need him there to help me, i need his support, his love, his shoulder to cry on. They dont understand that his daughter needs him! She needs that father figure. All they think is that Taylor is so stupid and he is never gonna go anywhere in life with a wife and a baby on his back. His dad throws this pakcet in my face with all this information on how %60 of all teenage marriages fail within the first five years and he highlights it with his stupid green crayon and says if you get married you will fail you will hate your life after you get married. While he is shoving this stupid packet down my throat his wife is in the background nagging about how Taylor will never graduate and my mom doesnt care about if he does graduate and all this bull. But really my mom cares more about taylor than his mother ever did. My mom actually believes in him. What she wants to do is let us live with her until we graduate and get started in college so that we can atleast be mostly stable. She helps him with his homework when his parents dont...SShe loves him almost as if he were her own...But i dont know im just so upset from the fact that i have to be by myself throughout this whole pregnancy...I just i dont know....it just seems like nothing ever works out for me....i just dont know what to do anymore....i think the reason im writing this is because ineed to vent and i need some advice or comfort or just someone to tell me everything will be ok...i dont believe my mom or Taylor hwen they say it so maybe one of you can help me out....but i dont know....maybe nothing will ever be ok....the only thing keeping me from going into a mental breakdown is my baby girl hiccuping, it almost seem like she knows when i need her love the most so she will give me a little kick when im really down...and i have Taylor....i cried in his arms for almost 2 hours straight after my mom told me they called off the wedding...and he didnt say anything he just cried with me and kissed my forhead and wiped my tears....and my mother also...so i guess i cant say i ahve nothing....but it just feels like i have nothing....

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