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I wouldn't have an abortion so he's gone

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10 years 6 months ago #1 by annalove
annalove replied the topic: Re:I wouldn't have an abortion so he's gone
I am so sorry that this happened to you. In one of the last lines you said that you hope he still comes back....question for you....do you really want him back? And is it just for the baby? I have no idea what it's like to be in your shoes (being as I'm a 15 year old, with no children), but personally, I wouldn't want someone to raise my kid, and pose as a role model for him/her, if the daddy couldn't stay around. I couldn't let any man who didn't want my kid to be around him/her. I would rather raise them alone knowing that I could be everything that my kids needed, (make sense?) I completely, 100% understand why you would want him around- for that i don't blame you, but I think that you should really think about years down the road when this baby is 7 or 10, and how you would explain to them, that daddy treats everyone like shit because he was \"trapped\" into this at 27.


and I apologize if this was in any way offensive, it wasn't supposed to be. (but it is filled with resentment from my father.)

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10 years 6 months ago #2 by mommy6
mommy6 replied the topic: Re:I wouldn't have an abortion so he's gone
wow he sounds like the biggest jerk ever sorry but he does he needs to grow up n step up if he is old enough to have sex hes old enough to deal with reson. after sex. but if he is such a jerk do what you need to do for your family your kids must come first incl. the one inside you.im sure your kids will understand i just cant get over how he just wants to try to date someone else now i would tell this other person what type of person he is n i would be the biggest b in the world cause i would also go tell his family about this sit. do your self a fav dont have sex with him again if he calls you blow him off a little bit make him wonder.i thought i was the only one on here who is over 25. im going to be 30 i have 6 kids n one on way in im stressing, im married but what im trying to say is there is good men out there but you must take care of yours first well good luck n if you ever need someone to talk 2 im on here. mommy6.

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10 years 6 months ago #3 by ericklirios
ericklirios replied the topic: Re:I wouldn't have an abortion so he's gone
Hi.

I'm not about to give up on your bf just yet but I also would not suggest that you wait for him. If comes around, he has to come around completely. He has to be responsible for everything. I'm not really sure of what was going on in his head all the time you guys were romping in bed. He knew that you had two kids already and that having sex with you may just end up in a pregnancy. Maybe he thinks that you got pregnant on purpose so that you can have a father for your two kids. Assuming he's wrong, then it is incumbent upon you to prove to him that that is so. If he's right, then it's really going to be an uphill climb for you.

What I really wanna concentrate on now is your concern about the example you're giving your two sons. You honestly have to explain things to them. I'm assuming that they have the same father so that actually is easier. You can't hide the reason for your divorce from them. You have to open that up to them some time. Maybe not now but soon -- especially for the 13 year old. I also suggest you start talking to the school counselors. They may be able to help you as to how you can approach your kids and talk to them about this. This isn't something you sweep under the rug. By now, your 13-year old is already having a hard time dealing with the fact that he's not with his father and he has so many male-oriented thoughts and needs that a father would be more suited to addressing. You need help here and be sure you try and get it.

Lastly, you have to start loving yourself. I know it's quite hard especially given your situation but you have to -- for your sons sakes and for yours. This bf of yours will not have any good reason to go back to you if he sees that you can't even see your own value. If you see yourself as crap, why should he see you as crap also? This is the same with anyone else who comes into contact with you.

Love your sons and never assume that they won't understand what you're going through. Even if they can't grasp everything, they will at least listen. You need to make them feel and understand that this isn't their fault and that you guys are a family together especially now that there's a baby on the way.

That 13-year old of yours is now the man of the house and you have to make him feel it. He will resent some of the responsibility at first but you have to let them help you. They're all you've got. Show them that this isn't their fault but as a family, you all have to pitch in.

I know that this is all difficult for you but one thing I think you need to remember now is that you can get through this and that you've actually shown that you can handle adversity. Do it again and be careful about mistakes. We're both of us getting old and our mistakes affect our kids. We can't afford that.

Take care of yourself and your kids.

Erick

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10 years 6 months ago #4 by proud mama
proud mama replied the topic: Re:I wouldn't have an abortion so he's gone
im sorry that ur experiencing this at such a vulnerable time in ur life. im 23 with two kids. and with my first i kinda went through the same thing. i got pregrant and he wanted me to get an ambortion i sain no and he left. he was not there through my pregrancy and only went shopping for clothes when i was 5 months along. he was not there for the birth of his first child but i had to remain strong even though i was deeply hurting inside. i cried alot i hated him and was mad. i had support from my mom and sister which kinda helped but u want the other half there. we worked out our problems and have 2 kids together and live together but it wasnt like that for the first year of my sons life. so remain hopefull he will turn around and remember this ia a blessing thats in u. give this unborn the best u can from the sta...rt. u will always have each other. .... god bless

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10 years 6 months ago #5 by babygurl2008
babygurl2008 replied the topic: Re:I wouldn't have an abortion so he's gone
i know who you feel my babys daddy left me when i was 3 months preg. also.... i dont have any other kids but tell them the truth tell them that you thought that you was in love and out of it god gave you a great gift. and as for the babys dad... if he was a real man he would have never done that, mine did do it also, and it got to the piont were i stopped everything with him stopped callin and stopped even worring about him, he went crazy and then one night he called me and asked me how was i doin,.... i was 7 months preg. by then and i told him everything and he told me that he was so sorry for what he did and he wanted his baby girl to know that he was out there. im now 9 months along and everything has gone back to the way it was when we dated, we are always together when people ask us if we are datin we say yes but theres not been affical yet. but we will get back together we know that we will. but the thing is thats your baby and if that guy is anything of a real man he'll come back for that baby. ya'll might not ever be together but he'll be there for that baby that ya'll made together.


babygurl2008

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10 years 6 months ago #6 by goodluckyall
goodluckyall replied the topic: Re:I wouldn't have an abortion so he's gone
Hey there Caiged. I hate to say it, but it sounds like he's not the type to have the paternal feelings you'd hope he might at his age. He seems more into his freedom. Are you showing yet? I ask this because it may not seem quite real to him yet. Maybe he's hardened himself, but he may come around once you're showing and he hears about your doctor visits, etc through the grapevine. Do you have a relationship with his parents or other family? If you do continue with the pregnancy and involve them, he might not like it. That's something he'll have to take up with his folks. I'm 36 and am hoping to adopt, but I don't know that I would want to without my husband. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope he comes around. As for your kids, they're old enough to see what's happening. Honesty is the best policy, age appropriate of course. Message or email me if you need a sounding board.

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